Clinton J. Boomer
@thatboomerkid.bsky.social
I write — and write about — roleplaying games.
actually she’s only a ‘MILF’ if John Cho from the East Great Falls region of Michigan, circa 1999, wanted to fuck her
otherwise she’s just a sparkling cougar
otherwise she’s just a sparkling cougar
November 18, 2025 at 2:22 AM
actually she’s only a ‘MILF’ if John Cho from the East Great Falls region of Michigan, circa 1999, wanted to fuck her
otherwise she’s just a sparkling cougar
otherwise she’s just a sparkling cougar
Important proxies, Castlevania edition.
November 17, 2025 at 6:37 PM
Important proxies, Castlevania edition.
they should invent a version of namaste that means, like, “the tism in me vibes at the same frequency as the tism in you, my friend“
and another one that means “yeah lady i’m sure your kid is on the spectrum; as the grown adult selling them elf-cards, now pls stop interrupting our rad conversation”
and another one that means “yeah lady i’m sure your kid is on the spectrum; as the grown adult selling them elf-cards, now pls stop interrupting our rad conversation”
November 16, 2025 at 9:09 PM
they should invent a version of namaste that means, like, “the tism in me vibes at the same frequency as the tism in you, my friend“
and another one that means “yeah lady i’m sure your kid is on the spectrum; as the grown adult selling them elf-cards, now pls stop interrupting our rad conversation”
and another one that means “yeah lady i’m sure your kid is on the spectrum; as the grown adult selling them elf-cards, now pls stop interrupting our rad conversation”
Your FLGS Magical thGathering post-game etiquette guide (it *WILL* be enforced!):
Optimal: “Good game.”
Suboptimal: “Fuck your deck, pickle-shart.”
Inappropriate: “In response I disrobe; your scoop does NOT resolve. Now sit back down so Mommy can spank your naughty little tush the way she likes.”
Optimal: “Good game.”
Suboptimal: “Fuck your deck, pickle-shart.”
Inappropriate: “In response I disrobe; your scoop does NOT resolve. Now sit back down so Mommy can spank your naughty little tush the way she likes.”
November 15, 2025 at 10:35 PM
Your FLGS Magical thGathering post-game etiquette guide (it *WILL* be enforced!):
Optimal: “Good game.”
Suboptimal: “Fuck your deck, pickle-shart.”
Inappropriate: “In response I disrobe; your scoop does NOT resolve. Now sit back down so Mommy can spank your naughty little tush the way she likes.”
Optimal: “Good game.”
Suboptimal: “Fuck your deck, pickle-shart.”
Inappropriate: “In response I disrobe; your scoop does NOT resolve. Now sit back down so Mommy can spank your naughty little tush the way she likes.”
Reposted by Clinton J. Boomer
The one thing I do appreciate about the US is that no other culture I have ever encountered would produce a folksong where the devil challenges a kid to a duel in an obvious morality play about hubris and then the kid just absolutely kicks his ass and wins the fiddle
Moreover, ICE must be destroyed
Moreover, ICE must be destroyed
November 11, 2025 at 7:41 AM
The one thing I do appreciate about the US is that no other culture I have ever encountered would produce a folksong where the devil challenges a kid to a duel in an obvious morality play about hubris and then the kid just absolutely kicks his ass and wins the fiddle
Moreover, ICE must be destroyed
Moreover, ICE must be destroyed
Cleric: You’re SURE this is safe?
Wizard: I believe it was Dr. Hugo Strange, Chief of Medicine at Arkham Asylum, who said “fuck it, it’s not like this’ll make the Joker *more * crazy: let’s fire up them electrodes.”
Cleric:
Cleric: ooh that’s not good
Barbarian: Hurry UP! My wig glue is drying!
Wizard: I believe it was Dr. Hugo Strange, Chief of Medicine at Arkham Asylum, who said “fuck it, it’s not like this’ll make the Joker *more * crazy: let’s fire up them electrodes.”
Cleric:
Cleric: ooh that’s not good
Barbarian: Hurry UP! My wig glue is drying!
November 11, 2025 at 10:22 PM
Cleric: You’re SURE this is safe?
Wizard: I believe it was Dr. Hugo Strange, Chief of Medicine at Arkham Asylum, who said “fuck it, it’s not like this’ll make the Joker *more * crazy: let’s fire up them electrodes.”
Cleric:
Cleric: ooh that’s not good
Barbarian: Hurry UP! My wig glue is drying!
Wizard: I believe it was Dr. Hugo Strange, Chief of Medicine at Arkham Asylum, who said “fuck it, it’s not like this’ll make the Joker *more * crazy: let’s fire up them electrodes.”
Cleric:
Cleric: ooh that’s not good
Barbarian: Hurry UP! My wig glue is drying!
Paladin: b-but what would the FOUNDING FATHERS think?
Warlock: i don’t give one hot & greasy pickle-shart what the Founding Fucking Fath-
Barbarian: ACTUALLY
Barbarian: yeah uh *actually* it’s “The Thouding They-bors”.
Barbarian: so …
Warlock: ew i hate that
Paladin: yeah wow NO ONE likes that
Warlock: i don’t give one hot & greasy pickle-shart what the Founding Fucking Fath-
Barbarian: ACTUALLY
Barbarian: yeah uh *actually* it’s “The Thouding They-bors”.
Barbarian: so …
Warlock: ew i hate that
Paladin: yeah wow NO ONE likes that
November 9, 2025 at 10:41 PM
Paladin: b-but what would the FOUNDING FATHERS think?
Warlock: i don’t give one hot & greasy pickle-shart what the Founding Fucking Fath-
Barbarian: ACTUALLY
Barbarian: yeah uh *actually* it’s “The Thouding They-bors”.
Barbarian: so …
Warlock: ew i hate that
Paladin: yeah wow NO ONE likes that
Warlock: i don’t give one hot & greasy pickle-shart what the Founding Fucking Fath-
Barbarian: ACTUALLY
Barbarian: yeah uh *actually* it’s “The Thouding They-bors”.
Barbarian: so …
Warlock: ew i hate that
Paladin: yeah wow NO ONE likes that
Barbarian: GAH
Cleric: Oh? Pickle jar again? Heh. “One must imagine Sisyphus happy.”
Barbarian: DON’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO.
Cleric:
Cleric: My apologies; do feel free to imagine Sisyphus however you like.
Barbarian: THANK YOU.
Cleric: (resumes reading scripture)
Barbarian: (goes, gets chainsaw)
Cleric: Oh? Pickle jar again? Heh. “One must imagine Sisyphus happy.”
Barbarian: DON’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO.
Cleric:
Cleric: My apologies; do feel free to imagine Sisyphus however you like.
Barbarian: THANK YOU.
Cleric: (resumes reading scripture)
Barbarian: (goes, gets chainsaw)
November 8, 2025 at 6:17 PM
Barbarian: GAH
Cleric: Oh? Pickle jar again? Heh. “One must imagine Sisyphus happy.”
Barbarian: DON’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO.
Cleric:
Cleric: My apologies; do feel free to imagine Sisyphus however you like.
Barbarian: THANK YOU.
Cleric: (resumes reading scripture)
Barbarian: (goes, gets chainsaw)
Cleric: Oh? Pickle jar again? Heh. “One must imagine Sisyphus happy.”
Barbarian: DON’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO.
Cleric:
Cleric: My apologies; do feel free to imagine Sisyphus however you like.
Barbarian: THANK YOU.
Cleric: (resumes reading scripture)
Barbarian: (goes, gets chainsaw)
Reposted by Clinton J. Boomer
USA Photo of the year
November 7, 2025 at 3:45 PM
USA Photo of the year
just having some fun with proxies
November 6, 2025 at 8:19 AM
just having some fun with proxies
Drow: Dark elven has no word for “boyfriend”; our closest term better translates as “devoted foot-servant (horny)”.
Bard: I immediately renounce all loyalties to serve Lolth!
Cleric: No. Bad.
Drow: Interestingly, your word “hello” means “hot MILFs in your area (the Underdark) want me (my blood)”!
Bard: I immediately renounce all loyalties to serve Lolth!
Cleric: No. Bad.
Drow: Interestingly, your word “hello” means “hot MILFs in your area (the Underdark) want me (my blood)”!
November 4, 2025 at 8:58 PM
Drow: Dark elven has no word for “boyfriend”; our closest term better translates as “devoted foot-servant (horny)”.
Bard: I immediately renounce all loyalties to serve Lolth!
Cleric: No. Bad.
Drow: Interestingly, your word “hello” means “hot MILFs in your area (the Underdark) want me (my blood)”!
Bard: I immediately renounce all loyalties to serve Lolth!
Cleric: No. Bad.
Drow: Interestingly, your word “hello” means “hot MILFs in your area (the Underdark) want me (my blood)”!
Monk: Hello. My pronouns are they/them because I have the heart of a thousand warriors.
Monk: Two of them are Cheech and Chong. I feel that this last humorous statement makes me more approachable.
Bard:
Bard: Okay! So that … *IS* a pick-up line! What else ya got?
Monk: That is all I have so far.
Monk: Two of them are Cheech and Chong. I feel that this last humorous statement makes me more approachable.
Bard:
Bard: Okay! So that … *IS* a pick-up line! What else ya got?
Monk: That is all I have so far.
November 3, 2025 at 9:08 AM
Monk: Hello. My pronouns are they/them because I have the heart of a thousand warriors.
Monk: Two of them are Cheech and Chong. I feel that this last humorous statement makes me more approachable.
Bard:
Bard: Okay! So that … *IS* a pick-up line! What else ya got?
Monk: That is all I have so far.
Monk: Two of them are Cheech and Chong. I feel that this last humorous statement makes me more approachable.
Bard:
Bard: Okay! So that … *IS* a pick-up line! What else ya got?
Monk: That is all I have so far.
Bard: I can’t figure out this stupid lock.
Monk: I am also stumped.
Barbarian: STAND BACK, IDIOTS.
Cleric: Wow. You‘d think ONE of us would have a double-digit Intelligence score, right?
Barbarian: (angrily headbutting door labeled “Pull”) THAT’S RIGHT, 9 OUTTA 10! THE *HIGHEST* NUMBER THERE IS!
Monk: I am also stumped.
Barbarian: STAND BACK, IDIOTS.
Cleric: Wow. You‘d think ONE of us would have a double-digit Intelligence score, right?
Barbarian: (angrily headbutting door labeled “Pull”) THAT’S RIGHT, 9 OUTTA 10! THE *HIGHEST* NUMBER THERE IS!
November 2, 2025 at 8:19 PM
Bard: I can’t figure out this stupid lock.
Monk: I am also stumped.
Barbarian: STAND BACK, IDIOTS.
Cleric: Wow. You‘d think ONE of us would have a double-digit Intelligence score, right?
Barbarian: (angrily headbutting door labeled “Pull”) THAT’S RIGHT, 9 OUTTA 10! THE *HIGHEST* NUMBER THERE IS!
Monk: I am also stumped.
Barbarian: STAND BACK, IDIOTS.
Cleric: Wow. You‘d think ONE of us would have a double-digit Intelligence score, right?
Barbarian: (angrily headbutting door labeled “Pull”) THAT’S RIGHT, 9 OUTTA 10! THE *HIGHEST* NUMBER THERE IS!
Paladin: Ok everybody take a knee. We gotta talk battle-cries.
All: (booing)
Paladin: This is EXACTLY what I’m talking about!
Barbarian: I just yell AX!
Cleric: Mine is “I disapprove of heresy;” I’m not changing it.
Bard: *solos THROUGH THE FIRE & FLAMES on bagpipe, hip-thrusting seductively*
All: (booing)
Paladin: This is EXACTLY what I’m talking about!
Barbarian: I just yell AX!
Cleric: Mine is “I disapprove of heresy;” I’m not changing it.
Bard: *solos THROUGH THE FIRE & FLAMES on bagpipe, hip-thrusting seductively*
November 1, 2025 at 11:51 PM
Paladin: Ok everybody take a knee. We gotta talk battle-cries.
All: (booing)
Paladin: This is EXACTLY what I’m talking about!
Barbarian: I just yell AX!
Cleric: Mine is “I disapprove of heresy;” I’m not changing it.
Bard: *solos THROUGH THE FIRE & FLAMES on bagpipe, hip-thrusting seductively*
All: (booing)
Paladin: This is EXACTLY what I’m talking about!
Barbarian: I just yell AX!
Cleric: Mine is “I disapprove of heresy;” I’m not changing it.
Bard: *solos THROUGH THE FIRE & FLAMES on bagpipe, hip-thrusting seductively*
Day 15 of our 15-day countdown to the RISE OF VECNA team-vs.-team, Commander-format D&D / M:tG crossover special event!
… and in the end, dear reader, Vecna was defeated by the most unlikeliest of creatures: a German Shepard in pre-war formalwear wearing rocket-skates and wielding the Buster Sword.
… and in the end, dear reader, Vecna was defeated by the most unlikeliest of creatures: a German Shepard in pre-war formalwear wearing rocket-skates and wielding the Buster Sword.
November 1, 2025 at 3:16 AM
Day 15 of our 15-day countdown to the RISE OF VECNA team-vs.-team, Commander-format D&D / M:tG crossover special event!
… and in the end, dear reader, Vecna was defeated by the most unlikeliest of creatures: a German Shepard in pre-war formalwear wearing rocket-skates and wielding the Buster Sword.
… and in the end, dear reader, Vecna was defeated by the most unlikeliest of creatures: a German Shepard in pre-war formalwear wearing rocket-skates and wielding the Buster Sword.
Day 14 of our 15-day countdown to the RISE OF VECNA team-vs.-team, Commander-format D&D / M:tG crossover special event!
Last I checked, the canon in-game Sword of Kas is a +6 keen unholy vorpal(!) bastard sword that grants +10 to Strength.
That’s a LOT.
This feels like it'll fit the bill nicely.😊
Last I checked, the canon in-game Sword of Kas is a +6 keen unholy vorpal(!) bastard sword that grants +10 to Strength.
That’s a LOT.
This feels like it'll fit the bill nicely.😊
October 30, 2025 at 8:29 PM
Day 14 of our 15-day countdown to the RISE OF VECNA team-vs.-team, Commander-format D&D / M:tG crossover special event!
Last I checked, the canon in-game Sword of Kas is a +6 keen unholy vorpal(!) bastard sword that grants +10 to Strength.
That’s a LOT.
This feels like it'll fit the bill nicely.😊
Last I checked, the canon in-game Sword of Kas is a +6 keen unholy vorpal(!) bastard sword that grants +10 to Strength.
That’s a LOT.
This feels like it'll fit the bill nicely.😊
Day 13 of our 15-day countdown to the RISE OF VECNA team-vs.-team, Commander-format D&D / M:tG crossover special event!
What dreadful mind dares set in motion the return of Vecna? What undying evil? What total irredeemable a-hole!?
Dralnu, Lich Lord is- I’m terribly sorry to say- 100% “that Lich”.
What dreadful mind dares set in motion the return of Vecna? What undying evil? What total irredeemable a-hole!?
Dralnu, Lich Lord is- I’m terribly sorry to say- 100% “that Lich”.
October 29, 2025 at 6:05 PM
Day 13 of our 15-day countdown to the RISE OF VECNA team-vs.-team, Commander-format D&D / M:tG crossover special event!
What dreadful mind dares set in motion the return of Vecna? What undying evil? What total irredeemable a-hole!?
Dralnu, Lich Lord is- I’m terribly sorry to say- 100% “that Lich”.
What dreadful mind dares set in motion the return of Vecna? What undying evil? What total irredeemable a-hole!?
Dralnu, Lich Lord is- I’m terribly sorry to say- 100% “that Lich”.
Day 12 of our 15-day countdown to the RISE OF VECNA team-vs.-team, Commander-format D&D / M:tG crossover special event!
Citadel Cavitius, lair of Vecna, drifts across the Plane of Ash; from this tomb, his unholy presence reaches forth to subjugate all reality.
ARE YOU *BADASS* ENOUGH TO STOP HIM!?
Citadel Cavitius, lair of Vecna, drifts across the Plane of Ash; from this tomb, his unholy presence reaches forth to subjugate all reality.
ARE YOU *BADASS* ENOUGH TO STOP HIM!?
October 28, 2025 at 10:12 PM
Day 12 of our 15-day countdown to the RISE OF VECNA team-vs.-team, Commander-format D&D / M:tG crossover special event!
Citadel Cavitius, lair of Vecna, drifts across the Plane of Ash; from this tomb, his unholy presence reaches forth to subjugate all reality.
ARE YOU *BADASS* ENOUGH TO STOP HIM!?
Citadel Cavitius, lair of Vecna, drifts across the Plane of Ash; from this tomb, his unholy presence reaches forth to subjugate all reality.
ARE YOU *BADASS* ENOUGH TO STOP HIM!?
Day 11 of our 15-day countdown to the RISE OF VECNA team-vs.-team, Commander-format D&D / M:tG crossover special event!
Saint Cuthbert of the Cudgel teaches us that foolishness - like for example, Vecna’s plan to rule the universe from beyond the grave - can be beaten.
In the face.
With a hammer!
Saint Cuthbert of the Cudgel teaches us that foolishness - like for example, Vecna’s plan to rule the universe from beyond the grave - can be beaten.
In the face.
With a hammer!
October 28, 2025 at 1:35 AM
Day 11 of our 15-day countdown to the RISE OF VECNA team-vs.-team, Commander-format D&D / M:tG crossover special event!
Saint Cuthbert of the Cudgel teaches us that foolishness - like for example, Vecna’s plan to rule the universe from beyond the grave - can be beaten.
In the face.
With a hammer!
Saint Cuthbert of the Cudgel teaches us that foolishness - like for example, Vecna’s plan to rule the universe from beyond the grave - can be beaten.
In the face.
With a hammer!
Day 10 of our 15-day countdown to the RISE OF VECNA team-vs.-team, Commander-format D&D / M:tG crossover special event!
Obad-Hai, the Shalm, the Old Faith, is neutral in all things, eternal & cyclical: he’s “where nature-gods go to unplug”.
Even THIS guy hates Vecna.
*That's* how bad Vecna sucks.
Obad-Hai, the Shalm, the Old Faith, is neutral in all things, eternal & cyclical: he’s “where nature-gods go to unplug”.
Even THIS guy hates Vecna.
*That's* how bad Vecna sucks.
October 26, 2025 at 10:09 PM
Day 10 of our 15-day countdown to the RISE OF VECNA team-vs.-team, Commander-format D&D / M:tG crossover special event!
Obad-Hai, the Shalm, the Old Faith, is neutral in all things, eternal & cyclical: he’s “where nature-gods go to unplug”.
Even THIS guy hates Vecna.
*That's* how bad Vecna sucks.
Obad-Hai, the Shalm, the Old Faith, is neutral in all things, eternal & cyclical: he’s “where nature-gods go to unplug”.
Even THIS guy hates Vecna.
*That's* how bad Vecna sucks.
TRAGEDY STRIKES:
local man who loves koalas just realized that, if koalas could talk, they would undoubtedly be racist as shit :(
local man who loves koalas just realized that, if koalas could talk, they would undoubtedly be racist as shit :(
October 25, 2025 at 6:54 PM
TRAGEDY STRIKES:
local man who loves koalas just realized that, if koalas could talk, they would undoubtedly be racist as shit :(
local man who loves koalas just realized that, if koalas could talk, they would undoubtedly be racist as shit :(
Day 9 of our 15-day countdown to the RISE OF VECNA team-vs.-team, Commander-format D&D / M:tG crossover special event!
There is not one mortal brave enough to face Vecna ... FOR THERE ARE EIGHT.
(or more, I’ve lost track of the team's roster; I'm pretty sure Wolverine was a member back in the 90s)
There is not one mortal brave enough to face Vecna ... FOR THERE ARE EIGHT.
(or more, I’ve lost track of the team's roster; I'm pretty sure Wolverine was a member back in the 90s)
October 25, 2025 at 6:33 PM
Day 9 of our 15-day countdown to the RISE OF VECNA team-vs.-team, Commander-format D&D / M:tG crossover special event!
There is not one mortal brave enough to face Vecna ... FOR THERE ARE EIGHT.
(or more, I’ve lost track of the team's roster; I'm pretty sure Wolverine was a member back in the 90s)
There is not one mortal brave enough to face Vecna ... FOR THERE ARE EIGHT.
(or more, I’ve lost track of the team's roster; I'm pretty sure Wolverine was a member back in the 90s)
Day 6 of our 15-day countdown to the RISE OF VECNA team-vs.-team, Commander-format D&D / M:tG crossover special event!
Vecna is the enemy of all life, all hope, and all civilization ... but of all the people he hates, The Raven Queen herself just *might* be the one who hates him back the very most.
Vecna is the enemy of all life, all hope, and all civilization ... but of all the people he hates, The Raven Queen herself just *might* be the one who hates him back the very most.
October 22, 2025 at 10:38 PM
Day 6 of our 15-day countdown to the RISE OF VECNA team-vs.-team, Commander-format D&D / M:tG crossover special event!
Vecna is the enemy of all life, all hope, and all civilization ... but of all the people he hates, The Raven Queen herself just *might* be the one who hates him back the very most.
Vecna is the enemy of all life, all hope, and all civilization ... but of all the people he hates, The Raven Queen herself just *might* be the one who hates him back the very most.