Unbeknownst to the west Hollywood Chevron, I slowly pilfered their store & stockpiled hand sanitizer, toilet paper, canned goods, drinks, jerky, and cigarettes

Once the new COVID panic hits and Gavin Newsom closes everything, I am prepared to make a profit!

#businesstips

I just ruptured a vein or artery in my asshole because of Jack in the Box tacos! I'm barely awake to type this...losing a lot of blood at this west Hollywood Chevron restroom. Please send help

I am never giving up my storage shed filled to the brim with guns and ammo. The pigs of the LAPD can go and fuck themselves if they think they can issue a search warrant. Good luck finding the location and figuring out the fake name I used to get the shed! 🖕

My stomach is in painful knots, I have a fever of 105 degrees, and my asshole is violently shooting out watery and bloody poop all over the west Hollywood Chevron's restroom floor!

I gave Taco Bell one more chance last night, but this is the last straw! Never again do I eat their poison

#ShatFacts

Gotta spend mony to make mony - the Shat man #FinancialAdvice #MoneyMoves #HatersGonnaHate

Discount LegalAdvice for today:

If you find yourself in a Motel-6, with who you believe to be a sex worker, tell him/her the following at the very start:

"I'll pay you money, but not for sex...I'll pay you to leave me alone afterward because I don't want a relationship."

Your majesty, what is your advice about hiding "up the butt" drugs?

Lotta shit goin down at #7 glad to see it

The best thing about criminal defense is that clients cannot write a bad Yelp review from prison.

#DiscountedLegalAdvice for today:

Always wear 2 pairs of identical pants if you're trying to hide drugs.

When you're in a foot chase with a cop, run into an alleyway. Take off outer pair of pants that holds the drugs and throw them behind dumpster...

If you hire me as your Attorney, I'll stop at NOTHING to ensure that your enemies (and their progeny) face a life of bankruptcy, destitution, misery, and embarrassment.

Also, your windshields will be spotless.

See me at the west Hollywood Chevron, pump #7, to learn more.

Just experienced the worst 12 hours of my life after eating a Mexican Pizza from @tacobell last night

At least a gallon of blood shot out of my asshole due to explosive diarrhea and my stomach hurts.

And now the restroom of the west Hollywood @Chevron looks like a crime scene!

🚨 THIS WEEKEND ONLY AT THE WEST HOLLYWOOD CHEVRON, PUMP #7🚨

if your name is PAUL, come see me for a free windshield cleaning and 5 minute legal consultation at a 35% discount.

Also ask about drug & gun sales.

If anyone affiliated with the Los Angeles chapter of MS-13 is reading this, contact me ASAP at the west Hollywood Chevron, pump #7, for deals on guns & drugs! Some of my clients didn't pay storage fees so I am ready sell!

Also, ask about windshield cleaning and discounted #LegalAdvice

Without question, @keithmichael.bsky.social is one of the biggest HACKS and FRAUDS to ever grace television and radio podcasts. He's scum, and his frivolous accusations of @theshatmanrises.bsky.social owing him $75 will be dealt with legally, or by #2ndAmendment remedies, if necessary.

#ShatFacts

#DiscountedLegalAdvice for today

Always keep a pint of UNOPENED flavored / easy to drink vodka in you car

If you're pulled over and you're tipsy, when the cop approaches your window, show him/her the unopened bottle, open it, then chug it all!

The DA cannot prove DUI beyond a reasonable doubt!

Having an excruciating bowel movement at the west Hollywood Chevron, and I'm out of money for Preparation-H and Pepto Bismol because my clients are not paying their fees.

God help me!

#ShatFacts