Sarah Schmelling
@sschmelling.bsky.social
Writer. Reader. Recipe Follower. Humor in The New Yorker, McSweeney's, and more. Just happy to be here.
Just in case you need some humor right now—I wrote this!
It’s time for your midlife girls’ trip. Before you depart, read the waiver to understand the risks, expenses, and excursions ahead.
Your Midlife Girls’ Trip: A Waiver
By signing, you accept that going on this outing is voluntary, even if your group chat made it not feel that way.
www.newyorker.com
August 30, 2025 at 11:59 AM
Just in case you need some humor right now—I wrote this!
Maybe my favorite thing, on top of everything else bonkers this season with AJLT, is every time we see Carrie’s laptop, her novel-in-progress has a different file name (Current Draft, New Draft, and Working Draft!?) and she has yet to pick a font.
July 19, 2025 at 8:24 PM
Maybe my favorite thing, on top of everything else bonkers this season with AJLT, is every time we see Carrie’s laptop, her novel-in-progress has a different file name (Current Draft, New Draft, and Working Draft!?) and she has yet to pick a font.
Not today, Spelling Bee. Not today.
June 3, 2025 at 1:45 PM
Not today, Spelling Bee. Not today.
Reposting because it’s brilliant, but also because I’ve somehow written humor pieces on both Hamlet and Hall and Oates for @mcsweeneys.net but never managed to do all in one!
QUEEN GERTRUDE
(places her hand on HALL’s chest)
Stay, you lion-maned pair, tell me
Of your distant City of Brotherly Love,
That we may, as they say, get to know
The heft and measure of each other’s thoughts.
HALL
I can’t go for that.
OATES
No can do.
(places her hand on HALL’s chest)
Stay, you lion-maned pair, tell me
Of your distant City of Brotherly Love,
That we may, as they say, get to know
The heft and measure of each other’s thoughts.
HALL
I can’t go for that.
OATES
No can do.
Rosencrantz and Guildenstern and Hall and Oates
ACT II, SCENE II Enter KING CLAUDIUS, QUEEN GERTRUDE, ROSENCRANTZ, GUILDENSTERN, HALL, OATES, and Attendants. KING CLAUDIUS Welcome, gentlemen; our...
buff.ly
April 29, 2025 at 5:40 PM
Reposting because it’s brilliant, but also because I’ve somehow written humor pieces on both Hamlet and Hall and Oates for @mcsweeneys.net but never managed to do all in one!
I Thought I Was Already on Bluesky but I Was on Threads: the Sarah Schmelling Story
January 6, 2025 at 9:07 PM
I Thought I Was Already on Bluesky but I Was on Threads: the Sarah Schmelling Story