A Dapper Platypus
@adapperplatypus.bsky.social
“What if we built a team out of Jason Giambi clones” but for a military force.
January 25, 2026 at 4:40 PM
“What if we built a team out of Jason Giambi clones” but for a military force.
My full legal name has too many characters to fit into many of the paper forms that were common in the 80’s-90’s so there’s various government documents that simply chop off parts of my first or last name. DOD came after me for not registering for Selective Services because of it!
January 23, 2026 at 3:03 PM
My full legal name has too many characters to fit into many of the paper forms that were common in the 80’s-90’s so there’s various government documents that simply chop off parts of my first or last name. DOD came after me for not registering for Selective Services because of it!
Hey bud, some of my neighbors can’t afford groceries because their breadwinners were kidnapped by ICE. Some of my other neighbors also can’t afford groceries because they’re scared to go to work since they too might be kidnapped by ICE. Something to think about, maybe.
January 16, 2026 at 9:13 PM
Hey bud, some of my neighbors can’t afford groceries because their breadwinners were kidnapped by ICE. Some of my other neighbors also can’t afford groceries because they’re scared to go to work since they too might be kidnapped by ICE. Something to think about, maybe.
This version of Come On Baby Let’s Go Downtown is glorious.
January 6, 2026 at 10:23 PM
This version of Come On Baby Let’s Go Downtown is glorious.
Second hand apology accepted but I hope she understands that we ALL knew it was her stealing fists full of mini Reece’s cups and stashing the wrappers in the ice cream freezer. The garbage can was right there, Emma!
January 5, 2026 at 9:27 PM
Second hand apology accepted but I hope she understands that we ALL knew it was her stealing fists full of mini Reece’s cups and stashing the wrappers in the ice cream freezer. The garbage can was right there, Emma!
A regular at the corner store I worked at in the 00’s would come in and buy one can of Tab every single day of the week. Our distributor stopped canning it for a bit and when I told her we were out for good she asked to use the bathroom and proceeded to paint the walls in shit. Some people love Tab!
January 5, 2026 at 8:48 PM
A regular at the corner store I worked at in the 00’s would come in and buy one can of Tab every single day of the week. Our distributor stopped canning it for a bit and when I told her we were out for good she asked to use the bathroom and proceeded to paint the walls in shit. Some people love Tab!
“And this is the Purple Heart I earned during the Battle of Bridgeport in ‘25.”
Oh wow grandpa what happened?
“Five women pushing strollers and a retired general contractor who was at least 75% bratwurst called me a jagoff until I cried.”
Oh wow grandpa what happened?
“Five women pushing strollers and a retired general contractor who was at least 75% bratwurst called me a jagoff until I cried.”
November 8, 2025 at 7:02 PM
“And this is the Purple Heart I earned during the Battle of Bridgeport in ‘25.”
Oh wow grandpa what happened?
“Five women pushing strollers and a retired general contractor who was at least 75% bratwurst called me a jagoff until I cried.”
Oh wow grandpa what happened?
“Five women pushing strollers and a retired general contractor who was at least 75% bratwurst called me a jagoff until I cried.”
Pretty sure this kind of policy was responsible for Chicago’s gang database having literal toddlers in it.
October 31, 2025 at 6:40 PM
Pretty sure this kind of policy was responsible for Chicago’s gang database having literal toddlers in it.
My friend’s father, an Air Force lifer, died from breast cancer. He’d had a mastectomy! Acknowledging biological reality means acknowledging that breast tissue is identical in all humans.
October 29, 2025 at 1:53 PM
My friend’s father, an Air Force lifer, died from breast cancer. He’d had a mastectomy! Acknowledging biological reality means acknowledging that breast tissue is identical in all humans.
Three cheers for the band that taught me not to be embarrassed about wearing shiny pants and… uh.. that’s it. That’s the only lesson that song taught me. *coughs*
October 3, 2025 at 5:34 PM
Three cheers for the band that taught me not to be embarrassed about wearing shiny pants and… uh.. that’s it. That’s the only lesson that song taught me. *coughs*
My partner got knocked the fuck out in the Touché Amore pit when we caught the Sunbather 10th anniversary tour and it was STILL the best show we saw that year.
September 24, 2025 at 7:13 PM
My partner got knocked the fuck out in the Touché Amore pit when we caught the Sunbather 10th anniversary tour and it was STILL the best show we saw that year.
True but you gotta believe there’s a non-zero number of Noah Smith types who also think “I’m a smart boy they’ll give me a full commission to direct artillery from behind a desk if i enlist.” and then get domed the moment the landing craft drops its ramp.
September 18, 2025 at 6:54 PM
True but you gotta believe there’s a non-zero number of Noah Smith types who also think “I’m a smart boy they’ll give me a full commission to direct artillery from behind a desk if i enlist.” and then get domed the moment the landing craft drops its ramp.
Calm Air, LaRonge SK > Flin Flon, MB > Winnipeg MB. 40 seat twin prop plane had to emergency land in Flin Flon due to a cracked window. Waited 2ish hours for them to chopper in a tech and he couldn’t fix it, so we had to fly the rest of the way to Winnipeg below pressurization altitude.
September 17, 2025 at 4:44 PM
Calm Air, LaRonge SK > Flin Flon, MB > Winnipeg MB. 40 seat twin prop plane had to emergency land in Flin Flon due to a cracked window. Waited 2ish hours for them to chopper in a tech and he couldn’t fix it, so we had to fly the rest of the way to Winnipeg below pressurization altitude.
Found them in Chicago at Mariano’s (Kroger subsidiary). They aren’t quite for me but I don’t regret trying them.
September 12, 2025 at 6:34 PM
Found them in Chicago at Mariano’s (Kroger subsidiary). They aren’t quite for me but I don’t regret trying them.
Ray’s hoping the National Guard will finally liberate us from the tyranny of Little Free Libraries.
September 3, 2025 at 8:03 PM
Ray’s hoping the National Guard will finally liberate us from the tyranny of Little Free Libraries.
lol I might be misremembering the year and the free part. Maybe it’s time to let it go.
August 28, 2025 at 9:39 PM
lol I might be misremembering the year and the free part. Maybe it’s time to let it go.
Radiohead were playing a free show in Chicago in 2001 and when I went to request the night off it turned the other guy who worked the night shift had beaten me to it by ~ an hour. He ended up hating them, left early, and stumbled in the store drunk hoping to snag some free food. Still kinda pissed!
August 28, 2025 at 9:36 PM
Radiohead were playing a free show in Chicago in 2001 and when I went to request the night off it turned the other guy who worked the night shift had beaten me to it by ~ an hour. He ended up hating them, left early, and stumbled in the store drunk hoping to snag some free food. Still kinda pissed!
I wanted to impress my crush with how high I could swing on the swing set in her backyard and instead launched myself straight into a chain link fence. She kissed the scrape on my cheek and we were both like “oooooh that was nice!” so we tried to see if the lips were even nicer. Turns out: yes!
August 27, 2025 at 7:55 PM
I wanted to impress my crush with how high I could swing on the swing set in her backyard and instead launched myself straight into a chain link fence. She kissed the scrape on my cheek and we were both like “oooooh that was nice!” so we tried to see if the lips were even nicer. Turns out: yes!
I had a copy of this that my brother and I got in a box of remaindered comics my mom ordered for us out of the Sears Christmas catalogue and oh shit do I suddenly feel unbearably old.
July 29, 2025 at 4:45 PM
I had a copy of this that my brother and I got in a box of remaindered comics my mom ordered for us out of the Sears Christmas catalogue and oh shit do I suddenly feel unbearably old.
Rumor has it Mamdani has spoken negatively about boys who smell like salami AND boys who never apologize.
July 8, 2025 at 4:59 AM
Rumor has it Mamdani has spoken negatively about boys who smell like salami AND boys who never apologize.
We used to come here for day labor gigs, stand here every day. Things changed, you see. They don’t come here to find day labor gigs anymore.
*the saddest violin you’ve ever heard builds a single wavering note to a crescendo for a solid 7 minutes*
*the saddest violin you’ve ever heard builds a single wavering note to a crescendo for a solid 7 minutes*
June 8, 2025 at 3:25 PM
We used to come here for day labor gigs, stand here every day. Things changed, you see. They don’t come here to find day labor gigs anymore.
*the saddest violin you’ve ever heard builds a single wavering note to a crescendo for a solid 7 minutes*
*the saddest violin you’ve ever heard builds a single wavering note to a crescendo for a solid 7 minutes*
The neighbors have begun weighing in and some have suggested that Loretta was no angel.
May 27, 2025 at 5:14 PM
The neighbors have begun weighing in and some have suggested that Loretta was no angel.