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PAMELA: I have to hand it to you, you really are the golden boy.
CLIVE: Damn right.
CLIVE: Damn right.
January 18, 2026 at 9:23 AM
PAMELA: I have to hand it to you, you really are the golden boy.
CLIVE: Damn right.
CLIVE: Damn right.
GORDON: Don't worry about it. Look, I've got biscuits.
WARREN: Oh God, I love you.
WARREN: Oh God, I love you.
January 18, 2026 at 8:51 AM
GORDON: Don't worry about it. Look, I've got biscuits.
WARREN: Oh God, I love you.
WARREN: Oh God, I love you.
MALCOLM: I… I don't want to see him!
AUBREY: Then don't look at him!
WARREN: Er… Nice to meet you.
MALCOLM: Go to hell, fucko!
AUBREY: Then don't look at him!
WARREN: Er… Nice to meet you.
MALCOLM: Go to hell, fucko!
January 18, 2026 at 8:18 AM
MALCOLM: I… I don't want to see him!
AUBREY: Then don't look at him!
WARREN: Er… Nice to meet you.
MALCOLM: Go to hell, fucko!
AUBREY: Then don't look at him!
WARREN: Er… Nice to meet you.
MALCOLM: Go to hell, fucko!
PAMELA: Do you realise how much this sounds like an Alan Partridge bit?
CLIVE: I'm not Alan Partridge. I'm Jerry Maguire.
CLIVE: I'm not Alan Partridge. I'm Jerry Maguire.
January 18, 2026 at 7:44 AM
PAMELA: Do you realise how much this sounds like an Alan Partridge bit?
CLIVE: I'm not Alan Partridge. I'm Jerry Maguire.
CLIVE: I'm not Alan Partridge. I'm Jerry Maguire.
GORDON: The truth is I have to make a choice. To be a friend to you or not. I'm going to keep listening to your tapes. But I'm not going to find out what you did.
January 18, 2026 at 7:09 AM
GORDON: The truth is I have to make a choice. To be a friend to you or not. I'm going to keep listening to your tapes. But I'm not going to find out what you did.
PAMELA: I have to hand it to you, you really are the golden boy.
CLIVE: Damn right.
CLIVE: Damn right.
January 18, 2026 at 6:30 AM
PAMELA: I have to hand it to you, you really are the golden boy.
CLIVE: Damn right.
CLIVE: Damn right.
GORDON: How about some fresh air?"
January 18, 2026 at 5:53 AM
GORDON: How about some fresh air?"
GORDON: Ah. You're very special, Warren.
WARREN: Well, thank you.
WARREN: Well, thank you.
January 18, 2026 at 5:17 AM
GORDON: Ah. You're very special, Warren.
WARREN: Well, thank you.
WARREN: Well, thank you.
CLIVE: Okay, we probably shouldn't be throwing our dependency issues at each other before the biggest pitch meeting of our careers.
PAMELA: Of your career maybe. I'm just your glamorous assistant.
PAMELA: Of your career maybe. I'm just your glamorous assistant.
January 18, 2026 at 4:38 AM
CLIVE: Okay, we probably shouldn't be throwing our dependency issues at each other before the biggest pitch meeting of our careers.
PAMELA: Of your career maybe. I'm just your glamorous assistant.
PAMELA: Of your career maybe. I'm just your glamorous assistant.
THE RAIN CONTINUES WHILE NO ONE SPEAKS.
GORD: Would you like me to play the next recording?
WARREN: No. No, I can wait.
GORD: Would you like me to play the next recording?
WARREN: No. No, I can wait.
January 18, 2026 at 4:07 AM
THE RAIN CONTINUES WHILE NO ONE SPEAKS.
GORD: Would you like me to play the next recording?
WARREN: No. No, I can wait.
GORD: Would you like me to play the next recording?
WARREN: No. No, I can wait.
WARREN PUTS IN THE TAPE. IMMEDIATELY AN EAR-BLEEDING METAL TRACK PLAYS.
January 18, 2026 at 3:34 AM
WARREN PUTS IN THE TAPE. IMMEDIATELY AN EAR-BLEEDING METAL TRACK PLAYS.
WARREN: You're gonna be here, when I get out?
GORDON: Always am.
GORDON: Always am.
January 18, 2026 at 3:02 AM
WARREN: You're gonna be here, when I get out?
GORDON: Always am.
GORDON: Always am.
CLIVE: Yeah man. Look I've got to bounce, good talking with you. Doug was right, you're the next big thing! Let's get a drink or something soon.
WARREN: Oh, yeah, cool -
CLIVE: I'll email you. Peace.
WARREN: Oh, yeah, cool -
CLIVE: I'll email you. Peace.
January 18, 2026 at 2:25 AM
CLIVE: Yeah man. Look I've got to bounce, good talking with you. Doug was right, you're the next big thing! Let's get a drink or something soon.
WARREN: Oh, yeah, cool -
CLIVE: I'll email you. Peace.
WARREN: Oh, yeah, cool -
CLIVE: I'll email you. Peace.
GORDON: Warren. Do you...do you like going into hypersleep?
WARREN: I like being good at something.
WARREN: I like being good at something.
January 18, 2026 at 1:52 AM
GORDON: Warren. Do you...do you like going into hypersleep?
WARREN: I like being good at something.
WARREN: I like being good at something.
CLIVE: Bit like Titanic this, isn't it? When Rose's mum is sat on the lifeboat watching everyone, well you know... Watching it all happen.
PAMELA: Watching the boat sink and all the poor people drown?
AWKWARD SILENCE.
CLIVE: Eleven Oscars. Good movie.
PAMELA: Watching the boat sink and all the poor people drown?
AWKWARD SILENCE.
CLIVE: Eleven Oscars. Good movie.
January 18, 2026 at 1:14 AM
CLIVE: Bit like Titanic this, isn't it? When Rose's mum is sat on the lifeboat watching everyone, well you know... Watching it all happen.
PAMELA: Watching the boat sink and all the poor people drown?
AWKWARD SILENCE.
CLIVE: Eleven Oscars. Good movie.
PAMELA: Watching the boat sink and all the poor people drown?
AWKWARD SILENCE.
CLIVE: Eleven Oscars. Good movie.
AUBREY: This was never going to be easy. But I need you to trust me. We're doing everything we can for Gordon.
January 18, 2026 at 12:41 AM
AUBREY: This was never going to be easy. But I need you to trust me. We're doing everything we can for Gordon.
CLIVE: Warren fucking Godby! The man, the myth, the bellend!
January 18, 2026 at 12:06 AM
CLIVE: Warren fucking Godby! The man, the myth, the bellend!
REBECCA: As I've said, my father is unwell-
CLIVE: Your father would look at this file and laugh until he broke a tooth. His mind would open like a motherfucking flower to the possibilities it presented, it wouldn’t shrink in fear and doubt.,
CLIVE: Your father would look at this file and laugh until he broke a tooth. His mind would open like a motherfucking flower to the possibilities it presented, it wouldn’t shrink in fear and doubt.,
January 17, 2026 at 11:33 PM
REBECCA: As I've said, my father is unwell-
CLIVE: Your father would look at this file and laugh until he broke a tooth. His mind would open like a motherfucking flower to the possibilities it presented, it wouldn’t shrink in fear and doubt.,
CLIVE: Your father would look at this file and laugh until he broke a tooth. His mind would open like a motherfucking flower to the possibilities it presented, it wouldn’t shrink in fear and doubt.,
AMONGST THE CHAOS, MUSIC CAN BE HEARD BLASTING FROM SPEAKERS IN THE STREETS.
REBECCA: Wha… What's that noise?
CLIVE: It's music... metal.
REBECCA: Wha… What's that noise?
CLIVE: It's music... metal.
January 17, 2026 at 10:58 PM
AMONGST THE CHAOS, MUSIC CAN BE HEARD BLASTING FROM SPEAKERS IN THE STREETS.
REBECCA: Wha… What's that noise?
CLIVE: It's music... metal.
REBECCA: Wha… What's that noise?
CLIVE: It's music... metal.
AUBREY: Winnie the Pooh was a murderer.
January 17, 2026 at 10:21 PM
AUBREY: Winnie the Pooh was a murderer.
KAREN: Is this because of that guy you were talking to? Graham-
WARREN: Gordon Porlock.
KAREN: He sounds like a herbal remedy.
WARREN: Gordon Porlock.
KAREN: He sounds like a herbal remedy.
January 17, 2026 at 9:48 PM
KAREN: Is this because of that guy you were talking to? Graham-
WARREN: Gordon Porlock.
KAREN: He sounds like a herbal remedy.
WARREN: Gordon Porlock.
KAREN: He sounds like a herbal remedy.
FRONT OF HOUSE: Hello sir, do you have a booking?
CLIVE: Yep, I'm right over there with the electric blue power suit and boring drinks choices.
CLIVE: Yep, I'm right over there with the electric blue power suit and boring drinks choices.
January 17, 2026 at 9:10 PM
FRONT OF HOUSE: Hello sir, do you have a booking?
CLIVE: Yep, I'm right over there with the electric blue power suit and boring drinks choices.
CLIVE: Yep, I'm right over there with the electric blue power suit and boring drinks choices.
GORDON: Did you listen to it?
WARREN: Hello?
GORDON: Did you listen to the tape?
WARREN: Gordon.
GORDON: No, I'm the other guy you met yesterday who put his balls on the line sending recordings of highly sensitive material to your house.,
WARREN: Hello?
GORDON: Did you listen to the tape?
WARREN: Gordon.
GORDON: No, I'm the other guy you met yesterday who put his balls on the line sending recordings of highly sensitive material to your house.,
January 17, 2026 at 8:35 PM
GORDON: Did you listen to it?
WARREN: Hello?
GORDON: Did you listen to the tape?
WARREN: Gordon.
GORDON: No, I'm the other guy you met yesterday who put his balls on the line sending recordings of highly sensitive material to your house.,
WARREN: Hello?
GORDON: Did you listen to the tape?
WARREN: Gordon.
GORDON: No, I'm the other guy you met yesterday who put his balls on the line sending recordings of highly sensitive material to your house.,
WARREN: The hardcore doors in the lab, so God forbid anything breaks or gets airborne or could escape containment, these are the fastest closing doors known to man. Like the doors on the Death Star.
GORDON: Oh… I think I know how this ends.
GORDON: Oh… I think I know how this ends.
January 17, 2026 at 7:55 PM
WARREN: The hardcore doors in the lab, so God forbid anything breaks or gets airborne or could escape containment, these are the fastest closing doors known to man. Like the doors on the Death Star.
GORDON: Oh… I think I know how this ends.
GORDON: Oh… I think I know how this ends.
WARREN: Yep… I just want to take a moment to say that this is the most Gordon Porlock thing that has ever happened.
January 17, 2026 at 7:19 PM
WARREN: Yep… I just want to take a moment to say that this is the most Gordon Porlock thing that has ever happened.