Reposted by Chris
Big ideas need modern tools. Econ-ARK is bringing deep learning solvers to high-dimensional macro models, with reusable, modular code that will open up whole new areas of research. Realism. Reproducibility. Replicability. #FuelTheFuture numfocus.org/fuel-the-fut...
#EconARK #NumFOCUS
#EconARK #NumFOCUS
June 28, 2025 at 2:59 PM
Big ideas need modern tools. Econ-ARK is bringing deep learning solvers to high-dimensional macro models, with reusable, modular code that will open up whole new areas of research. Realism. Reproducibility. Replicability. #FuelTheFuture numfocus.org/fuel-the-fut...
#EconARK #NumFOCUS
#EconARK #NumFOCUS
Reposted by Chris
“Marco, I want you in there as Jean Valjean, and give us your full energy on ‘Look Down’—remember, chest voice, not head voice! You’re a prisoner, for goodness sake, not Patti LuPone,” said the visibly anxious president theonion.com/trump-c...
Trump Casts Cabinet In ‘Les Misérables’ Amid Kennedy Center Boycott
WASHINGTON—Sitting in the front row and snapping his fingers in time to the 1980 musical’s overture, President Donald Trump rehearsed his Cabinet for a Kennedy Center performance of Les Misérables amid an escalating boycott by the show’s usual cast, sources reported Friday. “Marco, I want you in there as Jean Valjean, and give us your […]
theonion.com
May 16, 2025 at 11:30 PM
“Marco, I want you in there as Jean Valjean, and give us your full energy on ‘Look Down’—remember, chest voice, not head voice! You’re a prisoner, for goodness sake, not Patti LuPone,” said the visibly anxious president theonion.com/trump-c...
Reposted by Chris
Texas Bans Being Different Around Children
theonion.com/texas-b...
theonion.com/texas-b...
Texas Bans Being Different Around Children
AUSTIN, TX—In a landmark piece of legislation designed to stifle individuality across the state, the Texas Legislature passed a bill Friday that legally banned being different around children. “Starting today, adults are no longer permitted to be unique or to deviate from a narrow set of cultural norms while in the presence of a minor,” Gov. […]
theonion.com
May 17, 2025 at 3:00 PM
Texas Bans Being Different Around Children
theonion.com/texas-b...
theonion.com/texas-b...
Reposted by Chris
Jordon Hudson Inducted Into NFL Hall Of Fame
May 2, 2025 at 9:00 PM
Jordon Hudson Inducted Into NFL Hall Of Fame
Reposted by Chris
“Ever since Trump pulled out a loaded handgun and menacingly swept its muzzle across the entire American populace, he’s seen a massive bump in favorability on everything from his handling of the economy to his views on immigration,” said Gallup polling analyst Eric Waltman
Trump’s Support Surges After He Points Gun At Nation
WASHINGTON—In a dramatic reversal of recent polls showing a decline in the president’s approval ratings during his first 100 days in office, new surveys confirmed Tuesday that President Donald Trump’s...
theonion.com
April 30, 2025 at 12:09 AM
“Ever since Trump pulled out a loaded handgun and menacingly swept its muzzle across the entire American populace, he’s seen a massive bump in favorability on everything from his handling of the economy to his views on immigration,” said Gallup polling analyst Eric Waltman
Reposted by Chris
Unpopular Pete Hegseth Forced To Drink Lunch Alone
theonion.com/unpopul...
theonion.com/unpopul...
Unpopular Pete Hegseth Forced To Drink Lunch Alone
WASHINGTON—Looking around with despair as he searched for an open seat in the Pentagon cafeteria, U.S. Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth was reportedly forced to drink his lunch alone Wednesday. According to witnesses, the 44-year-old former Fox News host wandered through the lunchroom and took slow, deliberate steps past tables filled with jovial military officers […]
theonion.com
April 26, 2025 at 6:00 PM
Unpopular Pete Hegseth Forced To Drink Lunch Alone
theonion.com/unpopul...
theonion.com/unpopul...
Reposted by Chris
“I was really hoping to be able to hang out with all my awesome friends at the Department of Defense today, but there was only one seat left, and they told me they were saving it for someone else.” said Pete Hegseth theonion.com/unpopul...
Unpopular Pete Hegseth Forced To Drink Lunch Alone
WASHINGTON—Looking around with despair as he searched for an open seat in the Pentagon cafeteria, U.S. Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth was reportedly forced to drink his lunch alone Wednesday. According to witnesses, the 44-year-old former Fox News host wandered through the lunchroom and took slow, deliberate steps past tables filled with jovial military officers […]
theonion.com
April 23, 2025 at 12:00 AM
“I was really hoping to be able to hang out with all my awesome friends at the Department of Defense today, but there was only one seat left, and they told me they were saving it for someone else.” said Pete Hegseth theonion.com/unpopul...
Reposted by Chris
4 Men Caught Smuggling Hundreds Of Ants
theonion.com/4-men-c...
theonion.com/4-men-c...
April 18, 2025 at 9:30 PM
4 Men Caught Smuggling Hundreds Of Ants
theonion.com/4-men-c...
theonion.com/4-men-c...
Reposted by Chris
Pros And Cons Of Bringing Back Extinct Species
theonion.com/pros-an...
theonion.com/pros-an...
April 18, 2025 at 10:00 PM
Pros And Cons Of Bringing Back Extinct Species
theonion.com/pros-an...
theonion.com/pros-an...
Reposted by Chris
Patriotic Teen Fails Spanish
April 17, 2025 at 6:05 PM
Patriotic Teen Fails Spanish
Reposted by Chris
Woman Charged With Selling Human Bones On Facebook Marketplace
theonion.com/woman-c...
theonion.com/woman-c...
April 17, 2025 at 7:00 PM
Woman Charged With Selling Human Bones On Facebook Marketplace
theonion.com/woman-c...
theonion.com/woman-c...
Reposted by Chris
Prostitute Falls Asleep During ‘Star Wars’
theonion.com/prostit...
theonion.com/prostit...
Prostitute Falls Asleep During ‘Star Wars’
LOUISVILLE, KY—Expressing a mix of frustration and stunned disbelief at the woman’s lack of enthusiasm, local man Ron Broder told reporters Wednesday that the escort whose services he had solicited for the evening fell asleep during Star Wars: Episode IV—A New Hope. The 40-year-old logistics coordinator confirmed he had paid the sex worker Misty, as […]
theonion.com
April 13, 2025 at 7:00 PM
Prostitute Falls Asleep During ‘Star Wars’
theonion.com/prostit...
theonion.com/prostit...
Reposted by Chris
“I said to him, ‘Donald, these reciprocal tariffs have got to go,’ and that poor son of a bitch was like putty in my hands,” said Trump
theonion.com/trump-b...
theonion.com/trump-b...
Trump Boasts About Strong-Arming Trump Into Pausing Tariffs
WASHINGTON—Bragging that he had forced the world leader into “total submission,” President Donald Trump boasted to reporters Thursday that he had strong-armed President Donald Trump into pausing his latest round of tariffs. “I said to him, ‘Donald, these reciprocal tariffs have got to go,’ and that poor son of a bitch was like putty in […]
theonion.com
April 11, 2025 at 12:31 AM
“I said to him, ‘Donald, these reciprocal tariffs have got to go,’ and that poor son of a bitch was like putty in my hands,” said Trump
theonion.com/trump-b...
theonion.com/trump-b...
Reposted by Chris
Florida Gators Climb Ladder With Scissors To Circumcise Dick Vitale theonion.com/florida-gato...
Florida Gators Climb Ladder With Scissors To Circumcise Dick Vitale
SAN ANTONIO—Capping off their rousing victory in the finals with a beloved NCAA basketball tradition, the Florida Gators climbed a ladder on the Alamodome court Monday night and used a pair of scissor...
theonion.com
April 8, 2025 at 4:58 AM
Florida Gators Climb Ladder With Scissors To Circumcise Dick Vitale theonion.com/florida-gato...
Reposted by Chris
Parents Gently Explain To Child That Their Money In Heaven Now
Parents Gently Explain To Child That Their Money In Heaven Now
HUNTSVILLE, AL—In an effort to comfort the child by telling her the funds had gone to a far better place, local parents Blake and Allison McKee gently explained to their daughter Friday that their mon...
theonion.com
April 4, 2025 at 9:30 PM
Parents Gently Explain To Child That Their Money In Heaven Now
Reposted by Chris
Trump Tariffs Upend Global Economic Order
theonion.com/trump-t...
theonion.com/trump-t...
April 4, 2025 at 10:00 PM
Trump Tariffs Upend Global Economic Order
theonion.com/trump-t...
theonion.com/trump-t...
Reposted by Chris
NOAA websites won’t go dark, agency says subscriber.politicopro.com/article/eene...
E&E News: NOAA websites won’t go dark, agency says
Internal documents had indicated websites connected to the Office of Oceanic and Atmospheric Research would go offline this weekend because of the termination of a cloud usage contract.
subscriber.politicopro.com
April 4, 2025 at 11:52 PM
NOAA websites won’t go dark, agency says subscriber.politicopro.com/article/eene...
Reposted by Chris
“While my trade policy might cause some temporary hardships for investors, it’s ultimately intended to completely fucking destroy the livelihoods of the financially destitute,” said Trump
theonion.com/trump-a...
theonion.com/trump-a...
Trump Assures Wall Street He’ll Go Back To Just Fucking Over Poor People Soon
WASHINGTON—In response to market panic about his new wide-ranging tariffs, President Donald Trump reportedly offered Wall Street assurance Friday that he would soon go back to just fucking over poor people. “While my trade policy might cause some temporary hardships for investors, it’s ultimately intended to completely fucking destroy the livelihoods of the financially destitute,” […]
theonion.com
April 5, 2025 at 12:00 AM
“While my trade policy might cause some temporary hardships for investors, it’s ultimately intended to completely fucking destroy the livelihoods of the financially destitute,” said Trump
theonion.com/trump-a...
theonion.com/trump-a...
Reposted by Chris
“Pulling off your garments and crawling into the pit in order to lash yourself to the Wheel of Pain is something that Americans are just going to have to get used to,” said the billionaire senior advisor to the president
theonion.com/musk-an...
theonion.com/musk-an...
Musk Announces All 340 Million Americans Must Strip And Take Turn Pushing The Wheel Of Pain
WASHINGTON—In a controversial move that has outraged those critical of President Trump’s agenda, Elon Musk announced Friday that all 340 million Americans must strip and take a turn pushing the Wheel of Pain. “Pulling off your garments and crawling into the pit in order to lash yourself to the Wheel of Pain is something that […]
theonion.com
April 5, 2025 at 1:15 AM
“Pulling off your garments and crawling into the pit in order to lash yourself to the Wheel of Pain is something that Americans are just going to have to get used to,” said the billionaire senior advisor to the president
theonion.com/musk-an...
theonion.com/musk-an...
The righteous rise… with burning eyes
March 21, 2025 at 9:54 AM
The righteous rise… with burning eyes
Reposted by Chris
Harvard Announces Free Tuition For Families Making Under $200,000
theonion.com/harvard...
theonion.com/harvard...
March 20, 2025 at 8:30 PM
Harvard Announces Free Tuition For Families Making Under $200,000
theonion.com/harvard...
theonion.com/harvard...
Reposted by Chris
Show everyone you are smart despite your current salary.
store.theonion.com/p...
store.theonion.com/p...
March 20, 2025 at 10:30 PM
Show everyone you are smart despite your current salary.
store.theonion.com/p...
store.theonion.com/p...
Reposted by Chris
Numerous Teams Express Interest In Aaron Rodgers Playing Elsewhere
Numerous Teams Express Interest In Aaron Rodgers Playing Elsewhere
NEW YORK—Leaping at the opportunity to make their intentions clear, numerous NFL front offices expressed interest this week in quarterback Aaron Rodgers playing elsewhere, sources confirmed Tuesday. “...
theonion.com
March 18, 2025 at 10:17 PM
Numerous Teams Express Interest In Aaron Rodgers Playing Elsewhere
Reposted by Chris
“Federal employees have been lazy and unmotivated for years, so to ensure productivity going forward, all government workers must email me private nudes they would never want leaked,” said Elon Musk
theonion.com/elon-mu...
theonion.com/elon-mu...
Elon Musk Creates Federal Employee Revenge Porn Database
WASHINGTON—Promising to use the U.S. DOGE Service to usher in a new age of government accountability and transparency, Elon Musk ordered the creation of a federal employee revenge porn database this week. “Federal employees have been lazy and unmotivated for years, so to ensure productivity going forward, all government workers must email me private nudes […]
theonion.com
March 12, 2025 at 12:15 AM
“Federal employees have been lazy and unmotivated for years, so to ensure productivity going forward, all government workers must email me private nudes they would never want leaked,” said Elon Musk
theonion.com/elon-mu...
theonion.com/elon-mu...