Chris
@sharpwoodchisel.bsky.social
ADHD trans guy in PNW with an amazing wife, cute cats, silly hermit crabs, and a day job.
I'll say it yet again: I'm not in a fucking cult and I don't eat paste, so I support putting ALL the goddamn pedos in the Epstein Files in a rocket aimed at the sun. Use multiple rockets if need be. What about so and so? YES, that piece of shit, too. ALL of them.
December 21, 2025 at 4:27 PM
I'll say it yet again: I'm not in a fucking cult and I don't eat paste, so I support putting ALL the goddamn pedos in the Epstein Files in a rocket aimed at the sun. Use multiple rockets if need be. What about so and so? YES, that piece of shit, too. ALL of them.
If you don't want to give your kids the TDaP vaccine, maybe watch a video of kids with pertussis before you make up your mind. I am an adult and would rather jam forks into both my eyes than get whooping cough.
November 30, 2025 at 9:23 PM
If you don't want to give your kids the TDaP vaccine, maybe watch a video of kids with pertussis before you make up your mind. I am an adult and would rather jam forks into both my eyes than get whooping cough.
For the not-usual cooks gearing up to make Thanksgiving food:
Defrost the turkey. In the fridge.
See what you can prep and make ahead. Dressing can be made the night before and warmed the day of. Gravy? Make the day of, close to mealtime.
Sanitize surfaces and wash your hands often.
Defrost the turkey. In the fridge.
See what you can prep and make ahead. Dressing can be made the night before and warmed the day of. Gravy? Make the day of, close to mealtime.
Sanitize surfaces and wash your hands often.
November 24, 2025 at 12:40 AM
For the not-usual cooks gearing up to make Thanksgiving food:
Defrost the turkey. In the fridge.
See what you can prep and make ahead. Dressing can be made the night before and warmed the day of. Gravy? Make the day of, close to mealtime.
Sanitize surfaces and wash your hands often.
Defrost the turkey. In the fridge.
See what you can prep and make ahead. Dressing can be made the night before and warmed the day of. Gravy? Make the day of, close to mealtime.
Sanitize surfaces and wash your hands often.
The Litter Robot 4 seemed like a good idea like 2.5 years ago. So I'm over here deep cleaning the parts of it that can get wet, shop vacuuming the base because it's full of piss-soaked litter, waxing the liner so shit and piss don't stick and make the whole room reek...
November 22, 2025 at 5:21 PM
The Litter Robot 4 seemed like a good idea like 2.5 years ago. So I'm over here deep cleaning the parts of it that can get wet, shop vacuuming the base because it's full of piss-soaked litter, waxing the liner so shit and piss don't stick and make the whole room reek...
Need the professional translation for, "Jesus Christ, you're both lazy AND not intelligent. It's the lethal combo that makes you so uniquely useless in a maddening, everyone-else's-problem kinda way, and I think having to report to you is one of the low points of my time with this crap employer."
November 19, 2025 at 5:52 PM
Need the professional translation for, "Jesus Christ, you're both lazy AND not intelligent. It's the lethal combo that makes you so uniquely useless in a maddening, everyone-else's-problem kinda way, and I think having to report to you is one of the low points of my time with this crap employer."
Just in case you needed to know this, one of the taller plastic sandwich boxes that go in a lunchbox is the perfect size for one ring donut.
November 19, 2025 at 2:01 PM
Just in case you needed to know this, one of the taller plastic sandwich boxes that go in a lunchbox is the perfect size for one ring donut.
The toxic masculinity urge to make fears and insecurities everyone else's problem when that same bullshit ideal of masculinity also teaches us that real men suffer in silence. Either drink the whole sippy cup of bullshit juice or toss it and stop letting shitheads radicalize you.
November 17, 2025 at 6:10 PM
The toxic masculinity urge to make fears and insecurities everyone else's problem when that same bullshit ideal of masculinity also teaches us that real men suffer in silence. Either drink the whole sippy cup of bullshit juice or toss it and stop letting shitheads radicalize you.
Don't comply in advance?
More like "Fuck you, make me." I am a tired middle aged trans dude who just wants to be left the fuck alone, but goddammit, if you make me get up, I'll make sure you learn this lesson the hard way.
More like "Fuck you, make me." I am a tired middle aged trans dude who just wants to be left the fuck alone, but goddammit, if you make me get up, I'll make sure you learn this lesson the hard way.
November 17, 2025 at 3:25 PM
Don't comply in advance?
More like "Fuck you, make me." I am a tired middle aged trans dude who just wants to be left the fuck alone, but goddammit, if you make me get up, I'll make sure you learn this lesson the hard way.
More like "Fuck you, make me." I am a tired middle aged trans dude who just wants to be left the fuck alone, but goddammit, if you make me get up, I'll make sure you learn this lesson the hard way.
I'll stick forks in both eyes and walk into walls before I vote for a single fucking Republican. It'll be the 2060s and my old ass will squint at my ballot and say, "Just the asshole R incumbent?" then write in my vote for a ham sandwich.
November 17, 2025 at 12:03 AM
I'll stick forks in both eyes and walk into walls before I vote for a single fucking Republican. It'll be the 2060s and my old ass will squint at my ballot and say, "Just the asshole R incumbent?" then write in my vote for a ham sandwich.
Mallomars are pretty good, it turns out.
(Born and raised in Texas and spent a decade after that in Kentucky, so I didn't have a clue about Mallomars until, uh, today actually.)
Look, some days, my "Today I learned" is trivial, but it's still learning.
(Born and raised in Texas and spent a decade after that in Kentucky, so I didn't have a clue about Mallomars until, uh, today actually.)
Look, some days, my "Today I learned" is trivial, but it's still learning.
November 16, 2025 at 7:00 PM
Mallomars are pretty good, it turns out.
(Born and raised in Texas and spent a decade after that in Kentucky, so I didn't have a clue about Mallomars until, uh, today actually.)
Look, some days, my "Today I learned" is trivial, but it's still learning.
(Born and raised in Texas and spent a decade after that in Kentucky, so I didn't have a clue about Mallomars until, uh, today actually.)
Look, some days, my "Today I learned" is trivial, but it's still learning.
Since I deemed every day to be No Fucks Day at work, I've begun responding to IT questions (I'm not in IT and haven't been in years, and never for my current employer) with, "Huh. That's strange" and answering follow-up questions with, "Couldn't tell you."
November 15, 2025 at 7:32 AM
Since I deemed every day to be No Fucks Day at work, I've begun responding to IT questions (I'm not in IT and haven't been in years, and never for my current employer) with, "Huh. That's strange" and answering follow-up questions with, "Couldn't tell you."
Damn, your kids are safer with me (trans person) than NYT journalists. I'll scream at the top of my lungs if I see a fucking kid rapist, not provide goddamn cover like a shitgibbon.
November 13, 2025 at 11:07 PM
Damn, your kids are safer with me (trans person) than NYT journalists. I'll scream at the top of my lungs if I see a fucking kid rapist, not provide goddamn cover like a shitgibbon.
Democrats being Democrats RE: gov shutdown and healthcare and such is like being a Houston Texans fan. Oh, God, they're actually gonna do good! Years of watching, waiting, pleading pay off! Aaaaaaaaand Schumer just shit all over himself, his seat, and the two rows surrounding him.
November 10, 2025 at 12:29 AM
Democrats being Democrats RE: gov shutdown and healthcare and such is like being a Houston Texans fan. Oh, God, they're actually gonna do good! Years of watching, waiting, pleading pay off! Aaaaaaaaand Schumer just shit all over himself, his seat, and the two rows surrounding him.
You outlived another hateful pile of shit. Keep going. There are plenty more to outlast.
November 4, 2025 at 11:46 PM
You outlived another hateful pile of shit. Keep going. There are plenty more to outlast.
This workplace crapped all over my go-getter nature one time too many, so it's Bare Minimum Monday all day, every day.
My review will reflect that, but oh, well. I killed the last one and didn't get enough raise to match inflation or prevailing wage for what I do. So fuck em.
My review will reflect that, but oh, well. I killed the last one and didn't get enough raise to match inflation or prevailing wage for what I do. So fuck em.
November 3, 2025 at 4:56 PM
This workplace crapped all over my go-getter nature one time too many, so it's Bare Minimum Monday all day, every day.
My review will reflect that, but oh, well. I killed the last one and didn't get enough raise to match inflation or prevailing wage for what I do. So fuck em.
My review will reflect that, but oh, well. I killed the last one and didn't get enough raise to match inflation or prevailing wage for what I do. So fuck em.
Why "veterinarian" when "dogtor" was right there?
October 30, 2025 at 2:18 PM
Why "veterinarian" when "dogtor" was right there?
ICE: fuck you. Fuck your mothers for sharting you out and naming you. Fuck your fathers for participating. Fuck your grandparents for not stopping the long line of suck and fail before it got to you. Fuck the old gods for not raining fire and lightning down on your loser ancestors.
October 29, 2025 at 9:32 PM
ICE: fuck you. Fuck your mothers for sharting you out and naming you. Fuck your fathers for participating. Fuck your grandparents for not stopping the long line of suck and fail before it got to you. Fuck the old gods for not raining fire and lightning down on your loser ancestors.
If I gave the C suite and VPs where I work copies of an "executive's interactive monthly report," they'd gleefully and smugly color in the generic pie and bar charts while the rest of us sneaked out of the pointless fucking meeting. I'm saying give them coloring books. With fancy crayons.
October 29, 2025 at 1:55 PM
If I gave the C suite and VPs where I work copies of an "executive's interactive monthly report," they'd gleefully and smugly color in the generic pie and bar charts while the rest of us sneaked out of the pointless fucking meeting. I'm saying give them coloring books. With fancy crayons.
Has anybody checked to see if demolishing the East Wing released the spirits of First Ladies past?
October 27, 2025 at 6:31 PM
Has anybody checked to see if demolishing the East Wing released the spirits of First Ladies past?
This Halloween, I'm dressing as Slutty Bunker Wall Behind Adolf's Head.
October 24, 2025 at 11:03 PM
This Halloween, I'm dressing as Slutty Bunker Wall Behind Adolf's Head.
Today, have the courage of a three-pound lop bunny thumping the floor because your grown-ass human is just a bit too slow bringing your breakfast. (Thumping, in this case, is Reese yelling at us to hurry up.)
October 24, 2025 at 4:30 PM
Today, have the courage of a three-pound lop bunny thumping the floor because your grown-ass human is just a bit too slow bringing your breakfast. (Thumping, in this case, is Reese yelling at us to hurry up.)
Preemptively, because if they hear marriage equality they'll overturn it: Fuck SCOTUS and their mothers. And their fathers.
October 23, 2025 at 9:39 PM
Preemptively, because if they hear marriage equality they'll overturn it: Fuck SCOTUS and their mothers. And their fathers.
History repeats itself. *Manifesting this, because the White House burned before and can burn again*
October 23, 2025 at 1:54 AM
History repeats itself. *Manifesting this, because the White House burned before and can burn again*
I cannot overly stress the importance of learning from my mistakes when it comes to letting on to the workplace that you know how to turn on a PC, much less do anything else. Now I'm the troubleshooting guy. Now I'm the hold our hands guy. The we need ten pages of documentation for this website guy.
October 22, 2025 at 1:07 PM
I cannot overly stress the importance of learning from my mistakes when it comes to letting on to the workplace that you know how to turn on a PC, much less do anything else. Now I'm the troubleshooting guy. Now I'm the hold our hands guy. The we need ten pages of documentation for this website guy.
Chicago, you're the best. I don't know what local flavor of phrase you would use, but whatever means, "Fuck yeah, I'm proud to live on the same planet as y'all."
It’s hard to convey just how much Chicagoans are mobilizing against ICE. Don’t want to downplay the harm, or make it seem like a fair fight. But in neighborhoods across this city, ICE is getting chased by people blowing whistles and shouting. People are running TOWARD ICE to protect their neighbors.
October 22, 2025 at 12:39 PM
Chicago, you're the best. I don't know what local flavor of phrase you would use, but whatever means, "Fuck yeah, I'm proud to live on the same planet as y'all."