Continuing to up his game on idiocy to levels unforeseen: our Mayor

Man in his 40s : “I gotta say, the middle aged European mom look is kinda doing it for me, look how big my legs look with these shoes”

Oh no someone found my memoir

I have a few questions for the kid waiting outside for the 7am bus, on a day that feels like -2, chowing down on a firework popsicle like it’s the best thing he’s ever had.

Two days into congestion pricing and the incessant honking outside my office in the morning is noticeably absent. It took me about three hours to realize that was the sound of blissful quiet.

Cemented my adult archigoth cred today - my nail lady gently asked me “maybe you could try a lighter color next time?”

The poor lady has been painting my nails colors like “deep plum”, “sea bottom blue” and “midnight forest” for the last 6 months after talking me out of actual black nails.

I may have partied too hard last night, but at least I got to hear someone say “I believe he was wearing a designer poncho” about a guy wearing a snuggie in a restaurant

Snow?!? Snow!!

Ok I’m offended I haven’t managed to see any of this supposed “snow” nyc is getting yet.

Overheard on the G today : “Fun fact, I worked for a guy once, who, and I can tell you, vampire sex? Not tops…”

Overheard on an uptown W : “Joanie, I hear there’s good pizza on prince street?”

….bro, there is so much pizza all around you. You can drown in pizza if you try.