Attempting to show empathy was such a strain on the president that he had to heel turn and blame the crash on… DEI? You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me.

Saw an 18 pack of eggs in the fridge and had to ask my dad if he took out a third mortgage.

Them: “He’s probably texting other girls right now.”

Me: “Quiet, he’s playing his solo.”

Fun Fact: Thorny devil lizards drink water with their feet. They step in water on the ground and the grooves on their skin channel water to their mouths through capillary action. This allows them to drink passively without lowering their guard.🥤🐾 #naturalhabitatshorts #naturalhabitok #naturalhabitat

My niece has recently become obsessed with putting socks on all of her plushies. When my brother sent the first pic, he apologized that the Rowlet I gave her for Christmas was not included (he was still in her bed from the night before). Today they made sure that his little feet were covered.

Saw a dog just vibing on the back of a flatbed pickup driving 40mph on my way to work. Can’t stop thinking about it tbh

Last shift before the holidays 💰🦝🍃

I’m not saying I believe in destiny or anything, but Oscar Mayer did start accepting applications to drive the Wienermobile right after I put in my notice at work 🤔

It’s been about nine months. About time to say something I guess.