Recovering Addict Alt
@blualtsky.bsky.social
Poz. Gay. Turning 50. Trying to recover from addiction. Meth-free since 12-24-25. I'll probably cuss a lot.
I've had this prayer on my mind lately. My recovery groupnstarts every meeting with it. I remember my aunt having this on the mirror in her bedroom.
I have been contemplating the "courage" part of the prayer a lot.
I have been contemplating the "courage" part of the prayer a lot.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
January 21, 2026 at 5:19 PM
I've had this prayer on my mind lately. My recovery groupnstarts every meeting with it. I remember my aunt having this on the mirror in her bedroom.
I have been contemplating the "courage" part of the prayer a lot.
I have been contemplating the "courage" part of the prayer a lot.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
January 21, 2026 at 2:16 PM
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Self-loathing Overinflated Ego
🤝
My Addict Brain
🤝
My Addict Brain
January 21, 2026 at 1:58 AM
Self-loathing Overinflated Ego
🤝
My Addict Brain
🤝
My Addict Brain
I'm grateful for my recovery group.
January 21, 2026 at 1:52 AM
I'm grateful for my recovery group.
I think I have learned some stuff about myself from the way I melted down yesterday.
1) I have an ego problem.
2) I have a problem setting boundaries.
3) I have martyrdom tendencies.
4) I let people walk all over me until I reach a breaking point where I blow up.
1) I have an ego problem.
2) I have a problem setting boundaries.
3) I have martyrdom tendencies.
4) I let people walk all over me until I reach a breaking point where I blow up.
January 20, 2026 at 11:37 PM
I think I have learned some stuff about myself from the way I melted down yesterday.
1) I have an ego problem.
2) I have a problem setting boundaries.
3) I have martyrdom tendencies.
4) I let people walk all over me until I reach a breaking point where I blow up.
1) I have an ego problem.
2) I have a problem setting boundaries.
3) I have martyrdom tendencies.
4) I let people walk all over me until I reach a breaking point where I blow up.
I try to share most meetings, but my shares mostly suck. I went to two meetings today and the thing that I shared in both meetings about how pissed off I am right now. I hope the sharing helps me move past this for now.
January 20, 2026 at 2:21 AM
I try to share most meetings, but my shares mostly suck. I went to two meetings today and the thing that I shared in both meetings about how pissed off I am right now. I hope the sharing helps me move past this for now.
I am large, I contain multitudes.
January 19, 2026 at 8:14 PM
I am large, I contain multitudes.
I could easily sit here and imagine malice on his part. To do so ignores the self-directed malice coming from inside me. How do I act with courage to change the things I can?
If he doesn't remember me then he doesn't have any recollection of how disgusting I am high.
I think he probably does remember something but he is giving me the space to put that in the past.
I think he probably does remember something but he is giving me the space to put that in the past.
January 19, 2026 at 7:35 PM
I could easily sit here and imagine malice on his part. To do so ignores the self-directed malice coming from inside me. How do I act with courage to change the things I can?
Gotta love a good 3-person recovery group meeting. Just me, the chair, and the co-chair.
The chair was yet another guy I used to get high with. I have been wondering if he remembered me, so today I asked him. He said he didn't. Whether or not that is true I am sort of relieved that was his answer.
The chair was yet another guy I used to get high with. I have been wondering if he remembered me, so today I asked him. He said he didn't. Whether or not that is true I am sort of relieved that was his answer.
January 19, 2026 at 7:24 PM
Gotta love a good 3-person recovery group meeting. Just me, the chair, and the co-chair.
The chair was yet another guy I used to get high with. I have been wondering if he remembered me, so today I asked him. He said he didn't. Whether or not that is true I am sort of relieved that was his answer.
The chair was yet another guy I used to get high with. I have been wondering if he remembered me, so today I asked him. He said he didn't. Whether or not that is true I am sort of relieved that was his answer.
I'm doing almost everything I'm supposed to be doing but obsessing over guilt for what I'm not doing. I had an emotional eruption and I called my sponsor. My sponsor told me to go to a meeting and I'm here waiting for the meeting to start. He told me to call people and I'm not fucking doing that
January 19, 2026 at 5:31 PM
I'm doing almost everything I'm supposed to be doing but obsessing over guilt for what I'm not doing. I had an emotional eruption and I called my sponsor. My sponsor told me to go to a meeting and I'm here waiting for the meeting to start. He told me to call people and I'm not fucking doing that
I'm here at the hall waiting in the parking lot. It's right next to a fucking pipe shop which is fucking idiotic if you ask me.
Another hour before the meeting starts.
Another hour before the meeting starts.
Overreacting to some stupid shit right now. Went to a fast food place and ordered breakfast. Had a bad experience and blew up. I can't get myself to calm down. Called my sponsor and he told me to go to the fellowship hall and hang there until the next meeting.
January 19, 2026 at 5:12 PM
I'm here at the hall waiting in the parking lot. It's right next to a fucking pipe shop which is fucking idiotic if you ask me.
Another hour before the meeting starts.
Another hour before the meeting starts.
Overreacting to some stupid shit right now. Went to a fast food place and ordered breakfast. Had a bad experience and blew up. I can't get myself to calm down. Called my sponsor and he told me to go to the fellowship hall and hang there until the next meeting.
January 19, 2026 at 4:34 PM
Overreacting to some stupid shit right now. Went to a fast food place and ordered breakfast. Had a bad experience and blew up. I can't get myself to calm down. Called my sponsor and he told me to go to the fellowship hall and hang there until the next meeting.
When I relapsed, I left without saying anything to my former sponsor. I barely ever called him in the first place, but it was pretty shifty to just ghost him.
He was there the night I came back in. He's been at several meetings I've been at since then, but last night was the first time I spoke.
He was there the night I came back in. He's been at several meetings I've been at since then, but last night was the first time I spoke.
January 19, 2026 at 3:39 AM
When I relapsed, I left without saying anything to my former sponsor. I barely ever called him in the first place, but it was pretty shifty to just ghost him.
He was there the night I came back in. He's been at several meetings I've been at since then, but last night was the first time I spoke.
He was there the night I came back in. He's been at several meetings I've been at since then, but last night was the first time I spoke.
I started writing step work today. This is my second attempt at step 1 and I am more frustrated than I thought I would be.
I am frustrated because I don’t how to respond to some of these questions. I don’t always know if i am answering something I really believe or if I am just performing recovery
I am frustrated because I don’t how to respond to some of these questions. I don’t always know if i am answering something I really believe or if I am just performing recovery
January 18, 2026 at 11:27 PM
I started writing step work today. This is my second attempt at step 1 and I am more frustrated than I thought I would be.
I am frustrated because I don’t how to respond to some of these questions. I don’t always know if i am answering something I really believe or if I am just performing recovery
I am frustrated because I don’t how to respond to some of these questions. I don’t always know if i am answering something I really believe or if I am just performing recovery
Trying to focus on what I need to do today to grow in recovery.
It's felt good watching some people I know a little reaching clean time milestones. I'm coming up on one soon myself. I don’t want to just collect days though. I want to get better.
It's felt good watching some people I know a little reaching clean time milestones. I'm coming up on one soon myself. I don’t want to just collect days though. I want to get better.
January 18, 2026 at 4:32 PM
Trying to focus on what I need to do today to grow in recovery.
It's felt good watching some people I know a little reaching clean time milestones. I'm coming up on one soon myself. I don’t want to just collect days though. I want to get better.
It's felt good watching some people I know a little reaching clean time milestones. I'm coming up on one soon myself. I don’t want to just collect days though. I want to get better.
I'm glad I went to the clean time celebration. I had never gone to one of these and it really moved me. There was someone there with 32 years clean and several others with multiple years. The one who really made an impression on me, though, was the one who made the biggest impact.
I know I need to start doing step work and I could be doing that right now but this is what I'm going to do and I'm going to commit to myself to do some step work this weekend.
My recovery group has a game fellowship every Saturday night. I'm going tonight. Bringing some pizzas to share. There is a potluck afterward during the regular Saturday meeting to celebrate some members with clean time anniversaries.
January 18, 2026 at 5:33 AM
I'm glad I went to the clean time celebration. I had never gone to one of these and it really moved me. There was someone there with 32 years clean and several others with multiple years. The one who really made an impression on me, though, was the one who made the biggest impact.
I know I need to start doing step work and I could be doing that right now but this is what I'm going to do and I'm going to commit to myself to do some step work this weekend.
My recovery group has a game fellowship every Saturday night. I'm going tonight. Bringing some pizzas to share. There is a potluck afterward during the regular Saturday meeting to celebrate some members with clean time anniversaries.
January 18, 2026 at 12:15 AM
I know I need to start doing step work and I could be doing that right now but this is what I'm going to do and I'm going to commit to myself to do some step work this weekend.
My recovery group has a game fellowship every Saturday night. I'm going tonight. Bringing some pizzas to share. There is a potluck afterward during the regular Saturday meeting to celebrate some members with clean time anniversaries.
January 17, 2026 at 11:59 PM
My recovery group has a game fellowship every Saturday night. I'm going tonight. Bringing some pizzas to share. There is a potluck afterward during the regular Saturday meeting to celebrate some members with clean time anniversaries.
Went to an meeting tonight and the reading waa about leaving the past in the past. Probably a message in there if I can ever stop feeling sorry for myself.
Last night and this morning I kept having the urge to run way from all this. I said some things to my sponsor that opened up old wounds. I know I need to face this head on but I don't know if I have the courage to follow through.
January 17, 2026 at 4:19 AM
Went to an meeting tonight and the reading waa about leaving the past in the past. Probably a message in there if I can ever stop feeling sorry for myself.
Last night and this morning I kept having the urge to run way from all this. I said some things to my sponsor that opened up old wounds. I know I need to face this head on but I don't know if I have the courage to follow through.
January 16, 2026 at 11:22 PM
Last night and this morning I kept having the urge to run way from all this. I said some things to my sponsor that opened up old wounds. I know I need to face this head on but I don't know if I have the courage to follow through.
Even though my sponsor was late, I got to talk to another addict while I waited. She and I have similar stories that are also completely different. It was nice to share my story and listen to hers. I was in the meeting a little more than a year ago when she came back after a relapse.
January 16, 2026 at 3:23 AM
Even though my sponsor was late, I got to talk to another addict while I waited. She and I have similar stories that are also completely different. It was nice to share my story and listen to hers. I was in the meeting a little more than a year ago when she came back after a relapse.
I met with my sponsor today. I was planning to meey him at 5 so I could go to a 6 o'clock meeting right afterwards but he was late, so we ended up meeting while the 6 o'clock meeting was going on.
I could have gone to the 8 o'clock meeting, but I'm so tired and just want to get to bed on time.
I could have gone to the 8 o'clock meeting, but I'm so tired and just want to get to bed on time.
January 16, 2026 at 2:17 AM
I met with my sponsor today. I was planning to meey him at 5 so I could go to a 6 o'clock meeting right afterwards but he was late, so we ended up meeting while the 6 o'clock meeting was going on.
I could have gone to the 8 o'clock meeting, but I'm so tired and just want to get to bed on time.
I could have gone to the 8 o'clock meeting, but I'm so tired and just want to get to bed on time.
Second night in a row calling my sponsor. I worked late and didn't make a meeting.
I'm meeting my sponsor in person tomorrow night to go over my 1st step answers I worked on with my last sponsor.
I'm meeting my sponsor in person tomorrow night to go over my 1st step answers I worked on with my last sponsor.
January 15, 2026 at 2:18 AM
Second night in a row calling my sponsor. I worked late and didn't make a meeting.
I'm meeting my sponsor in person tomorrow night to go over my 1st step answers I worked on with my last sponsor.
I'm meeting my sponsor in person tomorrow night to go over my 1st step answers I worked on with my last sponsor.
I called my sponsor for the first time. I felt comfortable talking to him. I've gone to a lot of meetings he has been at and we've talked about a lot of stuff. I feel like he isn't going to flinch or recoil when I tell him about my past.
January 14, 2026 at 4:02 AM
I called my sponsor for the first time. I felt comfortable talking to him. I've gone to a lot of meetings he has been at and we've talked about a lot of stuff. I feel like he isn't going to flinch or recoil when I tell him about my past.
I'm so fucking cringe sometimes
Went to a meeting. I shared and blabbered like an idiot.
January 14, 2026 at 12:49 AM
I'm so fucking cringe sometimes