Patricia MacDowell (Human Being)
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actually-autistic.bsky.social
Patricia MacDowell (Human Being)
@actually-autistic.bsky.social
380 followers 1 following 4.9K posts
Autistic Advocate
Filmmaker | Memoirist
AI = Autistic Intelligence
#Autistic #Neurodivergent #ADHD
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actually-autistic.bsky.social
Alt text: Infographic titled “Autistic Shutdown May Look Like.” The background is soft pastel colors with nine cartoon illustrations showing different signs of an autistic shutdown: 1. A person with dark hair in a bun holds their hands over their mouth, eyes wide. Text below: “Losing ability to speak or respond.” 2. A person sits on the floor with knees pulled to their chest and head resting on their arms. Text below: “Needing to be completely alone.” 3. A person holds both hands to their head with yellow lines near their ears. Text below: “Feeling numb, frozen, or spaced out.” 4. A person turns their head away, avoiding eye contact. Text below: “Avoiding eye contact or interaction.” 5. A blue speech bubble with three dots. Text below: “Going non-speaking to prevent a meltdown.” 6. A person with black hair in pigtails looks distressed, eyes closed. Text below: “Struggling to process words or sounds.” 7. A yellow neutral-face emoji. Text below: “Muted or flat facial expressions.” 8. A person stands stiffly with shaking lines near their body. Text below: “Unable to move or complete tasks.” 9. A person sits slumped on the floor with their head down beside a bowl and water bottle. Text below: “Extreme mental and physical fatigue.”
October 18, 2025 at 12:22 AM
actually-autistic.bsky.social
Many late-diagnosed autistic individuals carry a quiet insecurity shaped by what might have been if they had known earlier: better support, different choices, less self-doubt.

That insecurity runs deep, and it comes from more than just low self-esteem. Here are some of the ways it takes root…
Always Feeling “Too Much” or “Not Enough” Without a diagnosis, differences in communication, sensory needs, or energy get read as flaws or personal failings. You end up second-guessing everything: Did I say too much? Did I react wrong? Am I being weird? Masking Without Knowing You learn to hide the parts of yourself that draw criticism — stimming, blunt honesty, intense focus — but you don’t understand why you’re doing it. This creates a deep insecurity because your “real” self feels risky, and your “masked” self feels fake. Social Guesswork Growing up undiagnosed often means constantly analyzing others, trying to piece together “the rules.” When you inevitably misstep, you feel broken, not just awkward. That breeds a lifelong insecurity around belonging. Internalized Blame Teachers, peers, even family may label you as lazy, dramatic, shy, or difficult. Without autism as an explanation, you internalize those labels. The insecurity lingers into adulthood, even after diagnosis, because those early messages run deep.
September 9, 2025 at 12:52 PM
actually-autistic.bsky.social
🌿 Kind reminder:
What I share is based on a mix of lived experience and ongoing research — offering insight into how autism can uniquely affect the gut, brain, and nervous system.
A social media post with light formatting and pastel emojis that introduces a kind reminder about autism and the gut-brain connection. The text reads: 🌿 Kind reminder: What I share here often comes from a mix of lived experience and ongoing research. Autism often brings unique patterns in how the gut, brain, and nervous system interact. 🧠 Many autistic people experience ongoing digestive issues — not just discomfort, but a system-level disruption that affects mood, energy, and regulation. 🧬 Studies point to distinct differences in gut microbiota, including which bacteria are present and how they function. 🔭 Some research also highlights differences in how serotonin and tryptophan are processed — both deeply connected to mood and digestion. 🌟 When you add in sensory sensitivity, interoception differences, and a heightened stress response, the impact goes beyond the gut. It can shape emotional regulation, overwhelm, even shutdowns. These aren’t just medical side notes — they’re part of the autistic experience. And by bringing more awareness to that difference, we help shape better understanding and support.
September 2, 2025 at 12:59 PM
actually-autistic.bsky.social
Alt text: Light pink infographic titled “Signs of Autistic Shutdown (That Are Easy to Miss).” A subtitle reads: “Shutdown isn’t failure — it’s your nervous system going into safety mode.” Below are ten illustrated signs of autistic shutdown, each paired with a small icon: 1. 😶 *Can’t speak, even if you want to* — Words disappear when you try to talk 2. 🛏 *Hide in bed or small spaces* — Seeking silence, safety, invisibility 3. 📱 *Ghosting everyone* — Even people you love or feel safe with 4. 🧍 *Going still or frozen* — You’re not “doing nothing,” you’re shut down 5. 🧠 *Can’t process thoughts* — Everything feels scrambled or blank 6. ❌ *Unable to make decisions* — Even simple choices feel overwhelming 7. 🔁 *Looping sounds or words* — Repetition becomes a nervous system anchor 8. 💔 *Emotionally detached* — You stop reacting, even to big things At the bottom, there’s an illustration of a person curled up on the ground, wearing soft pink clothes, looking distressed. The final line in bold pink text reads: “You’re not failing — you’re shutting down to protect yourself.” Credit: @SoftlyDivergent (Instagram)
August 20, 2025 at 2:18 AM
actually-autistic.bsky.social
We can’t keep up with fast-talking surface chatter — because our brains were wired for depth, not speed. For meaning, not trivia.
August 12, 2025 at 2:30 AM
actually-autistic.bsky.social
You want to move.
You know what needs doing.

But the bridge from thought to action
is flooded.
And you’re still on the shore.
Educational infographic by Brains and Spoons, titled “Signs of Autistic Inertia.” A pastel illustration features a central drawing of a girl with long brown hair, headphones, and a pink shirt. She looks pensive and rests her head on one hand. Around her, six yellow thought bubbles list common signs of autistic inertia: Top left: "Shares traits with ADHD and executive dysfunction" Top right: "Struggle to start tasks but can hyperfocus for hours once engaged" Middle right: "Interruptions can lead to emotional outbursts" Bottom right: "Interruptions make it hard to start the task again" Bottom left: "Often tied to indecisiveness, anxiety, rigidity, and need for perfection" Middle left: "Breaking tasks into steps feels impossible" Centered at the bottom is a bold definition: “Autistic inertia is feeling ‘stuck’ and unable to move on from tasks.” Soft teal background. Gentle, rounded font and warm pastel tones throughout. Logo reads “Brains and Spoons – Neurodivergent Educator.”
August 7, 2025 at 3:04 AM
actually-autistic.bsky.social
Every gesture tucked away.
Every instinct paused.

Masking is not ease —
it is effort without rest.
🖼️ Illustration titled “Signs you might be masking (autistic)” by @muguisticsoul. Six hand-drawn panels, each showing a simplified human figure with a related caption: 1. Panel 1: Person curled up, quietly distressed. Text: “You’re not asking for help when you need it." 2. Panel 2: Person sitting on hands with small movement lines around them, suggesting restrained motion. Text: “You’re suppressing your stims.” 3. Panel 3: Person with steam or stress lines rising from their head, holding their own face. Text: “You’re withholding meltdowns.” 4. Panel 4: Person shrinking into themselves, surrounded by visual noise or overstimulating elements. Text: “You’re pretending not to be overstimulated.” 5. Panel 5: Person with blurred or multiple outlines, symbolizing mimicry. Text: “You’re mimicking your peers even though it’s uncomfortable.” 6. Panel 6: Person looking down, surrounded by speech bubbles filled with the word “sorry.” *Text: “You’re excessively apologizing for traits that slip out.”* Background is white; all illustrations are minimal and expressive in soft black linework.
August 7, 2025 at 2:59 AM
actually-autistic.bsky.social
This image powerfully illustrates the experience of autistic masking— the act of hiding one’s true self to appear “normal” in a neurotypical world. A faceless figure, filled with stars, is shown hanging various emotional masks on a clothesline, symbolizing the constant effort to perform identities that aren’t fully authentic. The accompanying quote reads: > “Autistic masking. It is an art form that slowly destroys the soul.” This speaks to the profound emotional toll masking takes — how it can lead to exhaustion, identity loss, and a deep disconnection from one’s inner self. The final line, “Labels go on soup cans. Autism is a diagnosis,” challenges the stigma and reductive labeling of autistic people, affirming that autism is not a character flaw, but a legitimate neurotype.
August 7, 2025 at 2:51 AM
actually-autistic.bsky.social
Written during the process of writing my memoir through autistic burnout — a quiet reminder to myself, and maybe others too.
Sometimes creativity is like a match trying to catch in damp air. You feel the spark — but it won’t catch right now. Still, you hold the match. It flares, then fades. Wait. Breathe. Try again, gently. Written during the process of writing my memoir through autistic burnout — a quiet reminder to myself, and maybe others too.
August 4, 2025 at 8:58 PM
actually-autistic.bsky.social
"Other people seem to move on. Why can’t I?”
That’s not a character flaw. That’s autistic neurology plus lived trauma — and science actually has language for it.
Monotropic Attention (Autistic Focus Loops) Autistic brains tend to be monotropic, meaning they focus deeply on one stream of thought or emotion at a time — and find it difficult to shift attention away, especially if the thing isn’t resolved. So when a rupture happens — a conflict, a sudden silence, a shift in someone’s tone — your brain locks onto it. Not out of obsession, but because it’s unfinished. And until it makes sense, it stays open. You can’t file it away because your system is still searching for meaning, closure, or safety. High Interoception + Pattern Recognition You may feel things more viscerally — not just emotionally, but physically. Autistic people often have heightened interoceptive sensitivity (awareness of internal states), which means your nervous system might register relational disruptions like a punch to the gut. And on top of that, your brain is always looking for patterns. When something hurts you — especially if it reminds you of past dismissal, abandonment, or confusion — your system scans backward and forward: Has this happened before? Will it happen again? What does it mean about me? Relational Trauma + Rejection Sensitivity Many late-diagnosed autistic people carry years of subtle and not-so-subtle rejection. So even small ruptures can echo loudly. This isn’t just about the moment — it’s about everything it touches. Your body might be reacting to this moment and all the similar ones before it. That’s what makes it hard to “move on.” You're not stuck — you're still processing. Differences in Emotional Processing Time Autistic people often need more time to process emotionally complex experiences. This isn’t slowness. It’s depth. You’re processing not just what happened, but why, what it meant, how it felt, and what to do with it. And the world moves on too quickly for that kind of depth.
July 29, 2025 at 3:02 AM
actually-autistic.bsky.social
A tweet-style graphic with a white background and black text reads: “The more I consider it, the more I think my autism was pretty damned obvious as a child, and I was never actually able to mask to the point of appearing neurotypical. I just think it didn't enter into people's minds that I could be autistic because I'm a girl.”
July 19, 2025 at 2:58 AM
actually-autistic.bsky.social
A tweet-style graphic with a white background and black text reads: “#Autism is a lifelong condition often characterised by: – an inability to bullshit – a pathological need for fairness – a compulsion to help others – an inexplicable need to expose hypocrisy – an excessive tendency to let other people be There is no known cure 🙄”
July 19, 2025 at 2:57 AM
actually-autistic.bsky.social
A tweet-style graphic with a dark background and white text reads: “The Autism late diagnosis grief cycle: Euphoria – now everything makes sense! The ‘wait a minute’ moment – realising how you’ve been mistreated your whole life Rage – see 2 Identity crisis – if I’m not my mask, who am I? Repeat til acceptance”
July 19, 2025 at 2:56 AM
actually-autistic.bsky.social
A tweet-style graphic with a dark background and white text reads: “‘You can’t be Autistic, you’re far too normal.’ Welcome to masking. It’s exhausting, burns me out and when it slips I turn into a bumbling mess, but thanks for making me feel both invalid and like I have to keep doing it to be accepted.”
July 19, 2025 at 2:54 AM
actually-autistic.bsky.social
A tweet-style graphic with a dark background and white text reads: “To everyone who ever said I didn’t ‘look autistic’, know that I’m constantly running ActLikePeopleExpect.exe in my brain, am not always aware I’m doing it, and it’s eating up at least 50% of my RAM. It’s also the reason for a lot of CPU overheating.”
July 19, 2025 at 2:53 AM
actually-autistic.bsky.social
A tweet-style graphic with a black background and white text reads: “I feel like autism and ADHD are diagnosed based upon how troublesome you are to others. And that's why people who masked are missed.”
July 19, 2025 at 2:52 AM
actually-autistic.bsky.social
The image is a pastel-colored infographic titled "gaslighting autistics can look like" by Izzy @autieselfcare. It lists various phrases and behaviors that constitute gaslighting against autistic individuals, presented in speech bubble shapes. The phrases and behaviors include: * "Telling us to grow out of our autism" * "Stop being lazy & making excuses" * "No one else is reacting like this" * "You are such an attention seeker" * "Blaming us if we don't understand something" * "Assuming two autistic people are the same" * "Making fun of us if we don't understand a joke & saying we have no sense of humour" * "Stop taking everything so seriously" * "Denying us support & telling us to just 'try harder'" * "Everyone is a little bit autistic" * "Having our thoughts/feelings judged based on our non verbal language. Being told we are 'emotionless'" * "Telling us our stims are rude or embarrassing" * "Judging our struggles based on how well we 'function'" * "Invalidating one's feelings & concerns" * "Saying that it is all in your head and that you should get over it" * "Telling us that our interests are stupid, a waste of time or inappropriate" * "It's no big deal" * "Stop being so dramatic" * "You don't look autistic" * "Just calm down" * "Making out that avoiding eye contact is rude" * "Only measuring empathy in neurotypical ways" * "You can't expect everyone to change just for you" * "Telling us that we don't fit neurotypical expectations that are set for us"
July 18, 2025 at 2:41 AM
actually-autistic.bsky.social
The image is a text-based graphic on a light lavender background, in a slightly smaller, bold black font, is the equation: "AuDHD = Autism + ADHD". Then, in regular black text, there's a statement: "Double the neurodivergence, double the fun... and sometimes double the burnout." This is followed by a bulleted list of characteristics, also in black text: * Sensory overload + executive dysfunction = daily chaos * You crave routines... but also get bored fast * Masking in public, melting down in private * Social hangovers after peopling too hard * Time blindness, emotional spirals, and hyperfixations * Your brain says "GO GO GO" while your nervous system says "ABSOLUTELY NOT" Below the list, there's a small horizontal line with two small four-pointed stars in the middle. Finally, at the very bottom, in a bold, italicized black font, it reads: "You're not broken. You're brilliant!"
July 18, 2025 at 2:36 AM
actually-autistic.bsky.social
AuDHD
The image is a bingo card titled "AUDHD BINGO". The card has a 5x5 grid of squares, each containing text describing various experiences or traits. The background is a light, muted color. Here are the phrases in each square, read row by row, from left to right: Row 1: * Talking with hands * introvert & extrovert * overwhelmed by own energy * Either over or under stimulated * Need to be loud and quiet Row 2: * Being "shy" with new people but very loud with friends * wearing self out by talking a lot * Labelled as "chatty" and "quiet" * Inconsistent day to day preferences * Constant conflicting needs Row 3 (Middle Row): * Overwhelmed by own sensory seeking * Hyperfixations & Special Interests * Some days easy to make friends, other days not * Some things exactly organised, most things messy * Earworms & echolalia Row 4: * Leaving things unfinished but need completeness * Emotional permanence * Work best in routine but struggle to stick to it * Exhausted by social occasions sought out * Stimming to regulate attention, emotions & energy Row 5: * More than two areas of executive function differences * Needing sameness but easily bored * Big emotions but difficulty identifying them * Either overplan and anxious or no plan and impulsive * Extreme stress with lateness but struggle to be on time At the bottom of the card, there are two social media handles: "@hat.talks.uk" on the left and "@autistic_freya" on the right.
July 18, 2025 at 2:33 AM
actually-autistic.bsky.social
The image is a screenshot of a Twitter post from the user "Neurodivergent Rebel" with the handle "@NeuroRebel". At the top, there is a profile picture of a person with light purple hair, wearing glasses, and a purple top. Next to the name "Neurodivergent Rebel", there's an emoji of a brain and a rainbow flag emoji. The tweet text, against a black background, reads: "Learning I was autistic was very important to me. Now I have a huge understanding of how greatly two peoples perspective on the same experience can vary. Not knowing that my brain worked in a different way than most of the population was very damaging. I'm healing now."
July 18, 2025 at 2:25 AM
actually-autistic.bsky.social
The image is a screenshot of a Tumblr post by the user "rowdyblastyboy". At the top, "rowdyblastyboy" is visible as the username, with a profile picture of an anime character with spiky blonde hair. Next to the username, there's a "Follow" button. The post itself has a title "autisticness be like" followed by a bulleted list of statements, illustrating experiences often associated with autism: * sorry, i can't think well right now, my hands are too dry * this smell hurts my skin * i'm looking away and playing with my hands but i promise i'm paying attention * i was looking at you and nodding politely but i didn't hear a goddamn word you said * this tastes like scratching an itch * i wore that outside for five minutes, i can't wear it in the house now * i know the fridge is full of things i like but those foods aren't Right right now
July 18, 2025 at 2:23 AM
actually-autistic.bsky.social
The image is a screenshot of an Instagram post by "autismhack_". At the top, there's the "autismhack_" profile picture, which is a blue circle with "AUTISM HACK" in white text. Below that, there's a Twitter post embedded. The Twitter post shows: * A circular profile picture with a purple hue, depicting a person or figure. * The display name "autistic gay wizard" followed by some fish emojis and then "autistic gay wizard". * The Twitter handle "@AmberlynWhite". * The text of the tweet, which reads: "someone said that it's so hard to distinguish trauma from Autism because our current society is not able to produce an Autistic person who isn't traumatized in some form and i really think we should talk more about that because wow" The overall image is a social media post sharing a thought about the intersection of autism and trauma.
July 18, 2025 at 2:22 AM
actually-autistic.bsky.social
The image shows an Instagram post from the account "autistic_therapist". The profile picture is a small circular image showing a person with dark hair. The main part of the post is a white text box with rounded corners, overlaying a background image of a burnt forest. The text in the box reads: "The thing about autistic burnout (not neurotypical burnout) is that it won't be cured by taking a break. You need to create a life that doesn't cause you to burnout, not get stuck in the burn/break cycle. Steph Jones - Psychotherapist, Author & Neuro-developmental Diagnostician" Below the text box, the Instagram handle "@autistic_therapist" is written in white text within a grey, rounded rectangle.
July 18, 2025 at 2:21 AM
actually-autistic.bsky.social
The text reads: "I know I don't look disabled. This may surprise you, but most of my body is on the inside... where you can't see it.
July 18, 2025 at 2:15 AM
actually-autistic.bsky.social
A white Facebook post with black text on a dark background from "Autism Discussion Page." The post starts with "What happens when the brain becomes overwhelmed?" and continues: "I have talked to hundreds of people on the spectrum about what it is like when they start to become overwhelmed. Processing becomes more impaired. All levels of processing start to deteriorate. The ability to register and integrate all information starts to fall apart as stress chemicals accumulate. Everything becomes confusing and unpredictable. They often report that their body experiences actual pain and engulfs them in panic. They quickly lose the ability to think, communicate, and problem solve. The ability to use language, both receptively and expressively, weakens. They cannot think through the situation or problem solve. The more we talk, the more overwhelmed they become. They often lose their ability to speak. Trying to reason with them requires too much thinking, which they do not have at that point. Their senses become heightened.
July 18, 2025 at 2:14 AM