Rebecca T. Kaplan
@rebeccatkaplan.bsky.social
Awkward standup comedy. @rebeccatkaplan on everything. Live show at Young Ethel's in Brooklyn every third Sunday at 8 pm.
I think we all need to admit that when we tell friends “I’m ok” we really mean “I’m not going to kill myself”
November 23, 2025 at 11:41 AM
I think we all need to admit that when we tell friends “I’m ok” we really mean “I’m not going to kill myself”
Every time I open the compost one large insect flies out immediately like “Thank you mistress I was born in that dark cave and I thought I would live and die my whole life inside these walls but now you’ve freed me.”
November 11, 2025 at 7:53 PM
Every time I open the compost one large insect flies out immediately like “Thank you mistress I was born in that dark cave and I thought I would live and die my whole life inside these walls but now you’ve freed me.”
My friend and I were up all night ranking the datability of ten men who don’t want to fuck us
October 6, 2025 at 5:30 PM
My friend and I were up all night ranking the datability of ten men who don’t want to fuck us
Reposted by Rebecca T. Kaplan
Coming in December: Kurt Luchs' TRIBUTARIES, an anthology of favorite poems with accompanying essays and poems written in response. Preorder at @asterismbooks.bsky.social: https://asterismbooks.com/product/tributaries-essays-verses-flowing-from-celebrating-favorite-poems-kurt-luchs
September 16, 2025 at 3:31 PM
Coming in December: Kurt Luchs' TRIBUTARIES, an anthology of favorite poems with accompanying essays and poems written in response. Preorder at @asterismbooks.bsky.social: https://asterismbooks.com/product/tributaries-essays-verses-flowing-from-celebrating-favorite-poems-kurt-luchs
Reposted by Rebecca T. Kaplan
This Saturday, in Brooklyn, I'm hosting *7 7* again! Comedy from @kathbarbadoro.bsky.social and @rebeccatkaplan.bsky.social, reading from @leahreich.com local voting info from @thetimhunter.bsky.social music from @chrismcintyre.bsky.social and more! (more fun than the flyer suggests.) See alt text.
September 25, 2025 at 6:43 PM
This Saturday, in Brooklyn, I'm hosting *7 7* again! Comedy from @kathbarbadoro.bsky.social and @rebeccatkaplan.bsky.social, reading from @leahreich.com local voting info from @thetimhunter.bsky.social music from @chrismcintyre.bsky.social and more! (more fun than the flyer suggests.) See alt text.
I have a lot of judgmental energy right now. Does anyone have a child I can scold?
September 16, 2025 at 7:26 PM
I have a lot of judgmental energy right now. Does anyone have a child I can scold?
You know what they say- sticks and stones will break my bones, but calling me a “talentless hack” really does nothing for me, try being a little more specific
September 15, 2025 at 8:51 PM
You know what they say- sticks and stones will break my bones, but calling me a “talentless hack” really does nothing for me, try being a little more specific
A man who used to explain random things on my posts immediately blocked me when I suggested he might be wrong about something. Sometimes the trash throws itself out
September 11, 2025 at 6:01 PM
A man who used to explain random things on my posts immediately blocked me when I suggested he might be wrong about something. Sometimes the trash throws itself out
Was this a bad time to invest all my money in pogs?
September 9, 2025 at 6:18 PM
Was this a bad time to invest all my money in pogs?
Native New Yorkers don’t drive drunk, we vomit on the subway
September 9, 2025 at 2:11 AM
Native New Yorkers don’t drive drunk, we vomit on the subway
I don't know why people post hot pics to make their exes jealous. Post a gnarly pic of yourself and make them go "ick, I stuck my dick in that?" Truly the best revenge
September 7, 2025 at 6:43 PM
I don't know why people post hot pics to make their exes jealous. Post a gnarly pic of yourself and make them go "ick, I stuck my dick in that?" Truly the best revenge
Will you still need me?
Will you still feed me?
America: NO.
Will you still feed me?
America: NO.
September 6, 2025 at 4:57 PM
Will you still need me?
Will you still feed me?
America: NO.
Will you still feed me?
America: NO.
Boomers: they don’t teach kids these days penmanship
Millennials: they don’t teach kids these days typing
Millennials: they don’t teach kids these days typing
September 5, 2025 at 4:02 PM
Boomers: they don’t teach kids these days penmanship
Millennials: they don’t teach kids these days typing
Millennials: they don’t teach kids these days typing
Dentist: Only floss between the teeth you want to keep
Me: Cool but how do I get inside his mouth?
Me: Cool but how do I get inside his mouth?
September 4, 2025 at 7:16 PM
Dentist: Only floss between the teeth you want to keep
Me: Cool but how do I get inside his mouth?
Me: Cool but how do I get inside his mouth?
Me: I just know I’m going to meet him online one day
Friend: your husband?
Me: my murderer ❤️
Friend: your husband?
Me: my murderer ❤️
August 28, 2025 at 8:08 PM
Me: I just know I’m going to meet him online one day
Friend: your husband?
Me: my murderer ❤️
Friend: your husband?
Me: my murderer ❤️
I just flipped out because I put water in my coffee when I meant to add soy milk but then I realized it's basically the same thing
August 27, 2025 at 5:26 PM
I just flipped out because I put water in my coffee when I meant to add soy milk but then I realized it's basically the same thing
Do sugar babies have to spend all their money on Sour Patch Kids or can they eat adult candy too?
August 26, 2025 at 6:18 PM
Do sugar babies have to spend all their money on Sour Patch Kids or can they eat adult candy too?
Once I made a Trump supporter buy me a fancy vegan dinner and skewered him for his political beliefs until he admitted he was wrong. I’ve never felt more empowered as a woman
August 25, 2025 at 8:29 PM
Once I made a Trump supporter buy me a fancy vegan dinner and skewered him for his political beliefs until he admitted he was wrong. I’ve never felt more empowered as a woman
Here's a trick: if you start a podcast you can get almost anyone to talk to you. (PS I would like to do your podcast ❤️)
August 24, 2025 at 5:16 PM
Here's a trick: if you start a podcast you can get almost anyone to talk to you. (PS I would like to do your podcast ❤️)
If no one’s ever described your personality as “scary” you’re not going to make it in comedy
August 23, 2025 at 2:24 AM
If no one’s ever described your personality as “scary” you’re not going to make it in comedy
I don't "get high," I "worry about the side effects of marijuana"
August 21, 2025 at 5:44 PM
I don't "get high," I "worry about the side effects of marijuana"
a watched post never virals
August 21, 2025 at 4:59 AM
a watched post never virals
You’re not supposed to kill spiders because they eat insects. You’re not supposed to kill cockroaches because they eat spiders. You’re not supposed to kill centipedes because they eat cockroaches. Where does it end?
August 20, 2025 at 5:41 PM
You’re not supposed to kill spiders because they eat insects. You’re not supposed to kill cockroaches because they eat spiders. You’re not supposed to kill centipedes because they eat cockroaches. Where does it end?
I don't kid, I goat
August 19, 2025 at 7:35 PM
I don't kid, I goat
Knock knock
Who’s there?
It's me, comparison! Imma steal all your joy
Who’s there?
It's me, comparison! Imma steal all your joy
August 10, 2025 at 11:56 PM
Knock knock
Who’s there?
It's me, comparison! Imma steal all your joy
Who’s there?
It's me, comparison! Imma steal all your joy