"One" was the saddest experience that I ever knew.

Then Pandora played the "single" version, and now I feel even worse for that one.

Going to go out on a limb a little, but when I saw the "OMG" reactions to Schumer's offer to end the shutdown, my first thought was "he knows it's a bad idea but that Repubs will shoot it down and look ridiculous."

Then Repubs shot it down.

Not a big Schumer fan, but I think he played them today.

Shorter MAGA: "Dijon mustard?? Obama I such an ELITIST!!!"

Also: "Who cares about people not getting food assistance?Just wait until you see Trump's all-gold BALLROOM!"

Let's say that this whole Epstein deal is a plot line in a book you're writing. The idea of the birthday card being fake pops into your head.

Now ask: is this workable? What questions need to be answered to suspend disbelief?

WHO would do it?

HOW would it be done?

WHY would anyone do it?

Watching this Epstein debacle is like a version of "The Wizard of Oz" where the "ignore the man behind the curtain!" bit lasts for three hours.

If your edible is short on the active ingredient of LDS, try polygummy or biggummy.

Today's factoid: Dr. Frankenstein was the first scientist to harness and unleash green energy.

Shorter MAGA: "Mehhhhh who cares if Musk starts his own party? He'll draw independents and Democrats that like electric cars!"

Shorter Musk: "Look, now my artificial intelligence program thinks like HITLER!!! How cool is that??"

Fun factoid: The Isley Brothers had a forgotten member, Mos, who dropped out of the act after the flop of their debut album, "The Five of Scum and Villainy".

Trump : Musk :: Randall Flagg : Trashcan Man

The way things are going, don't be surprised if an upcoming news cyle is full of Trumphumpers being angry at Jesus for taking attention away from Hitler's birthday.

Shorter Trump: "It's illegal for journalists to write bad things about me or Aileen Cannon! These protests are illegal! This boycott is illegal! Democrats are the enemy within! There is no law broken if I save the country!"

Also:"The people I'm deporting are BAD and you have to BELIEVE ME!!!"

BREAKING NEWS: Trump reveals that actual head of DOGE is named George Glass and "you wouldn't know him".

(Would you really be surprised?)

Shorter Musk "OMG there are millions and millions of government employees, it's just too many!"

Also: "Look, I need each and every one of you government employees to respond to my email so I can evaluate your individual performance and value to the workforce!"

Trump : Musk :: Randall Flagg : Trashcan Man

Shorter Trump, 2017-today: "The Russia investigation was unfair! Rigged! Russia Russia Russia hoax!!!"

Shorter MAGA: Democrats are complaining about DOGE! That PROVES that they're corrupt!"

Kevin McCarthy: "It’s failing. What did they do? They doubled down. Tim Walz just lost for vice president. So where’d they go? They went and picked their new party chair from the land of Tim Walz and Ilhan Omar."

Says the guy from California, the land of Kamala Harris.

These people are not smart.

Shorter MAGA: "All of these big cities are run by corrupt Democrats! This has to STOP!"

Also: "Well of course it makes perfect sense that Eric Adams should have all the charges against him dropped, because Trump says so!"🤪