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brainplan.bsky.social
brainplan
@brainplan.bsky.social
210 followers 530 following 2.6K posts
Phillies, Lifetime movie, Cop Rock, discontinued McDonald’s menu items/ad campaigns enthusiast. But we don’t have to talk about any of that, we can talk about your things, whatever.
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brainplan.bsky.social
calling off work because I stepped outside and conked my head on a hunk of fog
screenshot from my weather app this morning that reads: ⚠️ WEATHER ALERT Freezing Fog Advisory
November 20, 2025 at 3:57 PM
brainplan.bsky.social
it is International Men’s Day and as a man myself (barely, technically) I think we can all agree that real life men have blown it so let’s focus our energies on celebrating the world’s greatest fictional man:
print ad for the Sport & Shave Ken doll, ad copy reads: It's Ken® with a whole new look for 1980! He's athletic. He's all man. He even “shaves"! Kids can draw a beard on his face, then "shave" it off. Again and again. Or draw funny mustaches. It's fun! They can pretend he's a tennis star or marathon runner with or without a mustache. He's got a big date with glamorous Barbie® doll and he's been working out all day. Never fear - everything's included to help him get ready. Our man Ken comes with beard marker, shaving mug, 2 "shavers,” after shave/cologne bottle, toothbrush, toothpaste tube, hairbrush, comb, hair dryer, wristwatch, tennis racket, jacket, shorts, long pants, shoes. 4-color chip pics included are of a child “shaving” Sport & Shave Ken, detail of the facial hair being drawn on Ken’s face with the beard marker, Ken being “shaved,” Ken in his “Sport” tennis outfit, his “night on the town with Barbie long pants and scandalously revealing satiny shirt, all of the accessories which were definitely not choking and/or shoving up your nose/in your ears hazards for little kids
November 20, 2025 at 1:45 AM
brainplan.bsky.social
FINE, I’ll do it
social media post from Variety featuring a pic of Sylvester Stallone in a snazzy suit and cool guy shades with the headline “Showrunner Wanted: 'Tulsa King' Goes Into Season 4 Without Creative Lead On Set”
November 19, 2025 at 6:01 PM
brainplan.bsky.social
reading rumors that the Pirates are in on Schwarber
Tim Robinson “you sure about that?” face
November 19, 2025 at 1:31 AM
brainplan.bsky.social
I found all of that Olivia Nuzzi mess to be pretty funny up until about 24 hours ago, and then it was like a switch flipped and now I every time I see something about it
detail of the panel from Watchmen where Doctor Manhattan is saying “I AM TIRED OF EARTH. THESE PEOPLE. I AM TIRED OF BEING CAUGHT IN THE TANGLE OF THEIR LIVES.”
November 18, 2025 at 7:02 PM
brainplan.bsky.social
people keep asking if we’re having #RockOnTuesday next week since it’s Thanksgiving week and I need you people to focus and practice some mindfulness or whatever, there is a #RockOnTuesday happening TODAY, right now, you should already be rocking on as you’re reading this COME ON
extremely low res pic of Michael “Danny Romalotti” Damian that appears to be from the late 1980s/early 1990s Damian’s rocking a black leather jacket with graphic tee underneath and his hair is teased out as fuck—think later seasons Stamos on Full House and you get the idea in the upper left hand corner, black text reads #RockOnTuesday
November 18, 2025 at 2:58 PM
brainplan.bsky.social
Von Hayes? The Santa collector?
a mustachioed Von Hayes, sitting in front of his fireplace surrounded by a ridiculous number of Santas (I count at least two dozen surrounding him and on the mantel above him)
November 18, 2025 at 12:56 PM
brainplan.bsky.social
pic of Puddle of Mudd’s Wes Scantlin with headline “Puddle of Mudd's Wes Scantlin wants to move past legal troubles, says he "really seriously don't really do that much wrong things"”
November 17, 2025 at 8:55 PM
brainplan.bsky.social
I am SO MAD at this guy for going into the food industry but not doing so for the sole purpose of making a line of handcrafted breakfast syrups called Stavis Maples
LinkedIn profile page for Matt Stavis; bio reads “Hard working cook passionate about food and creating a great work environment” below bio, info reads “GALA CATERING, INC. • Salem State University Gloucester, Massachusetts, United States”
November 15, 2025 at 5:05 PM
brainplan.bsky.social
who among us, amirite
that dumb NYT Olivia Nuzzi “cover” image, with headline changed to “Olivia Nuzzi Did It All for the Nookie”
November 15, 2025 at 12:00 AM
brainplan.bsky.social
I am always saying this
the back of a box from a Department 56 North Pole Series decorative piece featuring a pic of Marie Osmond and under the heading “Marie’s Doll Museum” reads: “What's the busiest attraction at the North Pole? "Marie's Doll Museum", of course, created in recognition of it's namesake curator, Marie Osmond! Most museums offer artist's masterpieces or artifacts, but in Santa's magical world residents are more fascinated by the mechanics, features, and "cuddle appeal" of the town's ever-expanding doll collection. Side tours are given for the gift shop and there's doll repair for those residents who want just a "dollop" more than the everyday tour.”
November 13, 2025 at 6:49 PM
brainplan.bsky.social
I drew this 4 years ago and have mixed feelings about the fact that it is still…I wanna say “apt,” for lack of a better word
comic drawn with black ink rollerball pen on a sheet of yellow mini legal pad paper text with 3D boxy effect floating at various slight angles on the top 3/4 of the page reads (top to bottom) “How?” “why?” “can we Not?” at the bottom of the image at L a blobby figure with long skinny arms, droopy eyelids, two prominent top front teeth, and tube socks (the right one has partly come off) stands silently to the R this creature, 2D text reads “WHAT IS EVEN HAPPENING ANYMORE?”
November 13, 2025 at 3:33 PM
brainplan.bsky.social
I do not agree with JD Vance on much but I gotta hand it to him here
screenshot of a video of JD Vance speaking with RFK Jr. at the dipshit MAHA summit in Washington, DC they’re sitting facing each other in weird looking chairs (probably sold to RFK Jr. for a small fortune by a scam artist who claimed they were “PFA free”) and talking about how Icy Hot causes ADHD or whatever the fuck the caption which has definitely not been altered reads “JD Vance: "Science as practiced in its best form is the kind a woman can blind you with."” honestly, fuck both of these pieces of shit, I hope they both get chronic beef tallow french fry induced hemorrhoids
November 12, 2025 at 6:07 PM
brainplan.bsky.social
no* #RockOnTuesday today due to the federal holiday

*no official #RockOnTuesday; if you want to have an unofficial #RockOnTuesday on your own time in the privacy of your own home, I legally cannot stop you
extremely low res pic of Michael “Danny Romalotti” Damian that appears to be from the late 1980s/early 1990s Damian’s rocking a black leather jacket with graphic tee underneath and his hair is teased out as fuck—think later seasons Stamos on Full House and you get the idea in the upper left hand corner, black text reads #RockOnTuesday
November 11, 2025 at 8:59 PM
brainplan.bsky.social
when reached for comment, the former The Freeze stated “I just couldn’t handle the embarrassment anymore. I mean, working for the Braves? YUCK. Gives me the ick just thinking about it.”
pic that accompanied a social media post from MLB that mentioned the Braves have a job opening for “The Freeze” a pic of The Freeze in his uniform (full body spandex suit that reads “THE FREEZE” with a RaceTrac logo underneath, wraparound ski goggles, running shoes) with a screenshot of the job posting on the Braves’ web site with the title of “Mascot Sprinter” job description reads “The Mascot Sprinter performs as RaceTrac’s “The Freeze” at select Braves home games;” there is an “APPLY NOW” button to the right and above the description
November 11, 2025 at 6:39 PM
brainplan.bsky.social
birds need the aerating attachments
a pair of lawn aerating attachments for shoes
November 11, 2025 at 2:00 AM
brainplan.bsky.social
anyway
screenshot of Tim Kaine with text reading “TIM KAINE in the MEMBRANE” superimposed on his forehead closeup of same Tim Kaine screenshot with slightly larger font text reading “TIM KAINE IN THE BRAIN” superimposed on his forehead
November 10, 2025 at 5:44 PM
brainplan.bsky.social
when Ralph Christmas gets in big trouble with his mom
screenshot of Google’s homepage where to top trending search is “ralph lauren christmas”
November 10, 2025 at 3:52 AM
brainplan.bsky.social
made this last night and it’s already apropos

Senate Dems who are caving, this one’s for you
a ZOHRAN FOR NEW YORK CITY parody that reads “I MEAN, FOR CHRIST’S SAKE”
November 10, 2025 at 3:24 AM
brainplan.bsky.social
parody of the ZOHRAN FOR NEW YORK CITY signage that reads “WHOA O-O-OH FOR THE LONGEST TIME” parody of the ZOHRAN FOR NEW YORK CITY signage that reads “WHOA OH-OH FOR THE LONGEST if you said goodbye to me tonight”
November 8, 2025 at 10:43 PM
brainplan.bsky.social
CONFIRMED: Joe Davis, Calico Cut Pants wearer
pic of Joe Davis with a quote from him reading “I actually didn’t pee.” (he was referring to the fact that he apparently never took a piss break during the 18 inning World Series game this year and don’t care and didn’t ask, Joe Davis, but OK)
November 8, 2025 at 4:43 PM
brainplan.bsky.social
lookit this sick freak thinking about them Trump babies
some loser MAGA freakazoid smirking about Trump babies
November 6, 2025 at 5:52 PM
brainplan.bsky.social
aw, SHUT UP
social media post from Jomboy Media featuring a pic of Jason Kelce wearing a Phillies cap/jersey below the pic, a quote from Kelce reads “Baseball sucks. You just buy World Series championships. It’s the dumbest thing in the world. -Jason Kelce, via New Heights show”
November 6, 2025 at 3:01 AM
brainplan.bsky.social
pov: a few seconds before you hit Pete with a “he who smelt it dealt it”
Pete Buttigieg, with closed captioning that reads “there is clearly” Pete Buttigieg, with closed captioning that reads “a stink”
November 5, 2025 at 5:53 PM
brainplan.bsky.social
I’m no fan of Andrew Cuomo but credit where it’s due: this was a nice word of thanks to his supporters during his concession speech
screenshot from C-SPAN’s broadcast of Andrew Cuomo’s concession speech from this evening the closed captioning shows Cuomo saying “I did not diarrhea my pants twice on my own, no...WE diarrheaed our pants twice, TOGETHER, united”
November 5, 2025 at 5:00 AM