Rodney Lacroix
@rodlacroix.bsky.social
Disappointing people since 1968. Rodney Lacroix is a humorist, and author of several books. He currently writes on Medium and has made tens of dollars through all his efforts.
EVERYTHING: https://t.co/JN2RmmKWfK
EVERYTHING: https://t.co/JN2RmmKWfK
Pinned
Rodney Lacroix
@rodlacroix.bsky.social
· Dec 22
Science: Domesticated dogs are most closely related to gray wolves.
My dog: There is snow in my paw and now you must carry me.
My dog: There is snow in my paw and now you must carry me.
So, have they stopped eating the dogs and eating the cats? I’m curious if all this ICE action has resulted in a cat and dog population boom.
July 17, 2025 at 11:42 AM
So, have they stopped eating the dogs and eating the cats? I’m curious if all this ICE action has resulted in a cat and dog population boom.
Doctor: Your blood pressure is a little high.
Me: I have 4 kids.
Doctor: Your blood pressure is a little low.
Me: I have 4 kids.
Doctor: Your blood pressure is a little low.
July 15, 2025 at 11:02 AM
Doctor: Your blood pressure is a little high.
Me: I have 4 kids.
Doctor: Your blood pressure is a little low.
Me: I have 4 kids.
Doctor: Your blood pressure is a little low.
Jeff Bezos’s wedding cost $50 million.
In related news I wash plastic forks so I can reuse them.
In related news I wash plastic forks so I can reuse them.
June 28, 2025 at 11:28 AM
Jeff Bezos’s wedding cost $50 million.
In related news I wash plastic forks so I can reuse them.
In related news I wash plastic forks so I can reuse them.
Me [whispering]: It's my wife's birthday so I was wondering if the staff could sing Happy Birthday to her?
McDonald's Cashier:
McDonald's Cashier:
June 15, 2025 at 10:50 AM
Me [whispering]: It's my wife's birthday so I was wondering if the staff could sing Happy Birthday to her?
McDonald's Cashier:
McDonald's Cashier:
Daughter is texting me to complain about how hot her classroom is so it's a good thing I can control the high school's air conditioning from my iPhone.
June 13, 2025 at 9:40 AM
Daughter is texting me to complain about how hot her classroom is so it's a good thing I can control the high school's air conditioning from my iPhone.
Wanna feel old?
One year ago, Jon Bon Jovi was on the cover of AARP Magazine.
One year ago, Jon Bon Jovi was on the cover of AARP Magazine.
June 11, 2025 at 1:24 AM
Wanna feel old?
One year ago, Jon Bon Jovi was on the cover of AARP Magazine.
One year ago, Jon Bon Jovi was on the cover of AARP Magazine.
Trump and Elon divorce stuck on who gets legal custody of this photo.
June 6, 2025 at 10:02 AM
Trump and Elon divorce stuck on who gets legal custody of this photo.
I feel like I’ve stumbled upon Duolingo After Dark.
June 5, 2025 at 10:37 AM
I feel like I’ve stumbled upon Duolingo After Dark.
My son starts his first full-time job on Monday and I’m not looking forward to watching the light go out in his eyes.
May 31, 2025 at 11:33 AM
My son starts his first full-time job on Monday and I’m not looking forward to watching the light go out in his eyes.
I’ve reached that age where birds get mad at me for waking them up.
May 30, 2025 at 12:14 PM
I’ve reached that age where birds get mad at me for waking them up.
Just when you think all the Trump taco talk ended with the Stormy Daniels situation.
May 29, 2025 at 3:00 PM
Just when you think all the Trump taco talk ended with the Stormy Daniels situation.
Me: These are getting a bit snug, can you take the waist out a few inches?
Tailor: These are sweatpants.
Tailor: These are sweatpants.
May 29, 2025 at 12:00 PM
Me: These are getting a bit snug, can you take the waist out a few inches?
Tailor: These are sweatpants.
Tailor: These are sweatpants.
Quite possibly the greatest playlist title of all time.
May 28, 2025 at 1:40 PM
Quite possibly the greatest playlist title of all time.
Me: [trying to fall sleep]
My Apple Watch: Would you like to log this workout?
My Apple Watch: Would you like to log this workout?
May 27, 2025 at 12:06 PM
Me: [trying to fall sleep]
My Apple Watch: Would you like to log this workout?
My Apple Watch: Would you like to log this workout?
My wife’s desire to sleep in on weekends and my seasonal allergies are in a constant battle with each other.
May 26, 2025 at 11:19 AM
My wife’s desire to sleep in on weekends and my seasonal allergies are in a constant battle with each other.
AI but for my television so it knows to mute or change the channel whenever Trump appears on screen.
May 25, 2025 at 10:37 AM
AI but for my television so it knows to mute or change the channel whenever Trump appears on screen.
Ate a lot of vegetables last week to make room in the drawer for this weekend's beer.
May 24, 2025 at 8:09 PM
Ate a lot of vegetables last week to make room in the drawer for this weekend's beer.
Son's College: Consider giving a gift to the Alumni Association!
Me: [sends them back his $34,000 tuition bill with a bow on it]
Me: [sends them back his $34,000 tuition bill with a bow on it]
May 23, 2025 at 10:15 AM
Son's College: Consider giving a gift to the Alumni Association!
Me: [sends them back his $34,000 tuition bill with a bow on it]
Me: [sends them back his $34,000 tuition bill with a bow on it]
Not sure Home Depot thought through the tagline of their app.
May 20, 2025 at 10:16 AM
Not sure Home Depot thought through the tagline of their app.
Me: Finally we can enjoy some nice weather.
Seasonal allergies: hey wassup
Seasonal allergies: hey wassup
May 13, 2025 at 10:30 AM
Me: Finally we can enjoy some nice weather.
Seasonal allergies: hey wassup
Seasonal allergies: hey wassup
Me: I don’t think I could hate watching the news more.
The news:
The news:
May 12, 2025 at 10:03 AM
Me: I don’t think I could hate watching the news more.
The news:
The news:
Laptop: Change your password
Me: [changes password]
Laptop: Your password is too short
Me: [changes]
Laptop: Your password is too long
Me: [changes]
Laptop: Your password needs a number
Me: [changes]
Laptop: Your password must be uncrackable by the Enigma Machine
Me: [quits job]
Me: [changes password]
Laptop: Your password is too short
Me: [changes]
Laptop: Your password is too long
Me: [changes]
Laptop: Your password needs a number
Me: [changes]
Laptop: Your password must be uncrackable by the Enigma Machine
Me: [quits job]
May 11, 2025 at 12:34 PM
Laptop: Change your password
Me: [changes password]
Laptop: Your password is too short
Me: [changes]
Laptop: Your password is too long
Me: [changes]
Laptop: Your password needs a number
Me: [changes]
Laptop: Your password must be uncrackable by the Enigma Machine
Me: [quits job]
Me: [changes password]
Laptop: Your password is too short
Me: [changes]
Laptop: Your password is too long
Me: [changes]
Laptop: Your password needs a number
Me: [changes]
Laptop: Your password must be uncrackable by the Enigma Machine
Me: [quits job]
Don’t forget to continually remind your children not to piss mom off today.
May 11, 2025 at 12:10 PM
Don’t forget to continually remind your children not to piss mom off today.
I didn’t plan on eating at midnight, but the wife and I didn’t start discussing what to do for dinner until 5 PM.
May 9, 2025 at 9:15 PM
I didn’t plan on eating at midnight, but the wife and I didn’t start discussing what to do for dinner until 5 PM.
First American-born Pope debuts BBQ, Salt and Vinegar, and Flaming Hot flavors of Eucharist.
May 9, 2025 at 10:06 AM
First American-born Pope debuts BBQ, Salt and Vinegar, and Flaming Hot flavors of Eucharist.