I never want to hear that women are too emotional for politics or leadership ever again.

Haven’t heard from that guy who used to post messages written in letter balloons for a while have we

If my wife gets her way, my coffin will be completely filled with throw pillows.

aquarium security noticing my bump: How far along are you?

me: Excuse me?!

octopus under my shirt: *jabs gun in my side a little harder*

me: OW, I MEAN 5 MONTHS!

Friend apologised again to me yesterday for tricking me into thinking I’d won the Victoria Park Omaze house by playing a convincing set of YouTube clips down the phone. Never felt a low like it.

I wear an ornate locket around my neck, and sometimes I'll open it up and stare at a picture of an older, different locket I used to have.

I think part of the reason Bluesky feels so refreshing is that the brands aren’t here yet

Sunny spot feels rare after our month of anticyclonic gloom 🐶

Oh no I liked one cat photo and now it’s my whole “sky” (?)