Suburbanista
@suburbanista.bsky.social
News and views from the Parking Lot Prairie. Our love for six lane arterial roads and replacing nature with parking is real, but the stories we share are satire.
Pinned
We’ve created this Bluesky starterpack so that our subscribers can track the organizations plotting to rob the people of DFW of our natural landscape of parking lots and six lane arterials.
Let us know if we missed any organizations from which the children should be protected.
go.bsky.app/VFvAdRE
Let us know if we missed any organizations from which the children should be protected.
go.bsky.app/VFvAdRE
"When we started getting input from residents after committing the city to leaving DART, some pointed to our 'City of Excellence' motto. Like, 'Cities have transit!', and frankly, they have a point," a councilman told Suburbanista.
"We're listening! Rest assured that we'll choose a new motto soon."
"We're listening! Rest assured that we'll choose a new motto soon."
November 21, 2025 at 4:35 PM
"When we started getting input from residents after committing the city to leaving DART, some pointed to our 'City of Excellence' motto. Like, 'Cities have transit!', and frankly, they have a point," a councilman told Suburbanista.
"We're listening! Rest assured that we'll choose a new motto soon."
"We're listening! Rest assured that we'll choose a new motto soon."
As Plano weighs replacing DART with on-demand "microtransit" like Arlington’s Via, critics worry it may not feel the same.
“Having microtransit does not mean we can't satisfy our residents!” a council member said, adding, "Plano’s many lifted trucks could help compensate for having microtransit."
“Having microtransit does not mean we can't satisfy our residents!” a council member said, adding, "Plano’s many lifted trucks could help compensate for having microtransit."
November 16, 2025 at 2:59 PM
As Plano weighs replacing DART with on-demand "microtransit" like Arlington’s Via, critics worry it may not feel the same.
“Having microtransit does not mean we can't satisfy our residents!” a council member said, adding, "Plano’s many lifted trucks could help compensate for having microtransit."
“Having microtransit does not mean we can't satisfy our residents!” a council member said, adding, "Plano’s many lifted trucks could help compensate for having microtransit."
We respectfully disagree.
We call this the Truck/SUV Response. Children feel this natural sense of wonder for large cars, but government propaganda like Thomas the Tank Engine confuses them.
Only re-education in a good suburb can instill the appropriate, car-centric, well-behaved sense of wonder.
We call this the Truck/SUV Response. Children feel this natural sense of wonder for large cars, but government propaganda like Thomas the Tank Engine confuses them.
Only re-education in a good suburb can instill the appropriate, car-centric, well-behaved sense of wonder.
Children have an inherent interest in trains which has nothing to do with input from adults.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=rvpC...
www.youtube.com/watch?v=rvpC...
Madeline + Train = Sheer Delight
YouTube video by Daniel
www.youtube.com
October 26, 2025 at 1:43 PM
We respectfully disagree.
We call this the Truck/SUV Response. Children feel this natural sense of wonder for large cars, but government propaganda like Thomas the Tank Engine confuses them.
Only re-education in a good suburb can instill the appropriate, car-centric, well-behaved sense of wonder.
We call this the Truck/SUV Response. Children feel this natural sense of wonder for large cars, but government propaganda like Thomas the Tank Engine confuses them.
Only re-education in a good suburb can instill the appropriate, car-centric, well-behaved sense of wonder.
"Adults can do whatever they want," a councilmember told our reporter at the grand opening.
"But parents exposing literal children to the unqualified joy of trains is wrong. Kids don't know that public transit is unpopular and that nobody wants it. We have to teach them that."
"But parents exposing literal children to the unqualified joy of trains is wrong. Kids don't know that public transit is unpopular and that nobody wants it. We have to teach them that."
October 25, 2025 at 11:38 PM
"Adults can do whatever they want," a councilmember told our reporter at the grand opening.
"But parents exposing literal children to the unqualified joy of trains is wrong. Kids don't know that public transit is unpopular and that nobody wants it. We have to teach them that."
"But parents exposing literal children to the unqualified joy of trains is wrong. Kids don't know that public transit is unpopular and that nobody wants it. We have to teach them that."
This is a really tough day for us.
The new S*lver L*ine tra*n is one more nail in the coffin for drivers who just want to enjoy their podcasts in peace while participating in our region's hallowed tradition of sitting in traffic.
Is nothing sacred to you, DART?
The new S*lver L*ine tra*n is one more nail in the coffin for drivers who just want to enjoy their podcasts in peace while participating in our region's hallowed tradition of sitting in traffic.
Is nothing sacred to you, DART?
October 25, 2025 at 2:58 PM
This is a really tough day for us.
The new S*lver L*ine tra*n is one more nail in the coffin for drivers who just want to enjoy their podcasts in peace while participating in our region's hallowed tradition of sitting in traffic.
Is nothing sacred to you, DART?
The new S*lver L*ine tra*n is one more nail in the coffin for drivers who just want to enjoy their podcasts in peace while participating in our region's hallowed tradition of sitting in traffic.
Is nothing sacred to you, DART?
"I agree with Mayor Jerry Jones that public transit will be bad for Arlington, and will bring undesirables in to our perfect suburb," an angry Arlington resident told Suburbanista.
"But cutting transit service to Arlington out of fear of car-centric people and culture is downright discriminatory!"
"But cutting transit service to Arlington out of fear of car-centric people and culture is downright discriminatory!"
October 16, 2025 at 3:48 PM
"I agree with Mayor Jerry Jones that public transit will be bad for Arlington, and will bring undesirables in to our perfect suburb," an angry Arlington resident told Suburbanista.
"But cutting transit service to Arlington out of fear of car-centric people and culture is downright discriminatory!"
"But cutting transit service to Arlington out of fear of car-centric people and culture is downright discriminatory!"
Without a large SUV or pickup truck, how are residents of Cardiff supposed to obtain groceries? People are going to starve from this!
North Texas is a proud sanctuary metro for British families who want to escape tyranny. Your children will dance around the family Ford F-350 with full bellies!
North Texas is a proud sanctuary metro for British families who want to escape tyranny. Your children will dance around the family Ford F-350 with full bellies!
Cardiff will be the first UK city to introduce a surcharge for oversized SUVs and trucks, "while very large vehicles – those over 3,500kg – will be excluded from residential permits entirely."
Cardiff set to tackle SUV 'carspreading' in UK first
Cardiff Council is set to become the first local authority in the UK to introduce higher parking charges for SUVs and other heavy vehicles, in a move campaigners say will make city streets safer and f...
nation.cymru
October 16, 2025 at 2:25 PM
Without a large SUV or pickup truck, how are residents of Cardiff supposed to obtain groceries? People are going to starve from this!
North Texas is a proud sanctuary metro for British families who want to escape tyranny. Your children will dance around the family Ford F-350 with full bellies!
North Texas is a proud sanctuary metro for British families who want to escape tyranny. Your children will dance around the family Ford F-350 with full bellies!
"Travel time from Plano's northern border to Downtown Dallas will be just ten minutes, with five minute headways and connections at multiple DART stations," a staffer told Suburbanista on condition of anonymity.
"We'll see how DART and those public transit advocates like THAT."
"We'll see how DART and those public transit advocates like THAT."
October 16, 2025 at 12:46 PM
"Travel time from Plano's northern border to Downtown Dallas will be just ten minutes, with five minute headways and connections at multiple DART stations," a staffer told Suburbanista on condition of anonymity.
"We'll see how DART and those public transit advocates like THAT."
"We'll see how DART and those public transit advocates like THAT."
America's cities are struggling financially because of post-pandemic prayer shortfalls.
Those associating budget problems with the dedication of half a city's land to surface parking need to stop watching @nerd4cities.bsky.social propaganda and start praying for their city's infrastructure.
Those associating budget problems with the dedication of half a city's land to surface parking need to stop watching @nerd4cities.bsky.social propaganda and start praying for their city's infrastructure.
yes! thoughts alone just don't get the job done! you also need prayers!
October 13, 2025 at 6:51 PM
America's cities are struggling financially because of post-pandemic prayer shortfalls.
Those associating budget problems with the dedication of half a city's land to surface parking need to stop watching @nerd4cities.bsky.social propaganda and start praying for their city's infrastructure.
Those associating budget problems with the dedication of half a city's land to surface parking need to stop watching @nerd4cities.bsky.social propaganda and start praying for their city's infrastructure.
If you or someone you know is experiencing discrimination from people whose essential services you're threatening to cut, we want to tell your story.
There is no place for bigotry at Suburbanista. In fact, we are fierce advocates for members of the gated community against the bigotry of cyclists and public transit riders.
October 13, 2025 at 4:17 PM
If you or someone you know is experiencing discrimination from people whose essential services you're threatening to cut, we want to tell your story.
🚨 PARENTAL WARNING 🚨
Multiple parent groups are finding this design showing up on their teens' phones and social media feeds. If you see this, TALK TO YOUR KIDS! Someone could be trying to get them to turn your neighborhood into the INNER CITY!
Multiple parent groups are finding this design showing up on their teens' phones and social media feeds. If you see this, TALK TO YOUR KIDS! Someone could be trying to get them to turn your neighborhood into the INNER CITY!
October 12, 2025 at 10:17 PM
🚨 PARENTAL WARNING 🚨
Multiple parent groups are finding this design showing up on their teens' phones and social media feeds. If you see this, TALK TO YOUR KIDS! Someone could be trying to get them to turn your neighborhood into the INNER CITY!
Multiple parent groups are finding this design showing up on their teens' phones and social media feeds. If you see this, TALK TO YOUR KIDS! Someone could be trying to get them to turn your neighborhood into the INNER CITY!
"I don't care if he gets around just fine on the trolley. I don't care if he's an oil baron worth $30 billion in 2025 money. If he doesn't have a car, he's just clearly not even trying," Emily told Suburbanista via a collection of journals found in a crawlspace at Old City Park.
October 6, 2025 at 4:55 PM
"I don't care if he gets around just fine on the trolley. I don't care if he's an oil baron worth $30 billion in 2025 money. If he doesn't have a car, he's just clearly not even trying," Emily told Suburbanista via a collection of journals found in a crawlspace at Old City Park.
North Texas highway commuter Greg Johnson tells Suburbanista that he'll participate in #WeekWithoutDriving when he's dead.
"Sure, a city where driving isn't necessary sounds nice, but people forget that North Texas' roads take hundreds of us to a city like that every year. It's called Heaven."
"Sure, a city where driving isn't necessary sounds nice, but people forget that North Texas' roads take hundreds of us to a city like that every year. It's called Heaven."
October 2, 2025 at 1:34 PM
North Texas highway commuter Greg Johnson tells Suburbanista that he'll participate in #WeekWithoutDriving when he's dead.
"Sure, a city where driving isn't necessary sounds nice, but people forget that North Texas' roads take hundreds of us to a city like that every year. It's called Heaven."
"Sure, a city where driving isn't necessary sounds nice, but people forget that North Texas' roads take hundreds of us to a city like that every year. It's called Heaven."
Investigators say the deceased cyclist failed to make eye contact with the motorist who hit him from behind in the bike lane.
"The cyclist hit the car from the front, causing a major annoyance for the driver and hundreds of dollars in damage to the front bumper," a source told Suburbanista.
"The cyclist hit the car from the front, causing a major annoyance for the driver and hundreds of dollars in damage to the front bumper," a source told Suburbanista.
October 1, 2025 at 11:16 PM
Investigators say the deceased cyclist failed to make eye contact with the motorist who hit him from behind in the bike lane.
"The cyclist hit the car from the front, causing a major annoyance for the driver and hundreds of dollars in damage to the front bumper," a source told Suburbanista.
"The cyclist hit the car from the front, causing a major annoyance for the driver and hundreds of dollars in damage to the front bumper," a source told Suburbanista.
Some amazing, festive options for North Texans from all over to drive to! 🍂
Carpooling is a great idea. A family of four shouldn't need more than two cars.
You can also help the environment by turning down the music on your 100 mile trip to the pumpkin patch, saving a few watt-hours for our Earth!
Carpooling is a great idea. A family of four shouldn't need more than two cars.
You can also help the environment by turning down the music on your 100 mile trip to the pumpkin patch, saving a few watt-hours for our Earth!
October is the season for gathering with friends and family, exploring the outdoors, and soaking up all the autumn traditions.
Read how you can embrace fall traditions while being mindful of the environment in our latest post on Clean Air Corner: www.airnorthtexas.org/aq-resources...
Read how you can embrace fall traditions while being mindful of the environment in our latest post on Clean Air Corner: www.airnorthtexas.org/aq-resources...
Fall Fun: Pumpkin Patches, Outdoor Adventures, and Sustainable Celebrations
October is the season for gathering with friends and family, exploring the outdoors...
www.airnorthtexas.org
October 1, 2025 at 6:48 PM
Some amazing, festive options for North Texans from all over to drive to! 🍂
Carpooling is a great idea. A family of four shouldn't need more than two cars.
You can also help the environment by turning down the music on your 100 mile trip to the pumpkin patch, saving a few watt-hours for our Earth!
Carpooling is a great idea. A family of four shouldn't need more than two cars.
You can also help the environment by turning down the music on your 100 mile trip to the pumpkin patch, saving a few watt-hours for our Earth!
A #WeekWithoutDriving is a cruel and unprovoked boycott of Dallas' trauma surgeons, air quality analysts, and injury lawyers.
Do you want Jim Adler the Texas Hammer to have to go home to his wife and kids and tell them that there will be no food this week, and that they may even lose the house?
Do you want Jim Adler the Texas Hammer to have to go home to his wife and kids and tell them that there will be no food this week, and that they may even lose the house?
Week Without Driving starts TODAY! Get involved here:
dallasweekwithoutdriving.org
#WeekWithoutDriving #WeekWithoutDrivingDallas
dallasweekwithoutdriving.org
#WeekWithoutDriving #WeekWithoutDrivingDallas
September 30, 2025 at 10:10 PM
A #WeekWithoutDriving is a cruel and unprovoked boycott of Dallas' trauma surgeons, air quality analysts, and injury lawyers.
Do you want Jim Adler the Texas Hammer to have to go home to his wife and kids and tell them that there will be no food this week, and that they may even lose the house?
Do you want Jim Adler the Texas Hammer to have to go home to his wife and kids and tell them that there will be no food this week, and that they may even lose the house?
"Habitat loss is the primary driver of car-human interactions, followed by the precipitous drop in children playing outside," car ecologist Jennifer Stevens told Suburbanista.
"If cars can't find their prey on the sidewalks or on a residential street, they're going to start looking elsewhere."
"If cars can't find their prey on the sidewalks or on a residential street, they're going to start looking elsewhere."
September 20, 2025 at 2:12 PM
"Habitat loss is the primary driver of car-human interactions, followed by the precipitous drop in children playing outside," car ecologist Jennifer Stevens told Suburbanista.
"If cars can't find their prey on the sidewalks or on a residential street, they're going to start looking elsewhere."
"If cars can't find their prey on the sidewalks or on a residential street, they're going to start looking elsewhere."
"It was cut short before it was even conceived!," one resident tearfully told Suburbanista.
"Those planning to ride this train when it opens on October 25th should be deported to the sun for mocking everything the freeway would have stood for. The hypothetical road is now with Christ in Valhalla."
"Those planning to ride this train when it opens on October 25th should be deported to the sun for mocking everything the freeway would have stood for. The hypothetical road is now with Christ in Valhalla."
September 16, 2025 at 2:00 PM
"It was cut short before it was even conceived!," one resident tearfully told Suburbanista.
"Those planning to ride this train when it opens on October 25th should be deported to the sun for mocking everything the freeway would have stood for. The hypothetical road is now with Christ in Valhalla."
"Those planning to ride this train when it opens on October 25th should be deported to the sun for mocking everything the freeway would have stood for. The hypothetical road is now with Christ in Valhalla."
Reposted by Suburbanista
My lifted diesel truck has four wheels. Nissan Versas have four wheels. We are more alike than different.
September 16, 2025 at 1:45 AM
My lifted diesel truck has four wheels. Nissan Versas have four wheels. We are more alike than different.
Now, more than ever, is the time for cultural healing.
We all have unexamined prejudices. Tolerance and inclusion is a journey unique to each individual.
We're building a drive-thru experience in Frisco that will teach about suburban culture, history, and values open to all with a presentable car.
We all have unexamined prejudices. Tolerance and inclusion is a journey unique to each individual.
We're building a drive-thru experience in Frisco that will teach about suburban culture, history, and values open to all with a presentable car.
If an honest perspective on how suburbanites see life bothers you, we encourage you to examine your unconscious biases against the gated community.
Do you get upset when you hear contemporary Christian rock music? Turn your nose up at cultural establishments like Applebee's?
Try journaling.
Do you get upset when you hear contemporary Christian rock music? Turn your nose up at cultural establishments like Applebee's?
Try journaling.
September 15, 2025 at 9:04 PM
Now, more than ever, is the time for cultural healing.
We all have unexamined prejudices. Tolerance and inclusion is a journey unique to each individual.
We're building a drive-thru experience in Frisco that will teach about suburban culture, history, and values open to all with a presentable car.
We all have unexamined prejudices. Tolerance and inclusion is a journey unique to each individual.
We're building a drive-thru experience in Frisco that will teach about suburban culture, history, and values open to all with a presentable car.
North Texas' suburban way of life will take another step toward oblivion on October 25th, and the powerful public transit rider lobby couldn't be happier.
Mandatory driving is in the DNA of DFW, but they want to erase our car-centric identity and culture.
This is NOT normal.
Mandatory driving is in the DNA of DFW, but they want to erase our car-centric identity and culture.
This is NOT normal.
Just announced at DART State of the Agency: The Silver Line opening date will be October 25th! The whole DART system will be fare free on the 25th and the Silver Line will be fare-free for the first two weeks of service!
September 12, 2025 at 4:01 PM
North Texas' suburban way of life will take another step toward oblivion on October 25th, and the powerful public transit rider lobby couldn't be happier.
Mandatory driving is in the DNA of DFW, but they want to erase our car-centric identity and culture.
This is NOT normal.
Mandatory driving is in the DNA of DFW, but they want to erase our car-centric identity and culture.
This is NOT normal.
Finally, we've found a pollinator worth saving some habitat for.
@thenimbee.bsky.social, if they ever try to knock down your hive to build affordable housing, we've got your back.
bsky.app/profile/then...
@thenimbee.bsky.social, if they ever try to knock down your hive to build affordable housing, we've got your back.
bsky.app/profile/then...
bsky.app
September 11, 2025 at 8:33 PM
Finally, we've found a pollinator worth saving some habitat for.
@thenimbee.bsky.social, if they ever try to knock down your hive to build affordable housing, we've got your back.
bsky.app/profile/then...
@thenimbee.bsky.social, if they ever try to knock down your hive to build affordable housing, we've got your back.
bsky.app/profile/then...
We're coming prepared with an encyclopedic knowledge of amenities at Dallas' most prestigious gated communities, and are memorizing 100 years of Dallas crime statistics compiled by Frisco Nextdoor users as we speak.
Good luck, everyone else!
Good luck, everyone else!
Two weeks until our Dallas Trivia Night at Four Corners Brewery. RSVP here: actionnetwork.org/events/dalla...
To get you ready, we are posting one trivia question (and answer) everyday until then. Question 1: Where does the name for the city of "Dallas" come from?
To get you ready, we are posting one trivia question (and answer) everyday until then. Question 1: Where does the name for the city of "Dallas" come from?
Dallas Trivia Night!
Think you know Dallas? Come put your knowledge to the test, or learn a little something, about Dallas. Whether it's about the history of Deep Ellum or the popularity of the Katy Trail, every question ...
actionnetwork.org
September 10, 2025 at 6:43 PM
We're coming prepared with an encyclopedic knowledge of amenities at Dallas' most prestigious gated communities, and are memorizing 100 years of Dallas crime statistics compiled by Frisco Nextdoor users as we speak.
Good luck, everyone else!
Good luck, everyone else!
Our Subscribers meet neither the athleticism to walk or bike, nor the Ivy League book smarts to understand a bus route.
Perhaps one day pedestrians, bike commuters, and transit riders will leave their elitist ways behind and meet at an Outback Steakhouse with ample parking like the rest of us.
Perhaps one day pedestrians, bike commuters, and transit riders will leave their elitist ways behind and meet at an Outback Steakhouse with ample parking like the rest of us.
Join Dallas Urbanists and partner organizations this Sunday at the Addison Circle Cafe Crawl! We encourage everyone to walk, bike, or DART to the circle and join us, and Addison leadership, for some coffees and casual discussions on urbanism.
We will start at Dolce Paradiso at 10 AM, and then make…
We will start at Dolce Paradiso at 10 AM, and then make…
September 8, 2025 at 6:14 PM
Our Subscribers meet neither the athleticism to walk or bike, nor the Ivy League book smarts to understand a bus route.
Perhaps one day pedestrians, bike commuters, and transit riders will leave their elitist ways behind and meet at an Outback Steakhouse with ample parking like the rest of us.
Perhaps one day pedestrians, bike commuters, and transit riders will leave their elitist ways behind and meet at an Outback Steakhouse with ample parking like the rest of us.
"DallasBot, why can't the city implement traffic calming or narrow roadways to reduce speeding?"
"We're sorry, but the API limit has been reached for today."
"There is no API limit, is there?"
"There is not. Would you like me to write a poem about how Phoenix' roads are almost as bad?"
"We're sorry, but the API limit has been reached for today."
"There is no API limit, is there?"
"There is not. Would you like me to write a poem about how Phoenix' roads are almost as bad?"
September 4, 2025 at 1:11 PM
"DallasBot, why can't the city implement traffic calming or narrow roadways to reduce speeding?"
"We're sorry, but the API limit has been reached for today."
"There is no API limit, is there?"
"There is not. Would you like me to write a poem about how Phoenix' roads are almost as bad?"
"We're sorry, but the API limit has been reached for today."
"There is no API limit, is there?"
"There is not. Would you like me to write a poem about how Phoenix' roads are almost as bad?"