And if they *did* bring them down then shows would be full of economists saying “O no, deflation!!”

Heck yeah. I took my grandpa out to dinner every week and among the rituals was him asking “Think I should get a drink?” and me encouraging the drink (and the second and third drink)

Even better, the lines on the can make for precise cutting

I love your great aunt

Nothing we could say is more anti-man than Dick insisting all men find teenagers attractive.

Consider adding a sub to The Onion, it will brighten your day when it arrives.

He does often seem to skip the orange makeup when he wears his golfing outfit, I'm guessing because he can't figure out how to get it all the way down into his shirt without having obvious orange stains all over the shirt?

They think MeToo went too far? It barely started down the path of going far enough.

I will agree to anything Extreme Pizza asks of me because their meatball parm sub is the most delicious sandwich in the world.

Exactly. Paying him to stay home is another option!

I love this clarification, because it does not in any way deny that Trump gave *someone* a blowjob.

SAME. “We’re checking the wings to make sure there’s no ice” yep, you go right ahead and do that for as long as you need to

Mazel tov!

Also, I'm in an online trivia league that sometimes has themed quizzes, and about a decade ago one of themes for a quiz was "Assholes" & one of the questions was just a picture of Donald Trump with the caption "This fucking guy." A simpler time, when people might not know who that was.

I desperately want to return to times when I had no idea who was running the Department of Education

They've got their mouths full (oops, I mean hands)

And now when I see a Santa in the grocery buying booze at 9am any time in December my flight response is fully triggered

I have been wearing some men's Kirkland undershirts for about 15 years. They are indestructible.

Have you read "Three Bags Full"? Although written by a German it is set in Ireland and is the COZIEST of cozies.