rowan sexamungus
@samschlong.bsky.social
phone longer than my dick they call me samschlong 🏳️⚧️
Pinned
guys we need obama 2028
January 28, 2026 at 1:49 AM
guys we need obama 2028
aborted rizzler be like i wish i could give 3 big booms
January 26, 2026 at 5:06 PM
aborted rizzler be like i wish i could give 3 big booms
(beastie boys singing intergalactic) like jeffrey epstein the pedophile!
January 25, 2026 at 12:52 AM
(beastie boys singing intergalactic) like jeffrey epstein the pedophile!
why the fuck do people take general criticisms of ai so personally. i dont care if you use it. you dont have to justify yourself to me
January 23, 2026 at 3:06 PM
why the fuck do people take general criticisms of ai so personally. i dont care if you use it. you dont have to justify yourself to me
i need eric andre to become an old man and do jokes about his old man cock and balls
January 22, 2026 at 11:59 PM
i need eric andre to become an old man and do jokes about his old man cock and balls
dude flaccid dick feels like jimmy dean sausage links. the little frozen ones. holy shit im a genius
January 22, 2026 at 6:19 PM
dude flaccid dick feels like jimmy dean sausage links. the little frozen ones. holy shit im a genius
closing my office door to pick my nose
January 21, 2026 at 6:22 PM
closing my office door to pick my nose
"straight" dude who can only fuck women wearing strap ons so he can jerk them off
January 20, 2026 at 4:07 AM
"straight" dude who can only fuck women wearing strap ons so he can jerk them off
dunno what this is
January 18, 2026 at 5:16 AM
dunno what this is
Reposted by rowan sexamungus
this is what 5 beers and chinese takeout feels like
April 20, 2025 at 11:05 PM
this is what 5 beers and chinese takeout feels like
Reposted by rowan sexamungus
testing my teleporter out and someones fuckin baby appeared what do i do
May 1, 2025 at 12:34 AM
testing my teleporter out and someones fuckin baby appeared what do i do
Reposted by rowan sexamungus
heyy baby (offers you a green healign crystal)
May 1, 2025 at 12:04 PM
heyy baby (offers you a green healign crystal)
Reposted by rowan sexamungus
i wanna be 16 again in the same way that i wanna be an orc from lotr. do u get me
therapist: yeah uh huh (nodding)
therapist: yeah uh huh (nodding)
May 4, 2025 at 3:27 AM
i wanna be 16 again in the same way that i wanna be an orc from lotr. do u get me
therapist: yeah uh huh (nodding)
therapist: yeah uh huh (nodding)
Reposted by rowan sexamungus
i think someone should put me in a pan with some chopped onion celery and carrot and deglaze the pan with red cooking wine once we get all sweaty and smelly and translucent
May 30, 2025 at 12:44 AM
i think someone should put me in a pan with some chopped onion celery and carrot and deglaze the pan with red cooking wine once we get all sweaty and smelly and translucent
Reposted by rowan sexamungus
boss: hard at work?
me: (frantically covering pants) NO
me: (frantically covering pants) NO
June 15, 2025 at 5:41 PM
boss: hard at work?
me: (frantically covering pants) NO
me: (frantically covering pants) NO
Reposted by rowan sexamungus
(watching a dog) maybe i would sleep better if i did little circles too
July 3, 2025 at 9:54 PM
(watching a dog) maybe i would sleep better if i did little circles too
Reposted by rowan sexamungus
coworker said fiona in ogre form was ugly so i had to curse their lineage
July 8, 2025 at 1:52 PM
coworker said fiona in ogre form was ugly so i had to curse their lineage
Reposted by rowan sexamungus
found this in my files and started laughing really hard
July 16, 2025 at 11:37 PM
found this in my files and started laughing really hard
Reposted by rowan sexamungus
you could give me absolute evidence that someone came in my chalupa and id fucking eat it anyways
August 11, 2025 at 4:44 AM
you could give me absolute evidence that someone came in my chalupa and id fucking eat it anyways
i shiuld patent this
January 18, 2026 at 3:08 AM
i shiuld patent this
Reposted by rowan sexamungus
my dick maintains erection by way of small gnomes holding it up
September 14, 2025 at 5:01 PM
my dick maintains erection by way of small gnomes holding it up
Reposted by rowan sexamungus
a stroke is just the erection of the brain
September 20, 2025 at 9:09 PM
a stroke is just the erection of the brain