Erik Karff, LMFT | LGBTQ+ & Men's Therapy in SF
@sftherapy.bsky.social
LGBTQ+ affirming therapist in SF specializing in men’s mental health, anxiety, grief, and relationships. Offering therapy for emotional wellness and growth. https://buff.ly/hgLkv8K
#LGBTQTherapy #MensMentalHealth #TherapyForMen
#LGBTQTherapy #MensMentalHealth #TherapyForMen
If shame is the “silent disconnector,” curiosity is the antidote. I wrote about the neuroscience of shame in relationships and how couples rebuild connection and intimacy.
buff.ly/1pnr0JY
#Relationships #CouplesTherapy #QueerTherapist #AttachmentTheory #Intimacy #BayAreaTherapist
November 21, 2025 at 5:10 PM
If shame is the “silent disconnector,” curiosity is the antidote. I wrote about the neuroscience of shame in relationships and how couples rebuild connection and intimacy.
buff.ly/1pnr0JY
#Relationships #CouplesTherapy #QueerTherapist #AttachmentTheory #Intimacy #BayAreaTherapist
Trusting the discomfort. A new post on why therapy change can feel backwards at first: buff.ly/BG7OVaX #HealingJourney #Therapy
Why Change in Therapy Can Be Counterintuitive | Erik Karff Psychotherapy
At the heart of the "Paradoxical Theory of Change" is radical acceptance. This idea resonates deeply with clients struggling with self-worth, anxiety, or societal pressures. Many individuals come to…
buff.ly
November 20, 2025 at 10:48 PM
Trusting the discomfort. A new post on why therapy change can feel backwards at first: buff.ly/BG7OVaX #HealingJourney #Therapy
From locker rooms to hookup apps, masculinity can feel like a costume we’re forced to wear.
What happens when gay men start unlearning the script?
#GayMen #Authenticity #GenderNorms #TherapyMatters
Authenticity & the Unpacking of Gender Expectations for Gay Men | Erik Karff Psychotherapy
Discover insights into the journey of self-acceptance and authenticity for gay men, focusing on overcoming societal expectations with gender and family
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November 20, 2025 at 5:10 PM
From locker rooms to hookup apps, masculinity can feel like a costume we’re forced to wear.
What happens when gay men start unlearning the script?
#GayMen #Authenticity #GenderNorms #TherapyMatters
Loneliness is everywhere right now—even in crowded rooms. This post reflects on how we become disconnected, and how we might find our way back.
buff.ly/K6lFLV8
#Loneliness #Therapy
Reclaiming Wholeness in a Disconnected World | Erik Karff Psychotherapy
Former Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy called loneliness a public health crisis. This blog explores how the power of relationships, small acts of kindness, & presence can be the medicine to get on top...
buff.ly
November 19, 2025 at 10:48 PM
Loneliness is everywhere right now—even in crowded rooms. This post reflects on how we become disconnected, and how we might find our way back.
buff.ly/K6lFLV8
#Loneliness #Therapy
So many couples carry shame they’ve never named—about needs, desire, identity, mistakes.
This piece explores how shame shows up in relationships and what repair actually looks like.
buff.ly/1pnr0JY
#CouplesTherapySF #AttachmentHealing #RelationshipAdvice
November 19, 2025 at 5:10 PM
So many couples carry shame they’ve never named—about needs, desire, identity, mistakes.
This piece explores how shame shows up in relationships and what repair actually looks like.
buff.ly/1pnr0JY
#CouplesTherapySF #AttachmentHealing #RelationshipAdvice
Shame works in silence—it tightens communication, distances partners, and makes joy feel harder to access.
I wrote about how couples can understand these patterns and find their way back to closeness and ease.
buff.ly/1pnr0JY
#CouplesTherapy #QueerCouples #GayTherapySF #AttachmentWounds
How Shame Affects Relationships — And How Couples Can Rediscover Joy & Intimacy | Erik Karff Psychotherapy
Shame can quietly damage relationships. This article highlights ways couples can recognize it, talk about it, and rebuild trust with support from couple therapy in San Francisco.
buff.ly
November 18, 2025 at 10:48 PM
Shame works in silence—it tightens communication, distances partners, and makes joy feel harder to access.
I wrote about how couples can understand these patterns and find their way back to closeness and ease.
buff.ly/1pnr0JY
#CouplesTherapy #QueerCouples #GayTherapySF #AttachmentWounds
November 15, 2025 at 10:48 PM
What are the hallmarks of avoidant attachment? How does interpersonal trauma shape these patterns? & how can mindful self-compassion begin to transform them?
buff.ly/XkhRAnr
#AttachmentStyles #TraumaHealing #MindfulSelfCompassion #Therapy #Healing
When Getting Close Feels Too Risky: Avoidant Attachment and the Wounds Behind It | Erik Karff Psychotherapy
We know that avoidant attachment, often rooted in trauma, can impact self-compassion and relationships—and how therapy can help. Written by San Francisco psychotherapist Erik Karff.
buff.ly
November 15, 2025 at 5:10 PM
What are the hallmarks of avoidant attachment? How does interpersonal trauma shape these patterns? & how can mindful self-compassion begin to transform them?
buff.ly/XkhRAnr
#AttachmentStyles #TraumaHealing #MindfulSelfCompassion #Therapy #Healing
Conflict doesn’t mean failure. In fact, it’s part of intimacy. Here’s why rupture and repair matter more than “getting it right” every time.
Normalizing Discord in Relationships: Why Rupture & Repair is Key to Intimacy | Erik Karff Psychotherapy
Discover how the ups and downs of relationships can foster intimacy and growth. Insights from the book The Power of Discord provide a new framework for understanding relational conflict and the power…
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November 14, 2025 at 10:48 PM
Conflict doesn’t mean failure. In fact, it’s part of intimacy. Here’s why rupture and repair matter more than “getting it right” every time.
“The inner voice that tears you down isn’t the only voice you have.”
On the real pain of self-judgment — and the radical practice of turning toward yourself with care.
Read more: buff.ly/OpgQuTO
#Therapy #SelfLove #Compassion
The Pain of Self-Judgment Is Real—So Is the Possibility of Self-Acceptance | Erik Karff Psychotherapy
What if you treated yourself with the same kindness you offer others? Explore the power of self-acceptance and how to break free from self-doubt
buff.ly
November 14, 2025 at 5:10 PM
“The inner voice that tears you down isn’t the only voice you have.”
On the real pain of self-judgment — and the radical practice of turning toward yourself with care.
Read more: buff.ly/OpgQuTO
#Therapy #SelfLove #Compassion
What are the hallmarks of #avoidant attachment?
How does interpersonal trauma shape these patterns?
And how can mindful self-compassion begin to transform them?
buff.ly/XkhRAnr
#AttachmentStyles #TraumaHealing #MindfulSelfCompassion #Therapy #Healing
November 13, 2025 at 10:48 PM
What are the hallmarks of #avoidant attachment?
How does interpersonal trauma shape these patterns?
And how can mindful self-compassion begin to transform them?
buff.ly/XkhRAnr
#AttachmentStyles #TraumaHealing #MindfulSelfCompassion #Therapy #Healing
For many gay men, perfectionism isn’t just a personal habit—it’s a survival strategy. I explore how this shows up and what therapy can offer.
buff.ly/j74M2Um
#GayMen #MentalHealth #Perfectionism #QueerTherapy
November 13, 2025 at 5:10 PM
For many gay men, perfectionism isn’t just a personal habit—it’s a survival strategy. I explore how this shows up and what therapy can offer.
buff.ly/j74M2Um
#GayMen #MentalHealth #Perfectionism #QueerTherapy
Codependency is often misunderstood as excessive clinginess. But beneath it lies a survival strategy rooted in early attachment dynamics.
This piece explores the path toward interdependence—how we move from relational enmeshment to shared, respectful connection.
This piece explores the path toward interdependence—how we move from relational enmeshment to shared, respectful connection.
From Codependency to Interdependence: Shifts Toward More Fulfilling Relationships | Erik Karff Psychotherapy
Strong relationships require clear boundaries. If saying no feels impossible or other people’s emotions dictate your own, this is what you need to know.
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November 12, 2025 at 10:48 PM
Codependency is often misunderstood as excessive clinginess. But beneath it lies a survival strategy rooted in early attachment dynamics.
This piece explores the path toward interdependence—how we move from relational enmeshment to shared, respectful connection.
This piece explores the path toward interdependence—how we move from relational enmeshment to shared, respectful connection.
Mindful self-compassion has played an important role in my own well-being.
Research is now connecting interpersonal trauma to avoidant attachment —& showing how compassion practices can create change. buff.ly/XkhRAnr
#MindfulSelfCompassion #AttachmentHealing #TraumaRecovery #Psychotherapy
When Getting Close Feels Too Risky: Avoidant Attachment and the Wounds Behind It | Erik Karff Psychotherapy
We know that avoidant attachment, often rooted in trauma, can impact self-compassion and relationships—and how therapy can help. Written by San Francisco psychotherapist Erik Karff.
buff.ly
November 12, 2025 at 5:10 PM
Mindful self-compassion has played an important role in my own well-being.
Research is now connecting interpersonal trauma to avoidant attachment —& showing how compassion practices can create change. buff.ly/XkhRAnr
#MindfulSelfCompassion #AttachmentHealing #TraumaRecovery #Psychotherapy
We don’t talk enough about how perfectionism can serve as protection—and how it also takes a toll. If you’re a gay or queer man and you’ve felt this way, you might find something connected here.
buff.ly/j74M2Um
#LGBTQIA #GayMenMentalHealth #TherapyForMen #Authenticity
November 11, 2025 at 10:48 PM
We don’t talk enough about how perfectionism can serve as protection—and how it also takes a toll. If you’re a gay or queer man and you’ve felt this way, you might find something connected here.
buff.ly/j74M2Um
#LGBTQIA #GayMenMentalHealth #TherapyForMen #Authenticity
Loneliness isn’t always loud. Sometimes it’s just a quiet sense of being apart from yourself.
On disconnection, grief, and the longing to feel whole.
buff.ly/I2jqxPs
#Loneliness #TherapyForMen
Reclaiming Wholeness in a Disconnected World | Erik Karff Psychotherapy
Former Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy called loneliness a public health crisis. This blog explores how the power of relationships, small acts of kindness, & presence can be the medicine to get on top...
buff.ly
November 11, 2025 at 5:10 PM
Loneliness isn’t always loud. Sometimes it’s just a quiet sense of being apart from yourself.
On disconnection, grief, and the longing to feel whole.
buff.ly/I2jqxPs
#Loneliness #TherapyForMen
I lost two close friends during shelter in place — a mentor who was an artist & musician, & an old crush I reconnected w/ before he passed. Thích Nhất Hạnh’s words brought me peace during this difficult time. May his poem bring you #comfort
“Walk With Me Now”: Thich Nhat Hanh on Death, Presence, and Interbeing | Erik Karff Psychotherapy
A profound poem by Thich Nhat Hanh on death, loss, and presence beyond separation. A reflection on grief and interbeing, shared in honor of his life and teachings.
buff.ly
November 10, 2025 at 10:48 PM
I lost two close friends during shelter in place — a mentor who was an artist & musician, & an old crush I reconnected w/ before he passed. Thích Nhất Hạnh’s words brought me peace during this difficult time. May his poem bring you #comfort
Do you ever feel like you have to be “the best version” of yourself to belong? For gay men in particular, that pressure often hides #shame, fear, and longing. Here’s a blog I wrote about how we can begin to loosen that grip.
buff.ly/j74M2Um
#GayTherapySF #MenInTherapy #ShameAndBelonging #QueerMen
Perfectionism as Protection: Gay Men, Shame, and the Longing to Belong | Erik Karff Psychotherapy
Explore how perfectionism shows up in the lives of gay men in San Francisco—and how therapy and self-compassion can help shift old patterns.
erikkarffpsychotherapy.com
November 10, 2025 at 5:10 PM
Do you ever feel like you have to be “the best version” of yourself to belong? For gay men in particular, that pressure often hides #shame, fear, and longing. Here’s a blog I wrote about how we can begin to loosen that grip.
buff.ly/j74M2Um
#GayTherapySF #MenInTherapy #ShameAndBelonging #QueerMen
Longing for a “daddy” isn’t always about sex. It’s about grief, mentorship, memory, and survival. This reflection looks at desire, the AIDS crisis, and intergenerational queer love.
buff.ly/PRVkCh0
#GayTherapy #LGBTQHistory #QueerMen #CastroSF
Longing for Daddy: Gay Desire, Generational Wounds, and the Therapy Room | Erik Karff Psychotherapy
Explore the complexities of cross-generational desire, queer longing, & the impact of the AIDS crisis in this reflective article on “daddies,” intimacy, & healing within the LGBTQ+ community.…
buff.ly
October 30, 2025 at 9:48 PM
Longing for a “daddy” isn’t always about sex. It’s about grief, mentorship, memory, and survival. This reflection looks at desire, the AIDS crisis, and intergenerational queer love.
buff.ly/PRVkCh0
#GayTherapy #LGBTQHistory #QueerMen #CastroSF
Avoidant attachment can look like independence on the surface, but often hides deep patterns of protection.
How does trauma shape these patterns? & how can mindful self-compassion help us soften & heal?
buff.ly/xQFqNU1
#AvoidantAttachment #SelfCompassion #TraumaHealing #TherapyForMen
October 30, 2025 at 4:10 PM
Avoidant attachment can look like independence on the surface, but often hides deep patterns of protection.
How does trauma shape these patterns? & how can mindful self-compassion help us soften & heal?
buff.ly/xQFqNU1
#AvoidantAttachment #SelfCompassion #TraumaHealing #TherapyForMen
Men are often presured to perform. But, is this at the cost of connection?
New piece on masculinity, masks, and therapy.
#MensMentalHealth #TherapyForMen #QueerCommunity #Masculinity
Performance or Protection? When Masculinity Becomes a Mask | Erik Karff Psychotherapy
Some men perform masculinity. Others protect themselves with it. This article explores the roots of that performance—and how therapy helps.
buff.ly
October 29, 2025 at 9:48 PM
Men are often presured to perform. But, is this at the cost of connection?
New piece on masculinity, masks, and therapy.
#MensMentalHealth #TherapyForMen #QueerCommunity #Masculinity
There’s something pretty genuine in Martin Luke Brown’s “To Be a Man.”
This article is about how it speaks to the emotional balancing act so many men live every day. buff.ly/IA9wANf
#Masculinity #MensTherapy #MentalHealth
This article is about how it speaks to the emotional balancing act so many men live every day. buff.ly/IA9wANf
#Masculinity #MensTherapy #MentalHealth
To Be a Man: a Song on Courage, Connection, and Men’s Mental Health | Erik Karff Psychotherapy
Martin Luke Brown’s To Be a Man asks: Is this what it’s like? A moving look at courage, silence, friendship, and the realities of masculine conditioning.
erikkarffpsychotherapy.com
October 29, 2025 at 4:10 PM
There’s something pretty genuine in Martin Luke Brown’s “To Be a Man.”
This article is about how it speaks to the emotional balancing act so many men live every day. buff.ly/IA9wANf
#Masculinity #MensTherapy #MentalHealth
This article is about how it speaks to the emotional balancing act so many men live every day. buff.ly/IA9wANf
#Masculinity #MensTherapy #MentalHealth
Mindful self-compassion has played an important role in my own #healing process.
Research now links interpersonal trauma w/ avoidant attachment—& shows how self-compassion can open new pathways toward connection & freedom. buff.ly/xQFqNU1
#Therapy #AttachmentHealing #TraumaRecovery #Psychotherapy
When Getting Close Feels Too Risky: Avoidant Attachment and the Wounds Behind It | Erik Karff Psychotherapy
We know that avoidant attachment, often rooted in trauma, can impact self-compassion and relationships—and how therapy can help. Written by San Francisco psychotherapist Erik Karff.
buff.ly
October 28, 2025 at 9:48 PM
Mindful self-compassion has played an important role in my own #healing process.
Research now links interpersonal trauma w/ avoidant attachment—& shows how self-compassion can open new pathways toward connection & freedom. buff.ly/xQFqNU1
#Therapy #AttachmentHealing #TraumaRecovery #Psychotherapy
Reposted by Erik Karff, LMFT | LGBTQ+ & Men's Therapy in SF
“The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance.” Alan Watts
Change is part of every season & every chapter of life. It invites us to notice what matters, release what’s ready to go & welcome what comes next.
🧡
#opportunity
Art by Positively Present
Change is part of every season & every chapter of life. It invites us to notice what matters, release what’s ready to go & welcome what comes next.
🧡
#opportunity
Art by Positively Present
September 25, 2025 at 6:01 AM
“The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance.” Alan Watts
Change is part of every season & every chapter of life. It invites us to notice what matters, release what’s ready to go & welcome what comes next.
🧡
#opportunity
Art by Positively Present
Change is part of every season & every chapter of life. It invites us to notice what matters, release what’s ready to go & welcome what comes next.
🧡
#opportunity
Art by Positively Present
Reposted by Erik Karff, LMFT | LGBTQ+ & Men's Therapy in SF
🧩 We ALL have parts 🧩
Those with trauma histories
have much more than average.
🧩Un-integrated Parts = Feeling unwell 🤕😔
🧩Integrated Parts = Feeling better 😁😊
An IFS Practitioner
(Internal Family Systems)
can help with integration.
Self-love ❤️ is helping your parts 🧩 integrate
#partswork
February 23, 2025 at 7:06 PM
🧩 We ALL have parts 🧩
Those with trauma histories
have much more than average.
🧩Un-integrated Parts = Feeling unwell 🤕😔
🧩Integrated Parts = Feeling better 😁😊
An IFS Practitioner
(Internal Family Systems)
can help with integration.
Self-love ❤️ is helping your parts 🧩 integrate
#partswork