*I have never decided to reach out to someone in this perusal. There is always a reason and even though some will always hold a piece of my heart, my heart has also grown around those pieces. But damn… this one hits hard.

I only found out because I mentally go through my list of people who I have cared about and don’t talk to over the holidays* and I realized this guy fell off the list about half a decade ago.

Anyways—mindfuck. The first person I loved enough to mean it when I said it is dead.

And I am really not sure to think or feel. We had a bad post-breakup and I haven’t spoken to him since 2009 (when I was in Germany and we started catching up). I never responded to one of his messages then. Mostly because it all felt super fake after everything.

I’ll buy that logic.

Ugh you’re absolutely right. I’ve apparently erased the spelling from my brain. All I hear is “mal Ort” which is a stupid mixture of “bad” (French) and “place” (German), properly illustrating where I am anytime I’m served the drink.