I remember seeing the EPA stats of the Ken Dorsey-coached Bills offense and thinking “okay, but have they watched any games?”

I brought Shattered Sword on a family vacation and my nephew’s eyes almost popped out of his head when he saw how thick it was.

My wife is going to be so excited to hear about this.

Doing audiobooks has been a positive change to my reading habits. I’ve read 36 books so far this year since deploying the Big Wheel Method.

I sang this to my wife and she responded “Kids are so mean.”

I had a roommate in college that ordered so much takeout from the same restaurant that it got to the point they recognized his number and would just recite his usual order back to him.

Anyway, service manual for a 1961 Cadillac for me.

Look at this Bills/Bucs game from November of 2000. 180 yards of offense, 2-10 on third down. The Bills had a sack on three consecutive plays one possession!

The Bucs still scored 31 points.

This part about a fishing license is my favorite.

Adobe Acrobat does this as well.

For documents *I made*

Bitch, I know what I said, it does not need to be summarized for me!

Cheney also popped up in The Last Honest Man.

I've stared to notice when certain people show up in history books (Cheney, someone in the Bush family, the British) bad things soon follow.

Are you trying to say you're kind of a big deal?

So are we all in on the Maine Beer guy now?

I had a coworker who explained the elaborate process she had to do each time she wanted to microwave fish at work, which begs the question why the fuck was she microwaving fish multiple times?

My in-laws like to use kale for their salads because they can dress the salad ahead of time and it holds up so well!

They mention this salad hack so much it's become a running joke between my wife and I, and I fear I'll reflexively make the joke to THEM because it's so ingrained in my head.

My sleep score was a 96 last night and I would like to go back to bed.

The only bills I get in the mail are from doctor visits that weren't fully covered by health insurance, so yes, please come talk about this at the kitchen table, Politician Person. [menacingly pulls chair back from table]