Actually, you have it backwards. I named my kids after my favorite passwords.
September 10, 2025 at 7:30 PM
Actually, you have it backwards. I named my kids after my favorite passwords.
Pronouncing dickhead the way JFK pronounced decade.
August 12, 2025 at 2:48 AM
Pronouncing dickhead the way JFK pronounced decade.
Consulting Dexter about his plastic sheeting technique as I design my masturbatorium.
August 6, 2025 at 10:43 PM
Consulting Dexter about his plastic sheeting technique as I design my masturbatorium.
Went to do the chef's kiss but I got confused/horny and accidentally did that tongue between your fingers thing
June 27, 2025 at 7:08 PM
Went to do the chef's kiss but I got confused/horny and accidentally did that tongue between your fingers thing
A teacher whose eyes turn into dollar signs when they see a really dumb kid.
June 11, 2025 at 7:37 PM
A teacher whose eyes turn into dollar signs when they see a really dumb kid.
*to a guy with a huge bush*
Hey, quit hogging all the pubes!
Hey, quit hogging all the pubes!
April 20, 2025 at 12:28 AM
*to a guy with a huge bush*
Hey, quit hogging all the pubes!
Hey, quit hogging all the pubes!
Normalize saying "gesundheit" to someone when they jizz.
April 6, 2025 at 7:30 PM
Normalize saying "gesundheit" to someone when they jizz.
I had a close encounter with this fella today. I don't know anything about birds, is this a hawk? It's in Arizona.
#birds #birding #birdwatching #birdwatchers
#birds #birding #birdwatching #birdwatchers
January 25, 2025 at 9:49 PM
I had a close encounter with this fella today. I don't know anything about birds, is this a hawk? It's in Arizona.
#birds #birding #birdwatching #birdwatchers
#birds #birding #birdwatching #birdwatchers
Rebecca Romijn IS Pecker Dentist.
September 2, 2024 at 5:37 PM
Rebecca Romijn IS Pecker Dentist.
A depressed sports mascot that blows its brains out with a tshirt cannon.
August 4, 2024 at 9:14 PM
A depressed sports mascot that blows its brains out with a tshirt cannon.
A Beautiful Mind? More like A Butthole-Filled Mind
October 21, 2023 at 6:54 AM
A Beautiful Mind? More like A Butthole-Filled Mind
You son of a bitches. You piece of shits. You mothers fucker.
October 19, 2023 at 4:20 AM
You son of a bitches. You piece of shits. You mothers fucker.
Went thru my old tweets to see if any were worth rescuing. Sadly, it was just the one. I'm a bad tweeter. I've accepted it.
August 22, 2023 at 10:42 PM
Went thru my old tweets to see if any were worth rescuing. Sadly, it was just the one. I'm a bad tweeter. I've accepted it.
When tending to my fantasy baseball team, I like to dress in a full baseball uniform, including a cup. Some people ask why I do that and the answer is simple: to protect my dick and balls.
August 22, 2023 at 8:00 PM
When tending to my fantasy baseball team, I like to dress in a full baseball uniform, including a cup. Some people ask why I do that and the answer is simple: to protect my dick and balls.