Missy Baker
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themissybaker.bsky.social
Missy Baker
@themissybaker.bsky.social
I write a new joke every day.
If you told me that someday I’d be attracted to a pale, tall monster made entirely of sewn-together rotting corpses, I would’ve been like, yeah, that checks out.
November 20, 2025 at 8:33 AM
“Roads? Where we’re going, we don’t need roads.” In the 80s, it was inspirational. Now it’s a just a warning about our failing infrastructure.
November 19, 2025 at 6:06 AM
I refuse to get glasses because frankly, I’ve seen enough.
November 18, 2025 at 1:19 PM
I say I wanna spend eternity with Frankenstein’s monster, but deep down I know I’d eventually wake up one Christmas morning and be like, “Oh great, another leaf, just what I wanted,” while secretly dying inside.
November 17, 2025 at 7:54 AM
I thought he was my rock, turns out he just had the IQ of one.
November 16, 2025 at 7:48 AM
Driving in this LA rain is crazy! I almost ran off the road 3 times looking at dogs in raincoats.
November 15, 2025 at 7:40 AM
If my emails got leaked I’d be so embarrassed. What if everyone finds out Old Navy misses me?
November 14, 2025 at 7:55 AM
“This is a witch hunt and a hoax!”
- Me opening my credit card bill and seeing all the purchases I definitely made.
November 13, 2025 at 9:28 AM
If air can fry food, you can do anything.
November 12, 2025 at 11:05 AM
I can’t wait for Thanksgiving. I’m picking a fight with my family now.
November 11, 2025 at 8:26 AM
Interviewer: Why do you want to work here?

Me: Ever since I was a little girl I dreamed of ruining the workplace.
November 10, 2025 at 6:48 AM
Funny how people prepare for the zombie apocalypse like they still wouldn't have to go into work the next day.
November 9, 2025 at 8:22 PM
Just finished watching Frankenstein and the scariest part was seeing the monster and immediately thinking “I can fix him.”
November 9, 2025 at 8:35 AM
Walking my dog and someone yelled out “Hey mama!” I was like wow, ok. Turned around and bro was talking to his actual mom.
November 8, 2025 at 8:27 AM
Any bed can be a daybed if you’re depressed enough.
November 7, 2025 at 8:14 AM
If this is the guy who robbed the Lourve, set him free. Even the Mona Lisa was screaming “take me.”
November 6, 2025 at 10:28 AM
Migraines have stolen so much time from me. Those were precious moments I could’ve spent staring at my phone!
November 6, 2025 at 10:24 AM
Just found out the security password for The Louvre was “Louvre.” I guess DaVinciCode69 was too obvious.
November 5, 2025 at 10:52 AM
I don’t let an extra hour of darkness make me depressed, that’s a job for the crushing weight of my existence.
November 4, 2025 at 8:59 AM
Not everyone hates the time change. My upstairs neighbors seem thrilled to have gained an extra hour of river dancing in concrete shoes.
November 3, 2025 at 6:12 AM
If the world insists on being this scary, then I refuse to take down my Halloween decorations.
November 2, 2025 at 4:42 AM
People who say they don’t celebrate Halloween have some nerve having a skeleton inside them.
November 1, 2025 at 5:43 AM
Went to a haunted house that had evil clowns, deformed dolls, and a big orange pumpkin that wouldn’t stop moaning. I was like, hmm… what does this remind me of?
October 31, 2025 at 12:07 PM
Halloween is all fun and games until someone compliments you on your costume and you're not wearing one.
October 30, 2025 at 11:25 PM
Can’t believe it’s almost Halloween and I still haven’t filled the candy with razor blades yet!
October 30, 2025 at 7:04 AM