Tollytb🇮🇪🇪🇺🇨🇦🇬🇧
@tollytb.bsky.social
Bacon Buttie munching decrepid ex rugby player, older than pyramids planning application.Oval balls are harder to juggle.
My girlfriend just told me if this post receives 1000 lines I can get anal.
Please, please like, as I really want my flat to be spotlessly clean.
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Please, please like, as I really want my flat to be spotlessly clean.
🐢💨
February 2, 2026 at 6:20 PM
My girlfriend just told me if this post receives 1000 lines I can get anal.
Please, please like, as I really want my flat to be spotlessly clean.
🐢💨
Please, please like, as I really want my flat to be spotlessly clean.
🐢💨
My mother-law definitely hates me.
She just gave me two tickets to see Melania.
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She just gave me two tickets to see Melania.
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February 2, 2026 at 1:02 PM
My mother-law definitely hates me.
She just gave me two tickets to see Melania.
🐢💨
She just gave me two tickets to see Melania.
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Please remember.
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February 2, 2026 at 9:55 AM
Please remember.
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The older I get, the more I regret losing so many people over the years.
I've begun to think becoming a safari guide wasn't such a good idea.
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I've begun to think becoming a safari guide wasn't such a good idea.
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February 2, 2026 at 9:52 AM
The older I get, the more I regret losing so many people over the years.
I've begun to think becoming a safari guide wasn't such a good idea.
🐢💨
I've begun to think becoming a safari guide wasn't such a good idea.
🐢💨
Blindfolds: They clothes your eyes.
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February 2, 2026 at 8:51 AM
Blindfolds: They clothes your eyes.
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Crusty Philp gulps down a can of disingenuous stupid gas before every sentence that emanates from his facial rectum.
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February 2, 2026 at 8:25 AM
Crusty Philp gulps down a can of disingenuous stupid gas before every sentence that emanates from his facial rectum.
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Fun fact:
There are no Brown bears at the North pole.
They're terrified of ICE.
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There are no Brown bears at the North pole.
They're terrified of ICE.
🐢💨
February 2, 2026 at 7:55 AM
Fun fact:
There are no Brown bears at the North pole.
They're terrified of ICE.
🐢💨
There are no Brown bears at the North pole.
They're terrified of ICE.
🐢💨
I've developed a laughing gas that's also a strong laxative.
It's just for shits and giggles.
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It's just for shits and giggles.
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February 2, 2026 at 7:53 AM
I've developed a laughing gas that's also a strong laxative.
It's just for shits and giggles.
🐢💨
It's just for shits and giggles.
🐢💨
I thought I heard someone say hello to me in Arabic yesterday.
It turned out to be a false Salaam.
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It turned out to be a false Salaam.
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February 2, 2026 at 7:21 AM
I thought I heard someone say hello to me in Arabic yesterday.
It turned out to be a false Salaam.
🐢💨
It turned out to be a false Salaam.
🐢💨
Reposted by Tollytb🇮🇪🇪🇺🇨🇦🇬🇧
I called my local cinema yesterday to ask what time Melania was showing.
"What time can you get here?"
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"What time can you get here?"
🐢💨
January 31, 2026 at 6:25 AM
I called my local cinema yesterday to ask what time Melania was showing.
"What time can you get here?"
🐢💨
"What time can you get here?"
🐢💨
Reposted by Tollytb🇮🇪🇪🇺🇨🇦🇬🇧
Fact:
It's amazing how one autocorrect error in a text message can cause such serious relationship issues.
"Having a great time. I wish you were her."
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It's amazing how one autocorrect error in a text message can cause such serious relationship issues.
"Having a great time. I wish you were her."
🐢💨
January 31, 2026 at 7:22 AM
Fact:
It's amazing how one autocorrect error in a text message can cause such serious relationship issues.
"Having a great time. I wish you were her."
🐢💨
It's amazing how one autocorrect error in a text message can cause such serious relationship issues.
"Having a great time. I wish you were her."
🐢💨
Reposted by Tollytb🇮🇪🇪🇺🇨🇦🇬🇧
I've been working on a dad joke about Pythagoras, but just can't seem to find the right angle, and I keep going off at a tangent.
I'm hypotenusing here, but there's an acute possibility I may be too obtuse.
🐢💨
I'm hypotenusing here, but there's an acute possibility I may be too obtuse.
🐢💨
January 31, 2026 at 8:07 AM
I've been working on a dad joke about Pythagoras, but just can't seem to find the right angle, and I keep going off at a tangent.
I'm hypotenusing here, but there's an acute possibility I may be too obtuse.
🐢💨
I'm hypotenusing here, but there's an acute possibility I may be too obtuse.
🐢💨
Reposted by Tollytb🇮🇪🇪🇺🇨🇦🇬🇧
As I ran manically around my GP surgery yesterday, the doctor told me, "I believe you have too little stress in your life."
"Too little stress?"
"In fact, I'd go so far as to say that you have a tension deficit disorder."
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"Too little stress?"
"In fact, I'd go so far as to say that you have a tension deficit disorder."
🐢💨
February 1, 2026 at 8:02 AM
As I ran manically around my GP surgery yesterday, the doctor told me, "I believe you have too little stress in your life."
"Too little stress?"
"In fact, I'd go so far as to say that you have a tension deficit disorder."
🐢💨
"Too little stress?"
"In fact, I'd go so far as to say that you have a tension deficit disorder."
🐢💨
Reposted by Tollytb🇮🇪🇪🇺🇨🇦🇬🇧
My cat has been fitted with a prosthetic limb after an amputation.
It's a faux paw.
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It's a faux paw.
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February 1, 2026 at 8:19 AM
My cat has been fitted with a prosthetic limb after an amputation.
It's a faux paw.
🐢💨
It's a faux paw.
🐢💨
I've been offered a job at the broth factory.
It comes with stock options.
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It comes with stock options.
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February 1, 2026 at 12:09 PM
I've been offered a job at the broth factory.
It comes with stock options.
🐢💨
It comes with stock options.
🐢💨
My cat has been fitted with a prosthetic limb after an amputation.
It's a faux paw.
🐢💨
It's a faux paw.
🐢💨
February 1, 2026 at 8:19 AM
My cat has been fitted with a prosthetic limb after an amputation.
It's a faux paw.
🐢💨
It's a faux paw.
🐢💨
As I ran manically around my GP surgery yesterday, the doctor told me, "I believe you have too little stress in your life."
"Too little stress?"
"In fact, I'd go so far as to say that you have a tension deficit disorder."
🐢💨
"Too little stress?"
"In fact, I'd go so far as to say that you have a tension deficit disorder."
🐢💨
February 1, 2026 at 8:02 AM
As I ran manically around my GP surgery yesterday, the doctor told me, "I believe you have too little stress in your life."
"Too little stress?"
"In fact, I'd go so far as to say that you have a tension deficit disorder."
🐢💨
"Too little stress?"
"In fact, I'd go so far as to say that you have a tension deficit disorder."
🐢💨
Reposted by Tollytb🇮🇪🇪🇺🇨🇦🇬🇧
I've been working on a dad joke about Pythagoras, but just can't seem to find the right angle, and I keep going off at a tangent.
I'm hypotenusing here, but there's an acute possibility I may be too obtuse.
🐢💨
I'm hypotenusing here, but there's an acute possibility I may be too obtuse.
🐢💨
January 31, 2026 at 8:07 AM
I've been working on a dad joke about Pythagoras, but just can't seem to find the right angle, and I keep going off at a tangent.
I'm hypotenusing here, but there's an acute possibility I may be too obtuse.
🐢💨
I'm hypotenusing here, but there's an acute possibility I may be too obtuse.
🐢💨
Best place for em🤣
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January 31, 2026 at 7:41 AM
Best place for em🤣
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Fact:
It's amazing how one autocorrect error in a text message can cause such serious relationship issues.
"Having a great time. I wish you were her."
🐢💨
It's amazing how one autocorrect error in a text message can cause such serious relationship issues.
"Having a great time. I wish you were her."
🐢💨
January 31, 2026 at 7:22 AM
Fact:
It's amazing how one autocorrect error in a text message can cause such serious relationship issues.
"Having a great time. I wish you were her."
🐢💨
It's amazing how one autocorrect error in a text message can cause such serious relationship issues.
"Having a great time. I wish you were her."
🐢💨
I called my local cinema yesterday to ask what time Melania was showing.
"What time can you get here?"
🐢💨
"What time can you get here?"
🐢💨
January 31, 2026 at 6:25 AM
I called my local cinema yesterday to ask what time Melania was showing.
"What time can you get here?"
🐢💨
"What time can you get here?"
🐢💨
There is definitely one Scottish town that sells extremely unintelligent chips.
Dumfries.
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Dumfries.
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January 30, 2026 at 4:00 PM
There is definitely one Scottish town that sells extremely unintelligent chips.
Dumfries.
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Dumfries.
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I've just broken my can opener.
It's now a can't opener.
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It's now a can't opener.
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January 30, 2026 at 12:59 PM
I've just broken my can opener.
It's now a can't opener.
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It's now a can't opener.
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My dad always used to say, "If you got up there on your own, you can get down on your own."
Great father, terrible air traffic controller."
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Great father, terrible air traffic controller."
🐢💨
January 30, 2026 at 9:12 AM
My dad always used to say, "If you got up there on your own, you can get down on your own."
Great father, terrible air traffic controller."
🐢💨
Great father, terrible air traffic controller."
🐢💨