Alan Ranta
@alanranta.bsky.social
Freelance ranter about music, movies, books and TV since 2004. Bylines in such esteemed outlets as Exclaim!, PopMatters, Bandcamp, CBC Music and the Georgia Straight. Longtime Polaris Prize and Juno Awards juror. (he/him)
Toki does not approve of how I like to play with the tube.
November 17, 2025 at 3:34 PM
Toki does not approve of how I like to play with the tube.
Sure would be nice if Aziz Ansari didn't play the Riyadh Comedy Festival. His new movie is really funny and poignant, but the whole message rings hollow as soon as you leave the theatre and realize Aziz performs for blood money, which ensures people live lives far worse than the one he didn't want.
November 1, 2025 at 10:53 PM
Sure would be nice if Aziz Ansari didn't play the Riyadh Comedy Festival. His new movie is really funny and poignant, but the whole message rings hollow as soon as you leave the theatre and realize Aziz performs for blood money, which ensures people live lives far worse than the one he didn't want.
Happy Halloween, y'all!
November 1, 2025 at 1:33 AM
Happy Halloween, y'all!
Toki is having her revenge on the toque.
October 26, 2025 at 4:48 AM
Toki is having her revenge on the toque.
Don't worry. I took the toque off right after the picture. She's fine.
October 25, 2025 at 10:37 AM
Don't worry. I took the toque off right after the picture. She's fine.
Thanks! She makes cuter faces too.
October 25, 2025 at 2:19 AM
Thanks! She makes cuter faces too.
She loves her new tube too. I think I put it on right.
October 24, 2025 at 11:35 PM
She loves her new tube too. I think I put it on right.
Seriously, you gotta hear Bill Burr's latest podcast. He has some opinions about Shohei Ohtani, and we all definitely care what he has to say. There has never been a man with more integrity than Billy Bonesaw. What an honourable man of unwavering moral character, a man who walks the walk to Chili's.
October 24, 2025 at 8:55 PM
Seriously, you gotta hear Bill Burr's latest podcast. He has some opinions about Shohei Ohtani, and we all definitely care what he has to say. There has never been a man with more integrity than Billy Bonesaw. What an honourable man of unwavering moral character, a man who walks the walk to Chili's.
Toki loves her new hat. You can see the ecstasy on her face.
October 24, 2025 at 7:31 PM
Toki loves her new hat. You can see the ecstasy on her face.
I’ve spent the last three days balancing and mixing what ultimately became a 9-hour mix of Halloween music and sounds which were, to the best of my ability, entirely sourced from 1976. This may be the greatest thing I’ve ever done. Enjoy, freaks!
www.dropbox.com/scl/fo/pnpdo...
www.dropbox.com/scl/fo/pnpdo...
October 24, 2025 at 5:30 PM
I’ve spent the last three days balancing and mixing what ultimately became a 9-hour mix of Halloween music and sounds which were, to the best of my ability, entirely sourced from 1976. This may be the greatest thing I’ve ever done. Enjoy, freaks!
www.dropbox.com/scl/fo/pnpdo...
www.dropbox.com/scl/fo/pnpdo...
I changed the caption. Finally, an excuse to use comic sans!
October 23, 2025 at 9:05 PM
I changed the caption. Finally, an excuse to use comic sans!
Get out your cancelling brooms, fellow libs! It turns out Black Panther was a colonialist.
October 23, 2025 at 5:59 PM
Get out your cancelling brooms, fellow libs! It turns out Black Panther was a colonialist.
Pretty sure Andrew Schulz's moustache is a groyper caterpillar who ratatouille's his ability to spew the smuggest, dumbest takes in the entire toxic Rogansphere while giving sloppy blowjobs to dictators. This guy will always look like a bigger joke than he could ever make. What an absolute wanker.
October 21, 2025 at 8:26 PM
Pretty sure Andrew Schulz's moustache is a groyper caterpillar who ratatouille's his ability to spew the smuggest, dumbest takes in the entire toxic Rogansphere while giving sloppy blowjobs to dictators. This guy will always look like a bigger joke than he could ever make. What an absolute wanker.
If your first ever concert was a sold-out show at a 700 capacity venue attended by peak-era Drake, you are definitely an industry plant. Normally, artists have to pay their dues opening for other bands at like 100 capacity venues. Imagine the Queen biopic if their first ever concert was Live Aid.
October 20, 2025 at 2:58 AM
If your first ever concert was a sold-out show at a 700 capacity venue attended by peak-era Drake, you are definitely an industry plant. Normally, artists have to pay their dues opening for other bands at like 100 capacity venues. Imagine the Queen biopic if their first ever concert was Live Aid.
You heard wrong. Fuck off.
October 19, 2025 at 8:26 AM
You heard wrong. Fuck off.
Seriously, I make people look short.
October 17, 2025 at 6:21 PM
Seriously, I make people look short.
Turns out I am the leader of the Vancouver Island chapter of the Antifa Motorcycle Gang. Don't tell the FBI.
October 15, 2025 at 3:22 PM
Turns out I am the leader of the Vancouver Island chapter of the Antifa Motorcycle Gang. Don't tell the FBI.
"Are you up yet?!" - Toki
October 14, 2025 at 3:32 PM
"Are you up yet?!" - Toki
"I thought Nazi Germany was going to be really tense. And I’m thinking like: 'Is that a Fanta next to an IBM next to a Ford next to Chase National Bank next to a Kodak? They got f–king Kodak over here?!'"
-- Bill Burr, former comedian
-- Bill Burr, former comedian
October 8, 2025 at 6:04 PM
"I thought Nazi Germany was going to be really tense. And I’m thinking like: 'Is that a Fanta next to an IBM next to a Ford next to Chase National Bank next to a Kodak? They got f–king Kodak over here?!'"
-- Bill Burr, former comedian
-- Bill Burr, former comedian