Commander OP At Large CA Smart A. Shat
@smartasshat.favrd.social
These are the voyages of the Starship Euphemize. Its five year mission: To explore strange new words, to seek out new jokes and new implications. To boldly go🚽
Pinned
Thanks, the dictionary!
January 2, 2026 at 2:17 AM
Thanks, the dictionary!
[whispering to date while watching Deep Space 9 when Deep Space 9 first appears on the screen] That's Deep Space 9.
January 1, 2026 at 8:05 AM
[whispering to date while watching Deep Space 9 when Deep Space 9 first appears on the screen] That's Deep Space 9.
Fuck off, 2025.
January 1, 2026 at 5:00 AM
Fuck off, 2025.
“Sometimes people start out less than half your age, but after a while they become more than half your age. There’s no explaining it.”
— Mel Gibson, 70, on the breakup of his twelve-year relationship with Rosalind Ross, 36
— Mel Gibson, 70, on the breakup of his twelve-year relationship with Rosalind Ross, 36
December 31, 2025 at 12:28 AM
“Sometimes people start out less than half your age, but after a while they become more than half your age. There’s no explaining it.”
— Mel Gibson, 70, on the breakup of his twelve-year relationship with Rosalind Ross, 36
— Mel Gibson, 70, on the breakup of his twelve-year relationship with Rosalind Ross, 36
Lincoln drove on a parkway and Kennedy parked on a driveway.
Lincoln chopped a tree down and Kennedy chopped a tree up.
Lincoln chopped a tree down and Kennedy chopped a tree up.
December 30, 2025 at 5:41 PM
Lincoln drove on a parkway and Kennedy parked on a driveway.
Lincoln chopped a tree down and Kennedy chopped a tree up.
Lincoln chopped a tree down and Kennedy chopped a tree up.
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December 30, 2025 at 2:22 PM
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“Wait. He said he was going to give examples of his wife’s behavior, but instead he just said please.”
— My friend who gets none of my jokes, upon seeing Henny Youngman
— My friend who gets none of my jokes, upon seeing Henny Youngman
December 27, 2025 at 11:17 PM
“Wait. He said he was going to give examples of his wife’s behavior, but instead he just said please.”
— My friend who gets none of my jokes, upon seeing Henny Youngman
— My friend who gets none of my jokes, upon seeing Henny Youngman
No quarter.
ICE agent recognized out Christmas shopping—throws tantrum when citizens profile him.
"We're trying to prevent you from kidnapping our neighbors," they say.
"I'm not doing anything but walking, leave me alone!" he yells.
"Not right now you're not—but the past 5 days you have."
Philadelphia, PA
"We're trying to prevent you from kidnapping our neighbors," they say.
"I'm not doing anything but walking, leave me alone!" he yells.
"Not right now you're not—but the past 5 days you have."
Philadelphia, PA
December 26, 2025 at 10:17 AM
No quarter.
Meanwhile, on X the everything app, anti-trans morons blast the Wachowskis for not knowing enough to stop the window washers when they were filming Neo’s boss chewing him out.
December 26, 2025 at 1:19 AM
Meanwhile, on X the everything app, anti-trans morons blast the Wachowskis for not knowing enough to stop the window washers when they were filming Neo’s boss chewing him out.
Damn I miss Market Basket.
The biggest empty market basket parking lot ride yet!
December 26, 2025 at 12:52 AM
Damn I miss Market Basket.
The Vermont Green Party has agreed to the Pope's terms, as long as there is an additional 24 hours of peace on Bernie Sanders' birthday.
Otherwise, no dice.
Otherwise, no dice.
Pope Leo asks for 24 hours of peace worldwide at Christmas
www.vaticannews.va/en/pope/news...
www.vaticannews.va/en/pope/news...
Pope Leo asks for 24 hours of peace worldwide at Christmas - Vatican News
Pope Leo addresses journalists outside Castel Gandolfo and answers questions on Ukraine and on assisted suicide laws in the United States.
www.vaticannews.va
December 26, 2025 at 12:44 AM
The Vermont Green Party has agreed to the Pope's terms, as long as there is an additional 24 hours of peace on Bernie Sanders' birthday.
Otherwise, no dice.
Otherwise, no dice.
Has Elon taken credit for Isaac TeSlaa’s amazing touchdown catch yet?
December 25, 2025 at 11:31 PM
Has Elon taken credit for Isaac TeSlaa’s amazing touchdown catch yet?
Netflix fails live events once again, freezing every 15-30 seconds. It’s not on my end!
December 25, 2025 at 10:24 PM
Netflix fails live events once again, freezing every 15-30 seconds. It’s not on my end!
I didn’t know the Vikings had Ghost of Christmas Past uniforms.
December 25, 2025 at 9:46 PM
I didn’t know the Vikings had Ghost of Christmas Past uniforms.
A road-weary, retired warrior is pushed over the edge by an egomaniac restaurateur and local sheriff who forces him to eat in, instead of…
December 25, 2025 at 9:36 PM
A road-weary, retired warrior is pushed over the edge by an egomaniac restaurateur and local sheriff who forces him to eat in, instead of…
I, too, would be that happy if I had a ninja superhero wife.
December 25, 2025 at 9:02 PM
I, too, would be that happy if I had a ninja superhero wife.
We’ve come a long way from when I objected to being taught in Jr. High English class to capitalize He, Him, etc. about Jesus and God.
A government that can officially declare that Jesus is your savior can just as easily declare the opposite.
Here’s the U.S. government being officially religious in a country with no official religion.
December 25, 2025 at 7:15 PM
We’ve come a long way from when I objected to being taught in Jr. High English class to capitalize He, Him, etc. about Jesus and God.
Football is a gay sport, but it’s going a little too far to have the Dallas Washington SkyCam™ sponsored by AssEnter.
December 25, 2025 at 6:30 PM
Football is a gay sport, but it’s going a little too far to have the Dallas Washington SkyCam™ sponsored by AssEnter.
You will be visited by three spirits. Why this is bad for Biden.
December 25, 2025 at 6:20 PM
You will be visited by three spirits. Why this is bad for Biden.
You will be visited by three spirits.
December 25, 2025 at 5:52 PM
You will be visited by three spirits.
Search your first name and then glamour shot
December 25, 2025 at 5:38 PM
Search your first name and then glamour shot
Okay, NOW you can advertise last-minute Christmas gifts
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December 25, 2025 at 6:00 AM
Okay, NOW you can advertise last-minute Christmas gifts
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Whew! Tracking says I’ll get them before my meeting with the Yakuza boss of bosses.
December 25, 2025 at 5:48 AM
Whew! Tracking says I’ll get them before my meeting with the Yakuza boss of bosses.
Reposted by Commander OP At Large CA Smart A. Shat
"It's Christmas EVE, not Christmas STEVE!"
- Host to someone who thinks men are allowed to attend the lesbian party
- Host to someone who thinks men are allowed to attend the lesbian party
December 23, 2023 at 7:41 PM
"It's Christmas EVE, not Christmas STEVE!"
- Host to someone who thinks men are allowed to attend the lesbian party
- Host to someone who thinks men are allowed to attend the lesbian party