Like everything matters, it’s all adding to the path that I try and avoid by making myself desperate to do something. And then when I feel sick and hopeless the biggest thing in life is feeling a soft blanket against my cheeks and a glass of lemonade.

That skeet sounds extremely pretentious but I swear by it.

Probably a vasovagal response. Im very good at passing out, never out of fear or personal disgust, just happens sometimes. Which is funny because both my parents are licensed medical professionals

I’m not sure why it’s in those contexts specifically. If I get a scape or cut and bleed, I’m fine. Hell even if I get poked by a knife and it’s by accident and I cover it right up, it’s fine. But being sat down for blood, or letting it drip on a surface gives them feeling, or just makes me pass out

Also im talking at the void until my next therapy appointment

I dont desire death, just want to pause and be puppet-ed. I dont hate myself or think im a bad person. I wouldnt put myself in harms way at all, but i still dont like myself either because im very flawed. I wouldnt wanna be friends with me. Being flawed is being human, ik that. Not to this degree.

being a drop out, sad, purposeless loser who has no one to go to

I have no purpose, no motivation, mostly unhealthy relationships, no emotional stability, no healthy routine , and no personal health.
Ive tried the "Make small steps" ,getting a day planner, and ive tried meds, and none of those will get me out of my current trajectory, which is