Zack Bornstein
@zackbornstein.bsky.social
Emmy-losing Writer/Director (#Shrinking, @nbcSNL, @Netflix, @Hulu, @Dreamworks, @JimmyKimmelLive, #StrangePlanet, @NewYorker)
Not to get political, but America is very pretty and has a lot of nice folks making cool things, and I think if we had a president who wasn’t actively trying to murder us, we could have a pretty good time
January 30, 2026 at 9:31 PM
Not to get political, but America is very pretty and has a lot of nice folks making cool things, and I think if we had a president who wasn’t actively trying to murder us, we could have a pretty good time
Not to get all high and mighty, but if I had my own masked Gestapo army executing nurses in the streets, id ask them to please stop
January 30, 2026 at 9:26 PM
Not to get all high and mighty, but if I had my own masked Gestapo army executing nurses in the streets, id ask them to please stop
The 5 elements if I was Captain Planet:
January 7, 2026 at 10:10 PM
The 5 elements if I was Captain Planet:
Happy anniversary to the last time a Republican actually took a stand
January 7, 2026 at 12:48 AM
Happy anniversary to the last time a Republican actually took a stand
Going to the gym at work
Pros:
-Convenient
-Saves money
-Built in consistency
-Can shower there
-Spot friends
-Rarely crowded
Cons
-Once a quarter your boss sees your penis
Pros:
-Convenient
-Saves money
-Built in consistency
-Can shower there
-Spot friends
-Rarely crowded
Cons
-Once a quarter your boss sees your penis
January 6, 2026 at 6:12 PM
Going to the gym at work
Pros:
-Convenient
-Saves money
-Built in consistency
-Can shower there
-Spot friends
-Rarely crowded
Cons
-Once a quarter your boss sees your penis
Pros:
-Convenient
-Saves money
-Built in consistency
-Can shower there
-Spot friends
-Rarely crowded
Cons
-Once a quarter your boss sees your penis
Things JD Vance Has Stuck His Member In
January 1, 2026 at 4:10 AM
Things JD Vance Has Stuck His Member In
Can I sue Gillette for letting me do this?
December 22, 2025 at 9:27 PM
Can I sue Gillette for letting me do this?
Midsommar / Midwintar
December 22, 2025 at 7:33 PM
Midsommar / Midwintar
Apparently it takes 4 years to stop looking like non binary Pablo Escobar
December 11, 2025 at 4:39 AM
Apparently it takes 4 years to stop looking like non binary Pablo Escobar
POV: You’re about to be asked the worst 3 riddles you’ve ever heard to cross this bridge
November 28, 2025 at 10:10 PM
POV: You’re about to be asked the worst 3 riddles you’ve ever heard to cross this bridge
Happy Spider-Man Rimming Uncle Sam Day to all who celebrate
November 28, 2025 at 2:39 AM
Happy Spider-Man Rimming Uncle Sam Day to all who celebrate
Safe topics for your family Thanksgiving:
-Hamas
-Everyone’s weight, net worth
-Lives that matter
-Only thing that can stop a bad guy with a gun
-Who AI will replace first
-Who controls a woman’s body
-Sydney Sweeney ads
-Best ethnicity
-The Jews, general or specific
-Trump hot?
-Hamas
-Everyone’s weight, net worth
-Lives that matter
-Only thing that can stop a bad guy with a gun
-Who AI will replace first
-Who controls a woman’s body
-Sydney Sweeney ads
-Best ethnicity
-The Jews, general or specific
-Trump hot?
November 27, 2025 at 10:50 PM
Safe topics for your family Thanksgiving:
-Hamas
-Everyone’s weight, net worth
-Lives that matter
-Only thing that can stop a bad guy with a gun
-Who AI will replace first
-Who controls a woman’s body
-Sydney Sweeney ads
-Best ethnicity
-The Jews, general or specific
-Trump hot?
-Hamas
-Everyone’s weight, net worth
-Lives that matter
-Only thing that can stop a bad guy with a gun
-Who AI will replace first
-Who controls a woman’s body
-Sydney Sweeney ads
-Best ethnicity
-The Jews, general or specific
-Trump hot?
BREAKING: Trump pardons turkey who appeared 28 times on Epstein flight logs
November 25, 2025 at 5:16 PM
BREAKING: Trump pardons turkey who appeared 28 times on Epstein flight logs
this is killing me, why would they choose a model who looks so deeply scared and uncomfortable
November 24, 2025 at 10:00 PM
this is killing me, why would they choose a model who looks so deeply scared and uncomfortable
When you’re crushing so hard you start dressing like them
November 23, 2025 at 1:40 AM
When you’re crushing so hard you start dressing like them
Whoever finds a way to put 30g of protein in a cigarette will become the first trillionaire
November 21, 2025 at 6:33 PM
Whoever finds a way to put 30g of protein in a cigarette will become the first trillionaire
I could be staring at my hand locking my front door, and I still won’t feel 100% sure my front door was locked
November 21, 2025 at 6:16 PM
I could be staring at my hand locking my front door, and I still won’t feel 100% sure my front door was locked
why does everyone keep saying I have sad eyes
November 21, 2025 at 3:22 AM
why does everyone keep saying I have sad eyes
just realized my cats probably think I spend 10 hours a day in the garage
November 18, 2025 at 6:31 PM
just realized my cats probably think I spend 10 hours a day in the garage
It’s truly bananas we’re expected to go about our lives eating lunch and putting on pants like the President isn’t a well documented child sex predator who was best friends with the king of child sex predators
November 17, 2025 at 7:37 PM
It’s truly bananas we’re expected to go about our lives eating lunch and putting on pants like the President isn’t a well documented child sex predator who was best friends with the king of child sex predators
CNN: Trump in Epstein files
NBC: Trump in Epstein files
ABC: Trump in Epstein files
FOX:
NBC: Trump in Epstein files
ABC: Trump in Epstein files
FOX:
November 15, 2025 at 9:00 PM
CNN: Trump in Epstein files
NBC: Trump in Epstein files
ABC: Trump in Epstein files
FOX:
NBC: Trump in Epstein files
ABC: Trump in Epstein files
FOX:
Democrats with no leverage: Give in to GOP
Democrats with all the leverage, social mandate, moral authority, clear achievable win in sight: Give in to GOP
Democrats with all the leverage, social mandate, moral authority, clear achievable win in sight: Give in to GOP
November 10, 2025 at 10:24 PM
Democrats with no leverage: Give in to GOP
Democrats with all the leverage, social mandate, moral authority, clear achievable win in sight: Give in to GOP
Democrats with all the leverage, social mandate, moral authority, clear achievable win in sight: Give in to GOP
I don’t understand why Trump’s approval rating is finally slipping when he’s building a golden ballroom at his house while actively stopping 42 million Americans from getting food stamps, 40% of whom are children
November 8, 2025 at 3:25 AM
I don’t understand why Trump’s approval rating is finally slipping when he’s building a golden ballroom at his house while actively stopping 42 million Americans from getting food stamps, 40% of whom are children
I don’t understand how Trump lost so much ground from a year ago after spending every single day making people’s lives hell while raking in $3 billion in Qatari bribes through his crypto coin
November 6, 2025 at 10:13 PM
I don’t understand how Trump lost so much ground from a year ago after spending every single day making people’s lives hell while raking in $3 billion in Qatari bribes through his crypto coin
If 3 people in a row don’t pick up your call it’s because everyone you’ve ever met is in a room together voting on your greatest flaw
November 2, 2025 at 11:00 PM
If 3 people in a row don’t pick up your call it’s because everyone you’ve ever met is in a room together voting on your greatest flaw