Everything you've built will come to nothing and anyone who ever had a tender thought of you will never be able to utter it publicly

He's built a device capable of little else but human misery. In fact that's the only original thing it produces

No where but new York
Truly

And on my life I'll NEVER forgive them for hurting me so bad that I had to seek intervention. May you feel the guilt for 10000 upon 10000 years.

I think i just need some objective outside source to tell me I'm ok. (Or tell me I'm not!!)

So I'm gonna find a psychiatrist to see what can be done...and go to therapy

I just feel like I both stick out and blend in in bad ways and I have no anchor or guide post to calibrate against.

Its like the minute I'm not working I start soft spiraling. Confidence has taken such a hit that I'm second guessing everything.
Is what Im working on gonna be good enough? Will anybody care about it?
Its good to have friends to help out but my friends don't sign my checks

Does it feel particularly good that a dog is a load bearing pillar of my entire existence as a functional successful adult.
Not really.
But there's no special prize for doing things the right/healthy way.
We get there however we can

I don't think I'd have taken permanent steps. I don't think I have that in me. But I maybe would have tried.