That's what you tell your parents happened when you sit down for Christmas dinner, huh?

An indistinguishable voice speaking so slowly & with so much speed variation it becomes sickening over a single ghostly tone & some popping before it just turns off like a cable got unplugged. The clicking & static hum of a needle in the runout groove of a record becomes the beat of the next track.

Oprah Voice: "And YOU don't get what you want! And YOU don't get what you want! And YOU..."

The most important Mass of the week, some say.

Get in line.

As a Bears fan I can tell you that depending on the outcome of the game, the morning might not feel nearly as bad as you think!

They believe you should be allowed to kill people for being unattractive to them, I guess?

Getting your throat swabbed again? 😮‍💨

Too expensive (Compliment based on obvious experience & knowledge base)

I'm imagining the War Room from Dr. Strangelove but it's all your friends and instead of a world map up on the big board it's just his photo on a dart board.

Bodacious compartmentalization.

My entire posting career has been a palate cleanser.

I stopped a friend of mine who was getting really into the whole seed oils thing a while back mid-sentence with, "You really got nothing better going on, boss?"

I was wondering last night how long before that happened.

You had a hole cut into your head & your insides scooped out?

I was frozen in place at work. I was half an hour late coming home tonight because the thought of looking at my 5 year old daughter & knowing somebody else wasn't going home tonight to their kid was enough to numb my legs to the point that I couldn't stand up.