When Reinhold Niebuhr wrote the first version of the prayer, the courage to change that which must be changed was at the beginning. For me, that makes so much sense. I believe that serenity can follow from acting courageously to make necessary changes.

I don't think I'd ever want to be in an exclusively gay recovery group, but having people with shared identities has made this a lot easier on me to feel at home.

At one recent meeting I was one of 4 gay guys and a lesbian at a 5 person meeting.

Tonight, I met another HIV+ member when I overheard him and another member discussing going to the same doctor and same clinic I go to.

I don’t know how to explain this. Don't get me wrong, I love the diversity of my group. There are some amazing people who make my life richer who I would never meet without our shared recovery journey.

However, I'm so grateful that I am not just the token gay guy in the group.

5) When finally reach my breaking point, more often than not I blow up at the wrong person or wrong place and time

If he doesn't remember me then he doesn't have any recollection of how disgusting I am high.

I think he probably does remember something but he is giving me the space to put that in the past.

Do I have numbers to call? Yes I do. Do I have relationships that I feel comfortable leaning on? No I dont.

I wonder if I'll ever get there? I wonder if I can recover if I don’t get there?

I apologized to him for disappearing with no word. It was selfish and cowardly and don’t want to be the kind of person who does that anymore.

How fucked up is it that I am such a deceitful liar that I don't always know if I'm lying to myself?

It's easy for me to imagine myself failing to reach the 1 year milestone. But seeing him, hearing him tell his story, made me start to imagine the possibility that, with help, I might make it one day.