Scotty Burkhardt
@scottyburkhardt.bsky.social
Former fireman in forensics. Just here to post out of context quotes from my day.
West Ham United, Orioles, and my 2.5 Cats
West Ham United, Orioles, and my 2.5 Cats
Sometimes it’s difficult for her to differentiate her face and asshole.
November 3, 2025 at 4:45 AM
Sometimes it’s difficult for her to differentiate her face and asshole.
“Can I borrow your vacuum for a few?”
“For what?”
“Did you ever see Scary Movie?”
“For what?”
“Did you ever see Scary Movie?”
October 23, 2025 at 4:04 PM
“Can I borrow your vacuum for a few?”
“For what?”
“Did you ever see Scary Movie?”
“For what?”
“Did you ever see Scary Movie?”
“How the fuck do you spell ‘salt’ wrong?! S-A-U-L-T?”
“Fuck if I know? Maybe he’s from Souix Ste. Marie or a French Canadian?”
“Shut the fuck up scotty”
“Fuck if I know? Maybe he’s from Souix Ste. Marie or a French Canadian?”
“Shut the fuck up scotty”
October 16, 2025 at 9:25 PM
“How the fuck do you spell ‘salt’ wrong?! S-A-U-L-T?”
“Fuck if I know? Maybe he’s from Souix Ste. Marie or a French Canadian?”
“Shut the fuck up scotty”
“Fuck if I know? Maybe he’s from Souix Ste. Marie or a French Canadian?”
“Shut the fuck up scotty”
“Took 2 edibles and now I can see my tinnitus. So, I got that going for me?”
October 9, 2025 at 12:15 AM
“Took 2 edibles and now I can see my tinnitus. So, I got that going for me?”
“The aesthetic gave dive bar vibes and also described as a "Korean-punk speakeasy."
Yes please
Yes please
August 4, 2025 at 12:20 AM
“The aesthetic gave dive bar vibes and also described as a "Korean-punk speakeasy."
Yes please
Yes please
“Did it hurt?”
“What?”
“When you ascended from hell?”
“Isn’t it fell from heaven?”
“Not for you”
“What?”
“When you ascended from hell?”
“Isn’t it fell from heaven?”
“Not for you”
July 27, 2025 at 2:18 PM
“Did it hurt?”
“What?”
“When you ascended from hell?”
“Isn’t it fell from heaven?”
“Not for you”
“What?”
“When you ascended from hell?”
“Isn’t it fell from heaven?”
“Not for you”
“Do you want the dog?”
“Fuck no! The dog’s a face eater, I’m not messin’ around with Cujo”
“Fuck no! The dog’s a face eater, I’m not messin’ around with Cujo”
July 23, 2025 at 5:05 PM
“Do you want the dog?”
“Fuck no! The dog’s a face eater, I’m not messin’ around with Cujo”
“Fuck no! The dog’s a face eater, I’m not messin’ around with Cujo”
“Buffalo chicken pizza?”
“MUMBAI CITY BUTTER CHICKEN PIZZA MOTHERFUCKER!!!”
“Where?!”
“Mumbai, obviously”
“MUMBAI CITY BUTTER CHICKEN PIZZA MOTHERFUCKER!!!”
“Where?!”
“Mumbai, obviously”
June 29, 2025 at 4:09 AM
“Buffalo chicken pizza?”
“MUMBAI CITY BUTTER CHICKEN PIZZA MOTHERFUCKER!!!”
“Where?!”
“Mumbai, obviously”
“MUMBAI CITY BUTTER CHICKEN PIZZA MOTHERFUCKER!!!”
“Where?!”
“Mumbai, obviously”
“Thank you Thomas the Tank Engine!”
“His name is Marc, with a C. It says so right there!”
“His name is Marc, with a C. It says so right there!”
June 26, 2025 at 11:59 PM
“Thank you Thomas the Tank Engine!”
“His name is Marc, with a C. It says so right there!”
“His name is Marc, with a C. It says so right there!”
Actual text Josh sent me:
“Well I just mean, you probably have your finger on the pulse of what’s acceptable and not”
No…I do not.
“Well I just mean, you probably have your finger on the pulse of what’s acceptable and not”
No…I do not.
June 21, 2025 at 2:48 AM
Actual text Josh sent me:
“Well I just mean, you probably have your finger on the pulse of what’s acceptable and not”
No…I do not.
“Well I just mean, you probably have your finger on the pulse of what’s acceptable and not”
No…I do not.
We’re a simple bunch of inner-city liberals. Just play anything that’s not a white dude singing about a woman!
You could play 9-5 Dolly and we’d be happy.
nope….
ACDC
Jovi
Grease
THIS IS A WEDDING PLAYLIST!!
Fuck!!
You could play 9-5 Dolly and we’d be happy.
nope….
ACDC
Jovi
Grease
THIS IS A WEDDING PLAYLIST!!
Fuck!!
June 8, 2025 at 2:25 AM
We’re a simple bunch of inner-city liberals. Just play anything that’s not a white dude singing about a woman!
You could play 9-5 Dolly and we’d be happy.
nope….
ACDC
Jovi
Grease
THIS IS A WEDDING PLAYLIST!!
Fuck!!
You could play 9-5 Dolly and we’d be happy.
nope….
ACDC
Jovi
Grease
THIS IS A WEDDING PLAYLIST!!
Fuck!!
My Cousin Vinny is an absolute gem! It’s about every stereotype in the city. See exhibit A:
Fuck you!
You have a 718 area code!
Fuck you!
You have a 718 area code!
May 29, 2025 at 1:58 AM
My Cousin Vinny is an absolute gem! It’s about every stereotype in the city. See exhibit A:
Fuck you!
You have a 718 area code!
Fuck you!
You have a 718 area code!
“He looks like justin trudeau, if he were wearing crocs!”
May 3, 2025 at 12:45 AM
“He looks like justin trudeau, if he were wearing crocs!”
“ARE YOU TELLING ME YOU’RE SMARTER THAN PORNHUB?!?”
April 10, 2025 at 4:01 PM
“ARE YOU TELLING ME YOU’RE SMARTER THAN PORNHUB?!?”
“So one of my favorite activities is day-drinking in an empty stomach to get a good buzz on.” @spressotini.bsky.social
March 29, 2025 at 6:59 PM
“So one of my favorite activities is day-drinking in an empty stomach to get a good buzz on.” @spressotini.bsky.social
“I just don’t understand how you dumbasses from the northeast can’t figure out how to spell ladder?!”
“Ladder? Can you use it in a sentence?”
“Ladder? Can you use it in a sentence?”
March 9, 2025 at 9:37 PM
“I just don’t understand how you dumbasses from the northeast can’t figure out how to spell ladder?!”
“Ladder? Can you use it in a sentence?”
“Ladder? Can you use it in a sentence?”
Whoever created “.webp”. Get fucked.
March 5, 2025 at 5:35 PM
Whoever created “.webp”. Get fucked.
JU “I’m a Jew!”
Me “emphasis on the ish, you’re Jew-ish”
Me “emphasis on the ish, you’re Jew-ish”
March 1, 2025 at 8:12 PM
JU “I’m a Jew!”
Me “emphasis on the ish, you’re Jew-ish”
Me “emphasis on the ish, you’re Jew-ish”
“The origins of Dragons were fathered In the Bronze Age orient. Daddy’s home motherfucker, Up the o’s”
February 18, 2025 at 7:22 PM
“The origins of Dragons were fathered In the Bronze Age orient. Daddy’s home motherfucker, Up the o’s”
My reports…might be lacking:
“deer into a mini, kinda’ like tommy boy… but… like for real
………
he finished it off [sic] humainly”
“deer into a mini, kinda’ like tommy boy… but… like for real
………
he finished it off [sic] humainly”
February 18, 2025 at 4:07 AM
My reports…might be lacking:
“deer into a mini, kinda’ like tommy boy… but… like for real
………
he finished it off [sic] humainly”
“deer into a mini, kinda’ like tommy boy… but… like for real
………
he finished it off [sic] humainly”
“Great, now I’m gonna’ have Scotty Doesn’t Know stuck in my head all night!”
“Fuck you. I’ve been stuck with it for 20 years.”
“Fuck you. I’ve been stuck with it for 20 years.”
February 9, 2025 at 2:07 AM
“Great, now I’m gonna’ have Scotty Doesn’t Know stuck in my head all night!”
“Fuck you. I’ve been stuck with it for 20 years.”
“Fuck you. I’ve been stuck with it for 20 years.”
“Subject name is Mr. Unk. Last name spelled U-N-K, First spelled U-N-K”
“So he’s an unknown?”
“Known to God?”
“You’re an idiot”
“So he’s an unknown?”
“Known to God?”
“You’re an idiot”
February 6, 2025 at 2:58 AM
“Subject name is Mr. Unk. Last name spelled U-N-K, First spelled U-N-K”
“So he’s an unknown?”
“Known to God?”
“You’re an idiot”
“So he’s an unknown?”
“Known to God?”
“You’re an idiot”
“We’ll both fucking kill you! Leave the Tim Hortons out of it. It’s covered it the Geneva Convention!”
February 4, 2025 at 11:24 PM
“We’ll both fucking kill you! Leave the Tim Hortons out of it. It’s covered it the Geneva Convention!”