I have worked hard to integrate my mind with my body, but I'm not all there. It's..a struggle to accept what I'm looking at due to all the invisible scars filtering the lens. My body was violated, not loved. It was abused, not held. I now have to learn to hold myself. With love.
How?!

This is relatable to the point of despair. That is exactly why doing this healing is so important.

I would never have chosen my reality (choosing my self) if it was a choice. Instead, I got to the end of my nervous system's tolerance.
It looks like a perfect storm, how it has unraveled every aspect of my life.
That insight changed my unacceptability into gratefulness amidst the chaos and pain.

I was born in 1973. 52 years of life experience. I'm successful at work, I have 2 children, and a grandson. I've travelled.
My greatest loss is, that of those 52 years, I have lived 49 in survival. Never felt safe, never felt loved, never trusted anyone.
However, as of last week, I'm hellbent to.

I kept showing up even when in panic. I cared without being cared for. I became resilient in terror. Because my brain protects the child you didn't.
No, I'm not stronger for it. I'm unable to L i v e. I'm not better for it, I don't even know who I am.
#cptsd #crashing

May there come a time where people seek help so no more children have to spend their whole lives healing from it, like I have had to do. 🫶

"Trauma is about Terror in isolation, but Healing is about safety in connection. And that starts in the body.
Talking about trauma gives a form of control but insight alone doesn't heal trauma. Why? Because trauma lives in parts of the brain that language doesn't reach."

#cPTSD

I thought I had come past my cPTSD (decades of therapy, self work and healing). Last week it came back - fierce and unholy due to long period of extreme stress and several losses in a short period of time.
I didn't realize I was still in survival.
I don't know why I thought I was Free.

I heard this the other day and it hit me hard: "The root cause of cPTSD is an absense of love, and the cure is this: We need to relearn to love someone we unfairly hate: Ourselves."
#cptsd #healing