Teddy, Local Wizard
@teddyjay.bsky.social
Drives with two hands. Professional DM, writer, entertainer.
fly in my car. rolled down a window and yelled "get out of my car!" and hot damn it did
September 3, 2025 at 7:06 PM
fly in my car. rolled down a window and yelled "get out of my car!" and hot damn it did
you can pry the arby's beef and cheddar from my cold, dead hands
because it's probably going to be what kills me and you'll need it as evidence
because it's probably going to be what kills me and you'll need it as evidence
July 8, 2025 at 12:52 PM
you can pry the arby's beef and cheddar from my cold, dead hands
because it's probably going to be what kills me and you'll need it as evidence
because it's probably going to be what kills me and you'll need it as evidence
PEOPLE THAT COME TO THE WOODS AND COMPLAIN ABOUT TOO MANY TRUCK
WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE ME DO
I CANNOT OFFROAD A HONDA CIVIC THROUGH THE FOREST OKAY
SUV IS VERY EXPENSIVE. WE CANNOT AFFORD IN THE WOODS. THEY PAY US IN LEAVES.
WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE ME DO
I CANNOT OFFROAD A HONDA CIVIC THROUGH THE FOREST OKAY
SUV IS VERY EXPENSIVE. WE CANNOT AFFORD IN THE WOODS. THEY PAY US IN LEAVES.
July 8, 2025 at 6:39 AM
PEOPLE THAT COME TO THE WOODS AND COMPLAIN ABOUT TOO MANY TRUCK
WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE ME DO
I CANNOT OFFROAD A HONDA CIVIC THROUGH THE FOREST OKAY
SUV IS VERY EXPENSIVE. WE CANNOT AFFORD IN THE WOODS. THEY PAY US IN LEAVES.
WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE ME DO
I CANNOT OFFROAD A HONDA CIVIC THROUGH THE FOREST OKAY
SUV IS VERY EXPENSIVE. WE CANNOT AFFORD IN THE WOODS. THEY PAY US IN LEAVES.
Aunty Donna's Big Ol' House of Fun is just three Australian Jim Carreys locked in a room together.
July 6, 2025 at 8:12 AM
Aunty Donna's Big Ol' House of Fun is just three Australian Jim Carreys locked in a room together.
brother i am too high to be at this planet fitness right now
June 20, 2025 at 1:52 AM
brother i am too high to be at this planet fitness right now
here we go again
June 18, 2025 at 10:39 PM
here we go again
Oh, yeah? Well, what if I quietly said "penis" in this room, legally obligating one or more of you to repeat the word at increasingly louder volumes until we upset the surrounding public?
May 24, 2025 at 5:45 AM
Oh, yeah? Well, what if I quietly said "penis" in this room, legally obligating one or more of you to repeat the word at increasingly louder volumes until we upset the surrounding public?
checking my own bank account and then getting mad at what it says like it's somehow not my fault
May 9, 2025 at 4:15 AM
checking my own bank account and then getting mad at what it says like it's somehow not my fault
Honestly at this point it feels like they're just doing it on purpose so they can hire armed goons and get their cards back for free
Really makes you not wanna buy them at all, in case they goofed and want to shoot you about it.
Really makes you not wanna buy them at all, in case they goofed and want to shoot you about it.
April 8, 2025 at 3:45 PM
Honestly at this point it feels like they're just doing it on purpose so they can hire armed goons and get their cards back for free
Really makes you not wanna buy them at all, in case they goofed and want to shoot you about it.
Really makes you not wanna buy them at all, in case they goofed and want to shoot you about it.
It's efficient
I am in a long term committed relationship with Rigby from Regular Show. An IRL MordoRigs @teddyjay.bsky.social
March 31, 2025 at 9:56 PM
It's efficient
banned from the drive thru because I keep pulling up and handing them a single manila envelope. The cashier opens it and there is nothing inside. They look up and I have already left. The restaurant is short three beef patties and no one can explain why.
March 27, 2025 at 10:46 PM
banned from the drive thru because I keep pulling up and handing them a single manila envelope. The cashier opens it and there is nothing inside. They look up and I have already left. The restaurant is short three beef patties and no one can explain why.
party city says they are out of gorilla costumes. I think they are lying to me. I think they hid them and do not want to sell me any more of them.
March 27, 2025 at 10:02 PM
party city says they are out of gorilla costumes. I think they are lying to me. I think they hid them and do not want to sell me any more of them.
the people who follow me waiting for another unhinged text post to drop
March 27, 2025 at 10:01 PM
the people who follow me waiting for another unhinged text post to drop
followers hmu if you want to be shoved into one of two discord servers for playing tabletop games and doing activities
January 7, 2025 at 3:23 AM
followers hmu if you want to be shoved into one of two discord servers for playing tabletop games and doing activities
CDPR: You can color your vehicles whatever you—
SILENCE. SPIDER-BIKE.
SILENCE. SPIDER-BIKE.
December 19, 2024 at 6:24 AM
CDPR: You can color your vehicles whatever you—
SILENCE. SPIDER-BIKE.
SILENCE. SPIDER-BIKE.
I'm onto something here I know it
December 19, 2024 at 5:34 AM
I'm onto something here I know it
spice up your conversations with a mouthful of beetles
December 3, 2024 at 6:23 AM
spice up your conversations with a mouthful of beetles
every time a friend posts a picture of a mcrib, the picture looks like the employee slapped it down on the counter as hard as they could while saying "HERES your fuckin mcrib"
November 30, 2024 at 2:24 AM
every time a friend posts a picture of a mcrib, the picture looks like the employee slapped it down on the counter as hard as they could while saying "HERES your fuckin mcrib"
hate when I come back to a store a week later and shits still sold out
like tf, I long rested several times, all the shops should have restocked by now
like tf, I long rested several times, all the shops should have restocked by now
November 26, 2024 at 5:57 AM
hate when I come back to a store a week later and shits still sold out
like tf, I long rested several times, all the shops should have restocked by now
like tf, I long rested several times, all the shops should have restocked by now
algorithm? dungeons and dragons and dungeons and dragons and dungeons and dragons and dungeons and dragons and dungeons and dragons and dungeons and dragons and
November 17, 2024 at 11:43 PM
algorithm? dungeons and dragons and dungeons and dragons and dungeons and dragons and dungeons and dragons and dungeons and dragons and dungeons and dragons and
now this audience can also witness my horrible nonsense
November 17, 2024 at 11:36 PM
now this audience can also witness my horrible nonsense
writing a campaign where the party is a bunch of cowboys out on the range who suddenly get imbued with magical powers
"Now, we can't tell nobody about this— Jacob, if you don't quit conjuring cans of beans, I swear to god—"
"Now, we can't tell nobody about this— Jacob, if you don't quit conjuring cans of beans, I swear to god—"
November 17, 2024 at 7:21 PM
writing a campaign where the party is a bunch of cowboys out on the range who suddenly get imbued with magical powers
"Now, we can't tell nobody about this— Jacob, if you don't quit conjuring cans of beans, I swear to god—"
"Now, we can't tell nobody about this— Jacob, if you don't quit conjuring cans of beans, I swear to god—"