""The" "New" "York" "Times""
@thenewglorchtimes.bsky.social
--PARODY ACCOUNT--
This account was created by @wamimidesu.bsky.social. Please do not mistake this account for the real @nytimes.com.
""Bringing" "you" "quality" "news" "from" "New" "York" "City" ".""
This account was created by @wamimidesu.bsky.social. Please do not mistake this account for the real @nytimes.com.
""Bringing" "you" "quality" "news" "from" "New" "York" "City" ".""
Pinned
welcome to this esoteric shithole
🧵
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BREAKING: AAAAaaaAAAaaAAAaaaaAaaahhHHHhHHHHHH
January 31, 2026 at 2:29 AM
BREAKING: AAAAaaaAAAaaAAAaaaaAaaahhHHHhHHHHHH
New war machine dropped, millions expected to perish.
January 27, 2026 at 10:49 AM
New war machine dropped, millions expected to perish.
A message from Skye, the creator of this account:
I'm done with Bluesky. I'll be moving on to other platforms. I probably won't even check this platform.
It is up to the other hosts to see whether or not this account will remain active. I no longer will manage this account.
I'm done with Bluesky. I'll be moving on to other platforms. I probably won't even check this platform.
It is up to the other hosts to see whether or not this account will remain active. I no longer will manage this account.
January 26, 2026 at 7:27 PM
A message from Skye, the creator of this account:
I'm done with Bluesky. I'll be moving on to other platforms. I probably won't even check this platform.
It is up to the other hosts to see whether or not this account will remain active. I no longer will manage this account.
I'm done with Bluesky. I'll be moving on to other platforms. I probably won't even check this platform.
It is up to the other hosts to see whether or not this account will remain active. I no longer will manage this account.
OPINION: Derek you fucking piece of shit where is my fucking food i know you ate it wanker
January 26, 2026 at 4:53 PM
OPINION: Derek you fucking piece of shit where is my fucking food i know you ate it wanker
HEARTWARMING: Australia's smartest pony can predict the probabilities of a future economical collapse
January 25, 2026 at 9:58 PM
HEARTWARMING: Australia's smartest pony can predict the probabilities of a future economical collapse
I want to feel the hot piquant nuggets.
January 22, 2026 at 8:50 PM
I want to feel the hot piquant nuggets.
"BREAKING:" "The" "New" "York" "Times" "post" "market" "crashed."
January 20, 2026 at 11:20 PM
"BREAKING:" "The" "New" "York" "Times" "post" "market" "crashed."
BREAKING: ʩ𐞪ɵɣ'ɵɣɵ̃ʩ𐞪 k͜ƥ'ɵɣɵ̃ʩ𐞪 ɜ̃ʩ𐞪ɖʰ'ɘʈʰ ⱱ'ɞʪʈʰ k͜ƥ'ɜʪɜ̃ʩ𐞪ʈʰ ʕ̃ˤ'ɜ
January 20, 2026 at 11:16 PM
BREAKING: ʩ𐞪ɵɣ'ɵɣɵ̃ʩ𐞪 k͜ƥ'ɵɣɵ̃ʩ𐞪 ɜ̃ʩ𐞪ɖʰ'ɘʈʰ ⱱ'ɞʪʈʰ k͜ƥ'ɜʪɜ̃ʩ𐞪ʈʰ ʕ̃ˤ'ɜ
"The worm" considered gang sign due to recent crime rate increase in Central Park.
January 17, 2026 at 11:42 PM
"The worm" considered gang sign due to recent crime rate increase in Central Park.
0 out of fore men have lupus, affirms household.
January 17, 2026 at 11:38 PM
0 out of fore men have lupus, affirms household.
BREAKING: idk
January 17, 2026 at 11:34 PM
BREAKING: idk
Man in mankini caught jogging at central park, allegedly Frederick Quicksilver's brother.
January 17, 2026 at 11:33 PM
Man in mankini caught jogging at central park, allegedly Frederick Quicksilver's brother.
Reposted by ""The" "New" "York" "Times""
THE GLOWING ORB OF PURE HATRED and its family supposedly "constantly recieving meals that consist of the meat of animals" which is allegedly "deeply disturbing".
January 15, 2026 at 11:28 PM
THE GLOWING ORB OF PURE HATRED and its family supposedly "constantly recieving meals that consist of the meat of animals" which is allegedly "deeply disturbing".
BREAKING NE"W"S: Nobelium out on the loose after the jar it was in was destoryed by a bullet, if you have any further information please call 555-"NEWYOR"DETECTIVECHRIS thats 555-"NEWYOR"DETECTIVECHRIS.
January 15, 2026 at 6:58 PM
BREAKING NE"W"S: Nobelium out on the loose after the jar it was in was destoryed by a bullet, if you have any further information please call 555-"NEWYOR"DETECTIVECHRIS thats 555-"NEWYOR"DETECTIVECHRIS.
Reposted by ""The" "New" "York" "Times""
THE E,ECTIONS HAVE ENDED:
Due to the candidate Alecks dying from getting too close to the sun, THE GLOWING ORB OF PURE HATRED and peers have automatically won the election. Colhões Madeiraverde withdrew.
Due to the candidate Alecks dying from getting too close to the sun, THE GLOWING ORB OF PURE HATRED and peers have automatically won the election. Colhões Madeiraverde withdrew.
January 14, 2026 at 9:03 PM
THE E,ECTIONS HAVE ENDED:
Due to the candidate Alecks dying from getting too close to the sun, THE GLOWING ORB OF PURE HATRED and peers have automatically won the election. Colhões Madeiraverde withdrew.
Due to the candidate Alecks dying from getting too close to the sun, THE GLOWING ORB OF PURE HATRED and peers have automatically won the election. Colhões Madeiraverde withdrew.
"New"s: "look" at my cat, isnt he cute? ""
January 14, 2026 at 4:34 PM
"New"s: "look" at my cat, isnt he cute? ""
""The" "New" "York" "Times"" is "proud" to "announce" the "creation" of """The" "New" "York" "Times"" "Podcast"", "discussing" and "delving" into "many" different "topics""."
January 14, 2026 at 4:24 PM
""The" "New" "York" "Times"" is "proud" to "announce" the "creation" of """The" "New" "York" "Times"" "Podcast"", "discussing" and "delving" into "many" different "topics""."
Presidential candidate Orb of Pure Hatred affirms: "I HAVE WITNESSED THE DEATH AND REBIRTH OF YOUR STAR. DEATH AND DESTRUCTION IS IMMINENT FOR ALL IS INEVITABLE. SOON THE CHOSEN ONE WILL RISE UP TO ANNIHILATE ALL THE NON-BELIEVERS. THE WORD OF GLOAM WILL PREVAIL. OBEY THE GLOAM. ALL HAIL THE GLOAM."
January 12, 2026 at 6:26 PM
Presidential candidate Orb of Pure Hatred affirms: "I HAVE WITNESSED THE DEATH AND REBIRTH OF YOUR STAR. DEATH AND DESTRUCTION IS IMMINENT FOR ALL IS INEVITABLE. SOON THE CHOSEN ONE WILL RISE UP TO ANNIHILATE ALL THE NON-BELIEVERS. THE WORD OF GLOAM WILL PREVAIL. OBEY THE GLOAM. ALL HAIL THE GLOAM."
@thomyorkeparody.bsky.social just released a new single, which features him having a panic attack inside his bathtub, with @eduardofrankenstei.bsky.social singing hit Weezer song, "Pissing In The Wind" in the background
January 12, 2026 at 5:47 PM
@thomyorkeparody.bsky.social just released a new single, which features him having a panic attack inside his bathtub, with @eduardofrankenstei.bsky.social singing hit Weezer song, "Pissing In The Wind" in the background
.yadot maxe egelloc sih no dessap sah mahgnimriB ni nam tseippah ehT :SWEN DAS😓
January 12, 2026 at 5:43 PM
.yadot maxe egelloc sih no dessap sah mahgnimriB ni nam tseippah ehT :SWEN DAS😓
Onion Mitt® is still down.
January 12, 2026 at 5:36 PM
Onion Mitt® is still down.
TOUCHING: Mysterious candidate rising in polls, vexing the establishment
January 12, 2026 at 5:34 PM
TOUCHING: Mysterious candidate rising in polls, vexing the establishment
POLL: Who will you vote for in the next e,ection?
1. Incumbent Colhões Madeiraverde
2. Blorgon3000 Johnson
3. The Glowing Orb of Pure Hatred
1. Incumbent Colhões Madeiraverde
2. Blorgon3000 Johnson
3. The Glowing Orb of Pure Hatred
January 12, 2026 at 5:29 PM
POLL: Who will you vote for in the next e,ection?
1. Incumbent Colhões Madeiraverde
2. Blorgon3000 Johnson
3. The Glowing Orb of Pure Hatred
1. Incumbent Colhões Madeiraverde
2. Blorgon3000 Johnson
3. The Glowing Orb of Pure Hatred