Eric Spitznagel
@spitznagel.bsky.social
Writer, journalist, humorist, shut-in. I'm the author of "Old Records Never Die," amongst other books.
https://www.ericspitznagel.com
https://ericspitznagel.substack.com
https://www.ericspitznagel.com
https://ericspitznagel.substack.com
I was supposed to get 15 minutes with Ken Burns to talk about his new Revolutionary War doc, but we ended up talking for two hours, nerding out about history. Did you know he carries around a copy of the Constitution with him AT ALL TIMES? Check out my profile of Burns for AARP. Link in comments.
November 18, 2025 at 5:46 PM
I was supposed to get 15 minutes with Ken Burns to talk about his new Revolutionary War doc, but we ended up talking for two hours, nerding out about history. Did you know he carries around a copy of the Constitution with him AT ALL TIMES? Check out my profile of Burns for AARP. Link in comments.
Just a reminder to Trump that this is what we do to Nazis in Chicago.
September 3, 2025 at 4:10 PM
Just a reminder to Trump that this is what we do to Nazis in Chicago.
Ozzy didn’t fade into the background, he exited like a Norse god being carried to Valhalla on a wave of distortion and dry ice. I wrote some things for AARP about Ozzy Osbourne, and how he proved the human body can run on pure willpower.
www.aarp.org/entertainmen...
www.aarp.org/entertainmen...
Everything I Know About Aging, I Learned From Ozzy | Members Only
15 lessons from the late metal god that prove getting old doesn’t mean getting boring.
www.aarp.org
July 25, 2025 at 7:26 PM
Ozzy didn’t fade into the background, he exited like a Norse god being carried to Valhalla on a wave of distortion and dry ice. I wrote some things for AARP about Ozzy Osbourne, and how he proved the human body can run on pure willpower.
www.aarp.org/entertainmen...
www.aarp.org/entertainmen...
The new pope, Cardinal Robert Francis Prevost, is from Chicago. Which means before the weekend, putting ketchup on a hotdog will officially become a sin. I'm sorry, those are just the rules. Take it up with God!
May 8, 2025 at 5:40 PM
The new pope, Cardinal Robert Francis Prevost, is from Chicago. Which means before the weekend, putting ketchup on a hotdog will officially become a sin. I'm sorry, those are just the rules. Take it up with God!
OK, just hear me out. What if the Oscars were set up like an escape room? Everyone is trapped inside and has to work together to solve the mystery of Gene Hackman’s death before anyone can leave. This is the distraction. American needs right now!
March 2, 2025 at 8:20 PM
OK, just hear me out. What if the Oscars were set up like an escape room? Everyone is trapped inside and has to work together to solve the mystery of Gene Hackman’s death before anyone can leave. This is the distraction. American needs right now!
“Every dog has his day.” - Tony “Scarface” Montana
February 13, 2025 at 11:21 PM
“Every dog has his day.” - Tony “Scarface” Montana
The best political op-eds get right to the point.
February 8, 2025 at 6:34 PM
The best political op-eds get right to the point.
Finally, 2025 has some *good* news.
February 5, 2025 at 4:01 PM
Finally, 2025 has some *good* news.
I need to read the rest of this. TAKE MY MONEY!
Four years since my son wrote the best opening to a mystery novel ever written.
January 12, 2025 at 6:47 PM
I need to read the rest of this. TAKE MY MONEY!
Always have a plan B.
January 11, 2025 at 6:02 PM
Always have a plan B.
I can't be the only one who read this too fast and thought the Dow tumbled because of a blowjob report.
January 10, 2025 at 5:34 PM
I can't be the only one who read this too fast and thought the Dow tumbled because of a blowjob report.
When I was a kid, this is what I thought successful, well-adjusted adults looked like.
January 4, 2025 at 9:12 PM
When I was a kid, this is what I thought successful, well-adjusted adults looked like.
New Karl Marx cover is fire.
January 2, 2025 at 6:50 PM
New Karl Marx cover is fire.
Happy 65th birthday to Grandpaboy!
December 31, 2024 at 2:56 PM
Happy 65th birthday to Grandpaboy!
And even then, I'll need more details.
December 30, 2024 at 8:17 PM
And even then, I'll need more details.
Rest in peace to the president who showed us how to be a more decent human being. #ripjimmycarter
December 29, 2024 at 9:19 PM
Rest in peace to the president who showed us how to be a more decent human being. #ripjimmycarter
The perfect Christmas gift for the special someone in your life who wants a 9-year-old book about a 40-year-old looking for punk records from the 80s.
www.amazon.com/Old-Records-...
www.amazon.com/Old-Records-...
December 19, 2024 at 6:26 PM
The perfect Christmas gift for the special someone in your life who wants a 9-year-old book about a 40-year-old looking for punk records from the 80s.
www.amazon.com/Old-Records-...
www.amazon.com/Old-Records-...
No Christmas songs about whatever is happening here and I think that's BULLSHIT.
December 18, 2024 at 6:31 PM
No Christmas songs about whatever is happening here and I think that's BULLSHIT.
Two of the three people in this photo are dead. The one who isn't is celebrating his 81st birthday today.
December 18, 2024 at 4:33 PM
Two of the three people in this photo are dead. The one who isn't is celebrating his 81st birthday today.
Happy 65th birthday to the Second City, the theater where I met my wife, wrote at least four books while being paid to sell tickets, and ate the same pretzels covered in mouse poop for dinner because I was broke that a pre-fame Tina Fey and Stephen Colbert did.
December 16, 2024 at 10:36 PM
Happy 65th birthday to the Second City, the theater where I met my wife, wrote at least four books while being paid to sell tickets, and ate the same pretzels covered in mouse poop for dinner because I was broke that a pre-fame Tina Fey and Stephen Colbert did.
This is the exact amount of focus I’m able to commit to each workday until the end of 2024.
December 13, 2024 at 9:24 PM
This is the exact amount of focus I’m able to commit to each workday until the end of 2024.
I'm as ready for End Times as I'll ever be.
December 13, 2024 at 12:44 AM
I'm as ready for End Times as I'll ever be.
My dog doesn’t bite. Which is kinda disappointing, because now I’ll never get to recreate my dad’s favorite Peter Sellars gag.
December 11, 2024 at 6:22 PM
My dog doesn’t bite. Which is kinda disappointing, because now I’ll never get to recreate my dad’s favorite Peter Sellars gag.
Sharing this as a public service. This is the one and true way to see the holy trifecta.
The only aesthetically pure way to watch the original STAR WARS trilogy is these moldy grindhouse prints that were found and digitized a few years ago
You can see the OT the way it was originally seen: with the original ILM effects, in a dreamlike gauze
ENJOY:
www.dropbox.com/scl/fo/iozg1...
You can see the OT the way it was originally seen: with the original ILM effects, in a dreamlike gauze
ENJOY:
www.dropbox.com/scl/fo/iozg1...
December 9, 2024 at 2:42 PM
Sharing this as a public service. This is the one and true way to see the holy trifecta.