Zak Toscani
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zaktoscani.bsky.social
Zak Toscani
@zaktoscani.bsky.social
Standup Comedian
Please tell me there’s a white jazz guy named Anglo Sax’in
November 14, 2025 at 2:38 AM
Reposted by Zak Toscani
A little joke about a coffee shop order gone wrong
November 13, 2025 at 5:54 PM
I need a life oversight committee bs last night I paired some leftover Chinese food with Synder’s of Hanover pretzels
November 13, 2025 at 9:14 PM
A little joke about a coffee shop order gone wrong
November 13, 2025 at 5:54 PM
Random House has rejected my book proposal of an agnostic retelling of Judy Blume’s fantastic novel retitled as “To Whom It May Concern, It’s Me, Margaret”

And by Random House, I mean I just knocked on an absolute strangers door and pitched it
November 13, 2025 at 12:01 AM
November 12, 2025 at 1:34 AM
It’s gonna be a fucking blast - you won’t wanna miss it
November 11, 2025 at 4:52 PM
Reposted by Zak Toscani
My first job
November 10, 2025 at 1:43 AM
Frozen pizzas are blank canvases you should use to paint your masterpiece
November 10, 2025 at 7:25 PM
My first job
November 10, 2025 at 1:43 AM
For as dramatic as coconuts are you’d really expect them to taste better
November 7, 2025 at 11:18 PM
In the Olive Garden of good and evil
November 7, 2025 at 5:45 PM
So this is how you use AI, eh?

*dumps a bottle of water on a laptop*
November 7, 2025 at 4:32 AM
favorite dinner experience is a seafood boil, they dump out your food from a plastic bag, you get to eat like a respectable raccoon casually digging through the oceans most delicious trash
November 6, 2025 at 11:11 PM
YouTube is serving me up lots of titles like “boring history facts to help you sleep” and “dull Greek myths for sleeping” that’s just college. I paid $65,000 for that
November 6, 2025 at 4:55 PM
Laws: don’t you look at your phone while driving

Car companies: yeah! Instead look at this bigger screen we put further away from you

Google maps: also answer a series of questions about the road your currently driving on
October 29, 2025 at 12:03 AM
Portland! Doing a holiday leftovers show at Framework on 12/27 - sketches, standup, and it’s BYOB! Get them tickets
October 25, 2025 at 11:39 PM
ordered Fogo de Chao on postmates and now there’s 25 Brazilian people outside my door holding skewers of meat
October 22, 2025 at 5:52 PM
“oysters biting today?” - me to a group of men fishing in Charleston
October 22, 2025 at 3:18 PM
Did they ever think to have a Batman villain named Badman? Could be a good foil just on account of all the confusion
October 21, 2025 at 11:09 PM
Toscani Family Reunion hats are available online for the next 24hrs! DM me. Both color ways are adjustable.

Signature by my mom, designed by a professional forger, and embroidered and brought to life by @trillblazin.bsky.social

All hats will be shipped out this week. Welcome to the family.
October 6, 2025 at 7:53 PM
You know times are tough when you’re boiling your kids pasta art
September 24, 2025 at 2:02 AM
I love technology. I love that I have to download an app to use my lightbulbs. I love having to log in every time I open the app. I love that the app had a data breach and my information was leaked. I love that a hacker has access to my mood lighting
August 26, 2025 at 6:15 AM
90 day fiancé but it’s just adult men trying to lock in a new best friend
August 18, 2025 at 2:10 PM
Started mixing frozen grapes with hot tamales and I can tell I’m flying too close to the sun
August 18, 2025 at 1:24 AM