my mom got her rx new in 2020 and it was only a few months ago i was able to show her how to turn on the cameras when she’s going into a tight parking spot

sure, but that’s offset by them adding a picture of dr bronner to the inside of the label so he can watch you shower

wait no
i cannot tell a lie cherry pie

well my first instinct is to recreate the jfk assassination in cake… which might not be a popular idea

can you put a tattoo bandage over it? i’m pretty sure you can buy sheets at most drugstores, and that shit STAYS ON

they saw cadillac putting the torque in newton-meters on their cars and decided they couldn’t let the americans beat them at their own game

[citation needed]

it is arguably the only way to have fun on the internet anymore

3 syllables is probably too much for him to handle

my garden is overrun with them!

…how have i never thought about trying this?

i used to live right next to the buggy bank! i loved looking at the the weird stuff they would have when i was walking my dog

i’ve noticed a big uptick in people taking posts at their literal face value. i’m not sure if it’s a reading comprehension issue or just bots, either way it’s annoying af

hugs!

when i walk my dog in the morning id say at least a third of people are staring at their phone and another third have it glued to the middle of their windshield.

also about half don’t bother slowing down for speed bumps, and no one looks behind them when they’re backing out of their driveway.

it’s because none of them know how to flirt to begin with and you can’t hear shit with a hood on anyways

or so i’m told

why would you even speak that into existence