Alistair King
@alistairking.bsky.social
If you’d be my bodyguard, I can be your long-lost pal.
Big homes ARE expensive to heat.
November 27, 2025 at 10:27 AM
Big homes ARE expensive to heat.
What I said after an argument as a parting shot to Morten Harket and his mates when they were working as bouncers at a really shit pub:
November 26, 2025 at 1:54 PM
What I said after an argument as a parting shot to Morten Harket and his mates when they were working as bouncers at a really shit pub:
I found it, lads, on my cycle to work: a van with stickers that make the 'honk if you want a blowjob' one that Jay bought for Simon in The Inbetweeners look like T. S. Eliot. The one in the bottom left-hand corner is the nadir for me but you might suggest another contender.
November 25, 2025 at 10:01 AM
I found it, lads, on my cycle to work: a van with stickers that make the 'honk if you want a blowjob' one that Jay bought for Simon in The Inbetweeners look like T. S. Eliot. The one in the bottom left-hand corner is the nadir for me but you might suggest another contender.
Six years ago today according to Facebook. This was the end of a work trip to Lisbon. The laughter of my colleague who filmed it is priceless.
November 24, 2025 at 7:08 PM
Six years ago today according to Facebook. This was the end of a work trip to Lisbon. The laughter of my colleague who filmed it is priceless.
This is Percy, a sausage dog my colleague often brings into the office. A few minutes ago, while chatting to the same colleague, Percy wandered over. Trying to lift him on to my lap, I cackhandedly dropped him, before quipping that I'd become a Percy Thrower, a joke I feel deserves a wider audience.
November 24, 2025 at 4:13 PM
This is Percy, a sausage dog my colleague often brings into the office. A few minutes ago, while chatting to the same colleague, Percy wandered over. Trying to lift him on to my lap, I cackhandedly dropped him, before quipping that I'd become a Percy Thrower, a joke I feel deserves a wider audience.
Neither of my children use capital letters that aren’t auto-generated or punctuation in text messages, and it’s rare - and unheard of, in the case of my son - for them to sign off with kisses. But apart from that, great scam!
November 24, 2025 at 12:56 PM
Neither of my children use capital letters that aren’t auto-generated or punctuation in text messages, and it’s rare - and unheard of, in the case of my son - for them to sign off with kisses. But apart from that, great scam!
Interesting piece on a unification referendum: www.theguardian.com/world/2025/n.... I’m with the Irish on flags. Imagine the abomination! Also, the orange in the tricolour already represents Protestants, which, as an aside, always amuses me when fans add it to Celtic kits to emphasise the Irishness.
November 24, 2025 at 8:18 AM
Interesting piece on a unification referendum: www.theguardian.com/world/2025/n.... I’m with the Irish on flags. Imagine the abomination! Also, the orange in the tricolour already represents Protestants, which, as an aside, always amuses me when fans add it to Celtic kits to emphasise the Irishness.
yesterday’s NYT Connections, which broke my 50-day streak. I got yellow and saw the cocktails connection but there were two false positives with that and the Pixar connection I suspected but didn’t know well enough. As for purple… Scarf? Fucking scarf? Even Americans don’t pronounce scoff like that.
November 22, 2025 at 10:08 AM
yesterday’s NYT Connections, which broke my 50-day streak. I got yellow and saw the cocktails connection but there were two false positives with that and the Pixar connection I suspected but didn’t know well enough. As for purple… Scarf? Fucking scarf? Even Americans don’t pronounce scoff like that.
You’ve got that right.
November 21, 2025 at 5:14 PM
You’ve got that right.
Ooh, looking forward to £5.88 worth of performative cruelty this month, lads!
November 21, 2025 at 7:43 AM
Ooh, looking forward to £5.88 worth of performative cruelty this month, lads!
Weird that Cloudflare's own site isn't down. To be honest, though, can you really trust a company that thinks the world looks like this?
November 18, 2025 at 2:23 PM
Weird that Cloudflare's own site isn't down. To be honest, though, can you really trust a company that thinks the world looks like this?
Two things:
1) Yes, I fucking know.
2) 'Dear customer'? I'm very happy to pay tax. It's my civic duty. And yeah, I suppose I get something from it, but 'customer' is pushing things.
1) Yes, I fucking know.
2) 'Dear customer'? I'm very happy to pay tax. It's my civic duty. And yeah, I suppose I get something from it, but 'customer' is pushing things.
November 18, 2025 at 10:31 AM
Two things:
1) Yes, I fucking know.
2) 'Dear customer'? I'm very happy to pay tax. It's my civic duty. And yeah, I suppose I get something from it, but 'customer' is pushing things.
1) Yes, I fucking know.
2) 'Dear customer'? I'm very happy to pay tax. It's my civic duty. And yeah, I suppose I get something from it, but 'customer' is pushing things.
It’s a shame Terry didn’t put his address last. That way, his sign would’ve been a haiku.
November 16, 2025 at 7:28 PM
It’s a shame Terry didn’t put his address last. That way, his sign would’ve been a haiku.
The subject line to this email to my MP was 'Shabana Mahmood'. This won't do much good on its own but the more of us who contact our MPs, the more likely it is that they'll collectively listen and do something.
November 16, 2025 at 9:42 AM
The subject line to this email to my MP was 'Shabana Mahmood'. This won't do much good on its own but the more of us who contact our MPs, the more likely it is that they'll collectively listen and do something.
Huh? What sort of aggressive filth is Bluesky protecting me from here? Oh. @matryer.bsky.social
November 16, 2025 at 9:35 AM
Huh? What sort of aggressive filth is Bluesky protecting me from here? Oh. @matryer.bsky.social
I think we *should* be proud of having helped people in the past. But how can Shabana Mahmood hold this view if she also thinks these actions have created the supposed problems she’s trying to tackle? It’s incoherent. That, at least, is consistent with her party’s thinking on immigration.
November 15, 2025 at 11:47 PM
I think we *should* be proud of having helped people in the past. But how can Shabana Mahmood hold this view if she also thinks these actions have created the supposed problems she’s trying to tackle? It’s incoherent. That, at least, is consistent with her party’s thinking on immigration.
My original reply related to the person here whose reply has since been deleted. To be fair to them, they HAVE deleted it and also replied with a conciliatory reply. I *think* it was this one. There were others.
November 12, 2025 at 7:03 PM
My original reply related to the person here whose reply has since been deleted. To be fair to them, they HAVE deleted it and also replied with a conciliatory reply. I *think* it was this one. There were others.
This concluding point is all important. But if Trump DID press ahead and Florida were chosen as the jurisdiction, what would stop the BBC saying "but what has Florida got to do with us? Screw you"? What extradition-like facilities are in place with this sort of thing? www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...
November 12, 2025 at 10:00 AM
This concluding point is all important. But if Trump DID press ahead and Florida were chosen as the jurisdiction, what would stop the BBC saying "but what has Florida got to do with us? Screw you"? What extradition-like facilities are in place with this sort of thing? www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...
… No Blockage, the new constipation-based gameshow with Noel Edmonds?
I wouldn’t want to have anything to do with the gunge tank on that one.
I wouldn’t want to have anything to do with the gunge tank on that one.
November 11, 2025 at 7:37 PM
… No Blockage, the new constipation-based gameshow with Noel Edmonds?
I wouldn’t want to have anything to do with the gunge tank on that one.
I wouldn’t want to have anything to do with the gunge tank on that one.
The absolute state of this disgusting rag masturbating over ‘lies’. Why the plural, lads? There was ONE element of the story that arguably misled, the corporation has apologised, and two senior execs have resigned. Not more than one. This feels like grounds to sue, to me, perhaps for $1,000,000,000.
November 11, 2025 at 7:34 PM
The absolute state of this disgusting rag masturbating over ‘lies’. Why the plural, lads? There was ONE element of the story that arguably misled, the corporation has apologised, and two senior execs have resigned. Not more than one. This feels like grounds to sue, to me, perhaps for $1,000,000,000.
Just seen someone post this. To be honest, I'm not sure this joke format really works in this context because 1) Trump is a lot more recognisable than P Diddy and 2) accusations about Trump's sexual impropriety are one of the things for which he's most well known.
November 11, 2025 at 4:40 PM
Just seen someone post this. To be honest, I'm not sure this joke format really works in this context because 1) Trump is a lot more recognisable than P Diddy and 2) accusations about Trump's sexual impropriety are one of the things for which he's most well known.
Late to this - by more than seven and a half years, it seems - but I love how just three people in the world of politics are (or were) apparently pro-Brexit.
November 11, 2025 at 3:39 PM
Late to this - by more than seven and a half years, it seems - but I love how just three people in the world of politics are (or were) apparently pro-Brexit.
