Matt Keeley
@reallymattkeeley.bsky.social
They call me Keelz. Mr. Tall, Dork, and Handsome
Women hold toddlers in dating profile pictures like men do with fish
May 11, 2025 at 11:02 PM
Women hold toddlers in dating profile pictures like men do with fish
Prince Rupert’s Titty Drop
May 7, 2025 at 2:34 PM
Prince Rupert’s Titty Drop
If you want to crack down on child grooming, may I point you to Christian homeschooling organizations?
April 14, 2025 at 2:53 PM
If you want to crack down on child grooming, may I point you to Christian homeschooling organizations?
Nicknaming every department head his Czar doesn’t really help with the whole “not a Russian asset” story
April 3, 2025 at 10:05 PM
Nicknaming every department head his Czar doesn’t really help with the whole “not a Russian asset” story
Corporate April Fools jokes be like, “Our customers are not the most valued, appreciated, and respected people in the world tee hee 👉👈”
April 1, 2025 at 3:05 PM
Corporate April Fools jokes be like, “Our customers are not the most valued, appreciated, and respected people in the world tee hee 👉👈”
For the optimists, I try to remember that historic precedence usually shows the forces of bigotry and regression push back the hardest right before the biggest advances occur
February 8, 2025 at 6:26 PM
For the optimists, I try to remember that historic precedence usually shows the forces of bigotry and regression push back the hardest right before the biggest advances occur
I’ve been working on improving my credit score, and it’s so rewarding to see. All of my cards have Outstanding Balance
February 7, 2025 at 3:09 PM
I’ve been working on improving my credit score, and it’s so rewarding to see. All of my cards have Outstanding Balance
I overheard someone talking about being a member of a youth peer support network, or YPS, and I swear all I heard was WIPEY ASS
February 1, 2025 at 1:08 AM
I overheard someone talking about being a member of a youth peer support network, or YPS, and I swear all I heard was WIPEY ASS
Ctrl + F “minorities” replace with “DEI”
Donold is blaming a plane crash that killed 67 people on “DEI” with zero evidence.
He is attempting to use racism to deflect from the fact it is HIS fault. He had just removed 100 FAA senior officials.
It’s been 11 days and there are 67 bodies in the Potomac in Washington DC because of him.
He is attempting to use racism to deflect from the fact it is HIS fault. He had just removed 100 FAA senior officials.
It’s been 11 days and there are 67 bodies in the Potomac in Washington DC because of him.
January 30, 2025 at 9:16 PM
Ctrl + F “minorities” replace with “DEI”
‘Member how the Republican Party gleefully started using Laken Riley once they could frame her murder to advance their political agenda? I feel like that same policy argument can apply to the Reagan Airport collision, but yanno with a commercial airplane’s worth of preventable deaths.
January 30, 2025 at 3:16 PM
‘Member how the Republican Party gleefully started using Laken Riley once they could frame her murder to advance their political agenda? I feel like that same policy argument can apply to the Reagan Airport collision, but yanno with a commercial airplane’s worth of preventable deaths.
Q: How many illegal presidential actions does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Sorry, it’s not illegal if the president does it
A: Sorry, it’s not illegal if the president does it
January 28, 2025 at 7:41 PM
Q: How many illegal presidential actions does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Sorry, it’s not illegal if the president does it
A: Sorry, it’s not illegal if the president does it
Getting involved in hobbyist stock trading has instilled in me that the wealthy ghouls who run the world have an active incentive to wreck the economy every few years to buy up cheap commodities
January 26, 2025 at 11:30 PM
Getting involved in hobbyist stock trading has instilled in me that the wealthy ghouls who run the world have an active incentive to wreck the economy every few years to buy up cheap commodities
For so many of these ghoulish policies, the cruelty is the point. It’s the culmination of decades of no clear political vision other than to make the opposition upset. To them, it’s a zero-sum game where someone has to suffer, so it better be someone else.
January 25, 2025 at 3:54 PM
For so many of these ghoulish policies, the cruelty is the point. It’s the culmination of decades of no clear political vision other than to make the opposition upset. To them, it’s a zero-sum game where someone has to suffer, so it better be someone else.
They turned geography into Freedom Fries
The Interior Dept, now under Trump, announces it is "working expeditiously" to rename the Gulf of Mexico to the "Gulf of America" and Denali to "Mount McKinley."
The dept is now updating these names in the Geographic Names Information System "effective immediately."
The dept is now updating these names in the Geographic Names Information System "effective immediately."
January 25, 2025 at 12:39 AM
They turned geography into Freedom Fries
It isn’t truly a cover of Happy Xmas (War is Over) without the out of tune children’s choir
December 26, 2024 at 7:44 PM
It isn’t truly a cover of Happy Xmas (War is Over) without the out of tune children’s choir
Me: I should do my part and try to listen to some contemporary musicians to stay in touch.
Pulls up Dave Blunts
*homophobic lyrics in the first three songs right away
*average song length 1:37
*somehow autotuned and still off-key
Pulls up Dave Blunts
*homophobic lyrics in the first three songs right away
*average song length 1:37
*somehow autotuned and still off-key
December 19, 2024 at 4:45 PM
Me: I should do my part and try to listen to some contemporary musicians to stay in touch.
Pulls up Dave Blunts
*homophobic lyrics in the first three songs right away
*average song length 1:37
*somehow autotuned and still off-key
Pulls up Dave Blunts
*homophobic lyrics in the first three songs right away
*average song length 1:37
*somehow autotuned and still off-key
Reposted by Matt Keeley
mantis shrimp
mantis shrimp
not a mantis or a shrimp
is he strong?
rocket punch
eats a crab
for his lunch
look out!
here comes the mantis shrimp
mantis shrimp
not a mantis or a shrimp
is he strong?
rocket punch
eats a crab
for his lunch
look out!
here comes the mantis shrimp
December 1, 2024 at 3:38 PM
mantis shrimp
mantis shrimp
not a mantis or a shrimp
is he strong?
rocket punch
eats a crab
for his lunch
look out!
here comes the mantis shrimp
mantis shrimp
not a mantis or a shrimp
is he strong?
rocket punch
eats a crab
for his lunch
look out!
here comes the mantis shrimp
Pro: got the first non-equity signup slot and was in the first group in the room!
Con: 6am wake-up brain got me
Con: 6am wake-up brain got me
a young man is standing with his arms crossed and smiling while wearing a hoodie and a white shirt .
ALT: a young man is standing with his arms crossed and smiling while wearing a hoodie and a white shirt .
media.tenor.com
November 26, 2024 at 3:37 PM
Pro: got the first non-equity signup slot and was in the first group in the room!
Con: 6am wake-up brain got me
Con: 6am wake-up brain got me
Reposted by Matt Keeley
HOLLYWOOD UPDATE: The Winner of This Weekend’s Box Office is… AVENUE Q?
November 24, 2024 at 6:00 PM
HOLLYWOOD UPDATE: The Winner of This Weekend’s Box Office is… AVENUE Q?
Oooh sorry I can’t go out, I’ve still got to sit and dissociate for three hours
November 23, 2024 at 11:20 PM
Oooh sorry I can’t go out, I’ve still got to sit and dissociate for three hours
THREAD: I’ve been getting an uptick of spam calls the past week, so when I got one this afternoon I answered hoping to tell off the person on the other end. Here’s how it went
November 22, 2024 at 8:49 PM
THREAD: I’ve been getting an uptick of spam calls the past week, so when I got one this afternoon I answered hoping to tell off the person on the other end. Here’s how it went
People You May Know recommendations be like, hey remember that promising date who ghosted you? You wanna be friends now?
November 20, 2024 at 10:39 PM
People You May Know recommendations be like, hey remember that promising date who ghosted you? You wanna be friends now?
You gonna eat them post-show Libretto eraser shavings or nah
November 18, 2024 at 11:48 PM
You gonna eat them post-show Libretto eraser shavings or nah
I love watching The Boys, but I would expect them to at least share a recipe for all the time they mention soups.
November 17, 2024 at 3:26 AM
I love watching The Boys, but I would expect them to at least share a recipe for all the time they mention soups.
Reposted by Matt Keeley
“Macavity’s Not There!” Exclaims Theatre Kid During Visit to the Dentist bit.ly/3O3sffD
November 12, 2024 at 6:11 PM
“Macavity’s Not There!” Exclaims Theatre Kid During Visit to the Dentist bit.ly/3O3sffD