Missy Baker
@themissybaker.bsky.social
I write a new joke every day.
If you told me that someday I’d be attracted to a pale, tall monster made entirely of sewn-together rotting corpses, I would’ve been like, yeah, that checks out.
November 20, 2025 at 8:33 AM
If you told me that someday I’d be attracted to a pale, tall monster made entirely of sewn-together rotting corpses, I would’ve been like, yeah, that checks out.
“Roads? Where we’re going, we don’t need roads.” In the 80s, it was inspirational. Now it’s a just a warning about our failing infrastructure.
November 19, 2025 at 6:06 AM
“Roads? Where we’re going, we don’t need roads.” In the 80s, it was inspirational. Now it’s a just a warning about our failing infrastructure.
I refuse to get glasses because frankly, I’ve seen enough.
November 18, 2025 at 1:19 PM
I refuse to get glasses because frankly, I’ve seen enough.
I say I wanna spend eternity with Frankenstein’s monster, but deep down I know I’d eventually wake up one Christmas morning and be like, “Oh great, another leaf, just what I wanted,” while secretly dying inside.
November 17, 2025 at 7:54 AM
I say I wanna spend eternity with Frankenstein’s monster, but deep down I know I’d eventually wake up one Christmas morning and be like, “Oh great, another leaf, just what I wanted,” while secretly dying inside.
I thought he was my rock, turns out he just had the IQ of one.
November 16, 2025 at 7:48 AM
I thought he was my rock, turns out he just had the IQ of one.
Driving in this LA rain is crazy! I almost ran off the road 3 times looking at dogs in raincoats.
November 15, 2025 at 7:40 AM
Driving in this LA rain is crazy! I almost ran off the road 3 times looking at dogs in raincoats.
If my emails got leaked I’d be so embarrassed. What if everyone finds out Old Navy misses me?
November 14, 2025 at 7:55 AM
If my emails got leaked I’d be so embarrassed. What if everyone finds out Old Navy misses me?
“This is a witch hunt and a hoax!”
- Me opening my credit card bill and seeing all the purchases I definitely made.
- Me opening my credit card bill and seeing all the purchases I definitely made.
November 13, 2025 at 9:28 AM
“This is a witch hunt and a hoax!”
- Me opening my credit card bill and seeing all the purchases I definitely made.
- Me opening my credit card bill and seeing all the purchases I definitely made.
If air can fry food, you can do anything.
November 12, 2025 at 11:05 AM
If air can fry food, you can do anything.
I can’t wait for Thanksgiving. I’m picking a fight with my family now.
November 11, 2025 at 8:26 AM
I can’t wait for Thanksgiving. I’m picking a fight with my family now.
Interviewer: Why do you want to work here?
Me: Ever since I was a little girl I dreamed of ruining the workplace.
Me: Ever since I was a little girl I dreamed of ruining the workplace.
November 10, 2025 at 6:48 AM
Interviewer: Why do you want to work here?
Me: Ever since I was a little girl I dreamed of ruining the workplace.
Me: Ever since I was a little girl I dreamed of ruining the workplace.
Funny how people prepare for the zombie apocalypse like they still wouldn't have to go into work the next day.
November 9, 2025 at 8:22 PM
Funny how people prepare for the zombie apocalypse like they still wouldn't have to go into work the next day.
Just finished watching Frankenstein and the scariest part was seeing the monster and immediately thinking “I can fix him.”
November 9, 2025 at 8:35 AM
Just finished watching Frankenstein and the scariest part was seeing the monster and immediately thinking “I can fix him.”
Walking my dog and someone yelled out “Hey mama!” I was like wow, ok. Turned around and bro was talking to his actual mom.
November 8, 2025 at 8:27 AM
Walking my dog and someone yelled out “Hey mama!” I was like wow, ok. Turned around and bro was talking to his actual mom.
Any bed can be a daybed if you’re depressed enough.
November 7, 2025 at 8:14 AM
Any bed can be a daybed if you’re depressed enough.
If this is the guy who robbed the Lourve, set him free. Even the Mona Lisa was screaming “take me.”
November 6, 2025 at 10:28 AM
If this is the guy who robbed the Lourve, set him free. Even the Mona Lisa was screaming “take me.”
Migraines have stolen so much time from me. Those were precious moments I could’ve spent staring at my phone!
November 6, 2025 at 10:24 AM
Migraines have stolen so much time from me. Those were precious moments I could’ve spent staring at my phone!
Just found out the security password for The Louvre was “Louvre.” I guess DaVinciCode69 was too obvious.
November 5, 2025 at 10:52 AM
Just found out the security password for The Louvre was “Louvre.” I guess DaVinciCode69 was too obvious.
I don’t let an extra hour of darkness make me depressed, that’s a job for the crushing weight of my existence.
November 4, 2025 at 8:59 AM
I don’t let an extra hour of darkness make me depressed, that’s a job for the crushing weight of my existence.
Not everyone hates the time change. My upstairs neighbors seem thrilled to have gained an extra hour of river dancing in concrete shoes.
November 3, 2025 at 6:12 AM
Not everyone hates the time change. My upstairs neighbors seem thrilled to have gained an extra hour of river dancing in concrete shoes.
If the world insists on being this scary, then I refuse to take down my Halloween decorations.
November 2, 2025 at 4:42 AM
If the world insists on being this scary, then I refuse to take down my Halloween decorations.
People who say they don’t celebrate Halloween have some nerve having a skeleton inside them.
November 1, 2025 at 5:43 AM
People who say they don’t celebrate Halloween have some nerve having a skeleton inside them.
Went to a haunted house that had evil clowns, deformed dolls, and a big orange pumpkin that wouldn’t stop moaning. I was like, hmm… what does this remind me of?
October 31, 2025 at 12:07 PM
Went to a haunted house that had evil clowns, deformed dolls, and a big orange pumpkin that wouldn’t stop moaning. I was like, hmm… what does this remind me of?
Halloween is all fun and games until someone compliments you on your costume and you're not wearing one.
October 30, 2025 at 11:25 PM
Halloween is all fun and games until someone compliments you on your costume and you're not wearing one.
Can’t believe it’s almost Halloween and I still haven’t filled the candy with razor blades yet!
October 30, 2025 at 7:04 AM
Can’t believe it’s almost Halloween and I still haven’t filled the candy with razor blades yet!