Orchid
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ascaredwhale.bsky.social
Orchid
@ascaredwhale.bsky.social
130 followers 130 following 160 posts
All I see is a bunch of gas-pumping, tobacco-chewing, inbred white trash
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ascaredwhale.bsky.social
Funniest text I've ever received
June 5, 2025 at 1:06 AM
ascaredwhale.bsky.social
Kenny Omega
March 27, 2025 at 12:27 AM
ascaredwhale.bsky.social
he's vanilla baby
March 26, 2025 at 12:39 AM
ascaredwhale.bsky.social
Uriah?!
February 26, 2025 at 1:32 AM
ascaredwhale.bsky.social
Wake up bestie, new lesbians have entered the chat
February 24, 2025 at 5:55 PM
ascaredwhale.bsky.social
The white boys went off with this one
February 3, 2025 at 4:30 AM
ascaredwhale.bsky.social
Happy to report that The Merk Man came through
January 28, 2025 at 5:21 AM
ascaredwhale.bsky.social
Happy Birthday, Jay Briscoe
“NOT COSMETICALLY PLEASING” (SANDY FORK, DELAWARE) after Jay Briscoe, 2011 in the pond where my mother abandoned me, the swans are throwing a two-night parade for the president. but my brother and i are landbound, setting up the tables & chairs for the beauty pageant that will take place once the president’s human trafficking lawsuit is dismissed. two slugs and a handshake, my brother says with a scoff, spiting into the delaware air even though it keeps blowing back in into his beek. whatever happened to paying your dues? when they tell you to tug on your bootstaps, they neglect to mention that the bootstops tug back. what i mean here–i, too, have had hope snatched from my palm before i could lay my feeble heart at the foot of my oppressor. i, too, have been made to feel small- -er than an egg yolk. i, too, have gnawled my foot off at its ankle in order to take it out of my mouth. but i love the hustle: the uncertainty of virtue the grotesque head trauma & the blood on my beak. The last day I reach for the sky, I’ll be hype as a bitch. when the winner of the beauty contest is determined, she walks on stage & flexes, her oiled muscles poking out from below her feathered wings while fireworks explode over the rafters. so my brother & i senton bomb into the water when no one is looking and pluck blueberries from the billionaire’s bushels while the audience applauses about a joy they don’t quite fully understand. i smile to myself as the banquet hall goes up in flames & the president of the lake is escorted out of the event in handcuffs & my brother, so dumb & so alive, rolls the berries against his gums between the space where his front teeth used to be. “NOT COSMETICALLY PLEASING” (SANDY FORK, DELAWARE) after Jay Briscoe, 2011 in the pond where my mother abandoned me, the swans are throwing a two-night parade for the president. but my brother and i are landbound, setting up the tables & chairs for the beauty pageant that will take place once the president’s human trafficking lawsuit is dismissed. two slugs and a handshake, my brother says with a scoff, spiting into the delaware air even though it keeps blowing back in into his beek. whatever happened to paying your dues? when they tell you to tug on your bootstaps, they neglect to mention that the bootstops tug back. what i mean here–i, too, have had hope snatched from my palm before i could lay my feeble heart at the foot of my oppressor. i, too, have been made to feel small- -er than an egg yolk. i, too, have gnawled my foot off at its ankle in order to take it out of my mouth. but i love the hustle: the uncertainty of virtue the grotesque head trauma & the blood on my beak. The last day I reach for the sky, I’ll be hype as a bitch. when the winner of the beauty contest is determined, she walks on stage & flexes, her oiled muscles poking out from below her feathered wings while fireworks explode over the rafters. so my brother & i senton bomb into the water when no one is looking and pluck blueberries from the billionaire’s bushels while the audience applauses about a joy they don’t quite fully understand. i smile to myself as the banquet hall goes up in flames & the president of the lake is escorted out of the event in handcuffs & my brother, so dumb & so alive, rolls the berries against his gums between the space where his front teeth used to be.
January 25, 2025 at 8:14 PM
ascaredwhale.bsky.social
When I sneak out of the bedroom at 4 am to get ice cream and end up stubbing my toe
January 22, 2025 at 1:34 AM
ascaredwhale.bsky.social
friends, my pals are putting together a wrestling zine, please consider submitting if you write poems or CNF about wrestling!

account is @superfanzine.bsky.social
January 21, 2025 at 11:24 PM
ascaredwhale.bsky.social
imagining Dave Meltzer in 1990 trying to explain the Twin Peaks TV ratings, this shit would have broke him
January 18, 2025 at 5:40 AM
ascaredwhale.bsky.social
you ever just think about this
January 14, 2025 at 10:25 PM
ascaredwhale.bsky.social
January 9, 2025 at 3:26 AM
ascaredwhale.bsky.social
I have an idea
January 9, 2025 at 3:10 AM
ascaredwhale.bsky.social
keep forgetting to post it, but i'm writing a little about my favorite (mostly) under the radar matches of 2024.

livelaughligerbomb.substack.com/p/10-matches...

part 2 coming next week!!
January 8, 2025 at 12:49 AM
ascaredwhale.bsky.social
gn!!
January 5, 2025 at 7:55 AM
ascaredwhale.bsky.social
WK 19
January 5, 2025 at 12:41 AM
ascaredwhale.bsky.social
nw
January 4, 2025 at 4:02 AM
ascaredwhale.bsky.social
Now watching
January 1, 2025 at 4:10 AM
ascaredwhale.bsky.social
Took stock of what I (accidentally) accomplished in 2024, and ruminated on what I want to do in 2025

livelaughligerbomb.substack.com/p/a-revelati...
December 31, 2024 at 7:08 PM
ascaredwhale.bsky.social
.....if you say so
December 30, 2024 at 6:34 AM
ascaredwhale.bsky.social
WELL IF YOU WANTED HONESTLY THATS ALL YOU HAD TO SAYYYYYY
December 29, 2024 at 4:29 AM
ascaredwhale.bsky.social
nw
December 28, 2024 at 5:08 AM
ascaredwhale.bsky.social
there is only one good christmas song
December 25, 2024 at 7:09 PM
ascaredwhale.bsky.social
"Stasera sarai visitato da tre spiriti."
December 25, 2024 at 3:16 AM