Partner: *shakes treat bag in kitchen to lure cat from office chair*
Cat: stretches "Screw that. I'm comfy."
Me: *takes treat bag and shakes it*
Me: "These are delicious! I'm going to eat them all! Om nom nom!"
Cat: "Oh, hell no!" *leaps from chair to save her treats*

Sometimes words don't come out right.
Me: "I have to do the humidifier."
Partner: *eyebrow* "You have to do what?"
Me: "I have to 'do' the humidifier."
Me: "How do you think it gets so hot and steamy?"

Cat: *looks up at where I'm seated*
Me: *gestures to lap/sings Ginuwine's 'Pony'*
Me: "Jump on it. Let's do it. Ride it, My Kitty."
Me: "My saddle's waiting. Come and jump on it."
Cat: *jumps onto my lap*
Partner: *shakes their head and laughs*

My Partner and I entering a grocery store:
Partner: "Look... they have nutty fruitcake."
Me: "I thought I was your nutty fruitcake."

Myself and Partner: *exiting apartment*
Partner: "Do you have your keys, your wallet, your everything?"
Me: *pats self* "I have my keys, my wallet... "
Me: *pulls Partner into a hug* " ...my everything."

Me: "What am I? Chopped Liver?"
Partner: "I like liver."
Me: *blinks* "Thanks... "

Me: *calling out to cat* "Does baby want some warm laundry?? Better come get it while it's hot! It won't stay warm forever!"
Partner: *comes in and throws themself across the warm laundry*

Me: *passing the bedroom and sees Partner has laid down, feet exposed, toes wiggling*
Me: *pounces! on their feet/makes bitey noises* "Om nom nom!"
Partner: "MEEHHH!"
Me: "Sorry... I saw toes wiggling."

I woke to the eerie certainty I was no longer alone... and that whoever it was stood silently beside my bed. As I turned slowly to see who may be there, a pitch silhouette framed by darkness leaned over me, then, a woman's voice softly said, "Wake up; you're dreaming" ...so, I did.

Happy Halloween.

Partner: " ...my squeaky chew toy."
Me: "I don't know what you're talking about. I do not squeak."
Partner: "You just make involuntary high-pitched noises."
Me: "Meh!"

Partner: "I'm a grouchy person."
Me: "You're my grouchy person... but I can bite you, and then you're no longer grouchy--you're filled with furious vengeance."

They're always smiling after they extract the toll for my latest antics.

Partner: *idly mentioning recipes*
Partner: "...cornbread hoe cake..."
Me: "Whatdyu call me??"

Me: "Who needs a teddy bear? I'll just curl up with [my partner]; they'll keep the monsters at bay."
Me: "Hey! Why are you biting ME??"
Partner: "All the other monsters know to stay away."

Partner: "My cuddle monster."
Me: "I don't know what you're talking about. I'm no monster."
Partner: "...but you don't deny the cuddle part?"
Me: "What kind of monster would deny cuddling?"

[1/2] I dreamt I returned home with a kitten. I explained to my partner: the animal shelter had hired a magician, and every time I tried to leave a kitten appeared in one of my pockets. I insisted I was being responsible, because, I had been afraid it might have started turning into two kittens.

Incorrigible.
E-N-C-O-U-R-A-G-E-A-B-L-E
Incorrigible.