Finally, the last big art trend predicted for 2026 is watercolour paintings of pigeons. That's what's gonna be in all the big galleries. Don't ask me. I'm just the messenger. I speak the words I have been taught by elite art gallery insiders.

7/7

Anything floral is a good bet. People like flowers, after all. So just, you know, make a picture of some flowers or something. Take it to the mall, the street corner, the dumpster behind Denny's. See if you can find a buyer. Lots of sewer rats like flower paintings.

6/

Fetish art, especially the kind where a beloved cartoon character from the 80s gets slowly transformed into styrofoam, is likely to be HUGE in 2026. And I don't just mean huge because the character is getting inflated like a balloon. But also that.

5/

People are getting tired of bland colours. Expect big-ticket art in 2026 to have bright colours. Experts predict big upswings in sales of art where somebody puts a lot of different colour paints in their orifices and then excretes those colours onto the canvas. If that's you, take note.

4/

Anything visual art where a corporate mascot–Ronald McDonald in particular–can be seen engaging in sexual activities is likely to attract HUGE sales from the kind of big ticket buyers you're hoping to snag. Take note: in 2026 you should make corporate mascot porn.

3/

Anxieties about climate change are predicted to drive demand amongst elite buyers for works with conceptualize and individuate nature, bonds with nature, and the communal aspects of natural living and preservation ontologies.

2/

Textiles are predicted to make a HUGE comeback. With all the AI and impersonal digital bullshit, buyers are desperate for something tactile, something they can lay hands on, something they can plainly see was made with love by a master craftsperson.

1/

That's what I imagine for this project, anyway. It will be queer in both senses. And it will deal in fetishes, both real and imagined. This will be an experiment. It will fail. It will evolve. I’m going to have fun.

We're living in strange times.

Let's make some strange porn.

6/6

I think "arthouse smut" is the correct term for the photos I imagine. We all understand that arthouse cinema can be graphic or sexually explicit without compromising its art, for example. And "arthouse" primes the viewer to expect weirdness, absurdity, surrealism, flouted genre conventions, etc.

5/

I'm interested in photos which deal explicitly with sexuality, but are "artistic" in the deeper sense of the word. I'm interested in sexy photos which are about an idea. I'm interested in photos which, perhaps, ask something more of the viewer than simply to enjoy the body of a beautiful person.

4/