Bad Soccer Stats
@badsoccerstats.com
Per the name, these are bad, completely made up, soccer stats (unless otherwise noted).
Do not rely on them for anything other than a sensible chuckle.
Do not rely on them for anything other than a sensible chuckle.
We cannot stress highly enough how this the perfect hire for New England.
October 23, 2025 at 10:05 PM
We cannot stress highly enough how this the perfect hire for New England.
We cannot stress enough, literally cannot, how perfect this statline is. This is Total Football. The Beautiful Game has peaked.
May 5, 2025 at 1:18 AM
We cannot stress enough, literally cannot, how perfect this statline is. This is Total Football. The Beautiful Game has peaked.
RAM is a concept whose time has come.
February 5, 2025 at 4:31 PM
RAM is a concept whose time has come.
We have been working on advising Houston on this deal for weeks. He is, by all measurable metrics, the best possible hire they could have made.
February 3, 2025 at 12:21 AM
We have been working on advising Houston on this deal for weeks. He is, by all measurable metrics, the best possible hire they could have made.
We come loaded for bear.
January 31, 2025 at 2:02 AM
We come loaded for bear.
In honor of our first appearance in public at a real conference, we now have shirts.
January 22, 2025 at 5:19 AM
In honor of our first appearance in public at a real conference, we now have shirts.
They're missing his astrological issues, but the commentor is mostly correct.
January 18, 2025 at 9:29 AM
They're missing his astrological issues, but the commentor is mostly correct.
In "A River Runs Through It", Norman Maclean opines that "The world is full of b*st*rds, the number increasing rapidly the further one gets from Missoula, Montana."
We tested this postulate against Opta's top 20 club teams and it correlates quite heavily.
We tested this postulate against Opta's top 20 club teams and it correlates quite heavily.
January 13, 2025 at 7:49 PM
In "A River Runs Through It", Norman Maclean opines that "The world is full of b*st*rds, the number increasing rapidly the further one gets from Missoula, Montana."
We tested this postulate against Opta's top 20 club teams and it correlates quite heavily.
We tested this postulate against Opta's top 20 club teams and it correlates quite heavily.
For the top 50 soccer leagues in the world:
This is the Average Soccer Player Height (Measured In Standard Handgun Length) per Number of Civilian Firearms per capita.
(These are actually real numbers)
This is the Average Soccer Player Height (Measured In Standard Handgun Length) per Number of Civilian Firearms per capita.
(These are actually real numbers)
January 9, 2025 at 11:46 PM
For the top 50 soccer leagues in the world:
This is the Average Soccer Player Height (Measured In Standard Handgun Length) per Number of Civilian Firearms per capita.
(These are actually real numbers)
This is the Average Soccer Player Height (Measured In Standard Handgun Length) per Number of Civilian Firearms per capita.
(These are actually real numbers)
Would you say you have
January 4, 2025 at 11:49 PM
Would you say you have
We suggest you wear this hat whenever consuming our data.
January 4, 2025 at 11:47 PM
We suggest you wear this hat whenever consuming our data.
If animations of EFL Point Totals By Team Nickname Category By Year, 1888-2021, isn't your thing, have two static views which are equally useful.
One with points by season, one with total points over seasons.
One with points by season, one with total points over seasons.
January 4, 2025 at 4:37 AM
If animations of EFL Point Totals By Team Nickname Category By Year, 1888-2021, isn't your thing, have two static views which are equally useful.
One with points by season, one with total points over seasons.
One with points by season, one with total points over seasons.
English Football League Points per Nickname Category shown year-by-year from 1888 to 2021.
This is real, but utterly useless, so we feel it's a BadSoccerStat.
This is real, but utterly useless, so we feel it's a BadSoccerStat.
January 4, 2025 at 4:16 AM
English Football League Points per Nickname Category shown year-by-year from 1888 to 2021.
This is real, but utterly useless, so we feel it's a BadSoccerStat.
This is real, but utterly useless, so we feel it's a BadSoccerStat.
This holiday season, give the MLS sicko in your life the ultimate gift - the scent of GAM. It smells like a cross between imaginary money and Don Garber on a crisp fall day.
Order now to receive it by Christmas.
Order now to receive it by Christmas.
December 19, 2024 at 7:49 PM
This holiday season, give the MLS sicko in your life the ultimate gift - the scent of GAM. It smells like a cross between imaginary money and Don Garber on a crisp fall day.
Order now to receive it by Christmas.
Order now to receive it by Christmas.
We have discovered a new statistical concept - Linear Aggression
December 18, 2024 at 4:19 PM
We have discovered a new statistical concept - Linear Aggression
This play, in Alania Vladikavkaz vs. FC Baltika Kaliningrad from the Russian First Division, likely on 11/29, is the brainchild of Gianni Infantino after watching Ted Lasso. He calls it "supporting the host country".
December 3, 2024 at 9:17 PM
This play, in Alania Vladikavkaz vs. FC Baltika Kaliningrad from the Russian First Division, likely on 11/29, is the brainchild of Gianni Infantino after watching Ted Lasso. He calls it "supporting the host country".
Correlation of Distance Passed In Yards Per Player with Number Of Minutes Player Was Observed In A Vape Shop in the 2023-2024 English Premier League season.
November 27, 2024 at 12:12 AM
Correlation of Distance Passed In Yards Per Player with Number Of Minutes Player Was Observed In A Vape Shop in the 2023-2024 English Premier League season.