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Dinosaur Comics!
@qwantz.com
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qwantz.com
behold! a vision into a dystopian world in which one might look down on Gamers

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T-Rex: Guess what, cats and kittens! I SOME PERSONAL NEWS FOR YOU! T-Rex: This guy, your friend T-Rex... T-Rex: ...spent the WHOLE WEEKEND playing VIDEO GAMES!! Dromiceiomimus: Oh T-Rex, I'm so pleased! Congratulations! You must be so happy! T-Rex: Thank you! It means a lot, Dromiceiomimus. And I am! I'm VERY happy. Utahraptor: Let me add my congrats to the pile, T-Rex! Well done. Proud to be your friend, bud. T-Rex: Thanks, friend! T-Rex: Yes, things certainly changed for the better when we realized that being able to spend the whole weekend playing video games REQUIRES a life that's SUPER pulled together - and thus is really a CELEBRATION of success rather than anything lazy or wasteful! Utahraptor: And how! T-Rex: Of course, if even ONE slacker ever played video games instead of doing the things that REALLY needed doing in their life, that would RUIN this conception. Off panel: And society as a whole. T-Rex: AND society as a whole!!
November 10, 2025 at 1:15 PM
qwantz.com
just casually tossing out "vampires but for other bodily fluids" like it won't revolutionize at least three distinct genres

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T-Rex: It's time for... Narrator: THREE STORIES THAT ALWAYS WORK T-Rex: Story one: a character who up to this point has been very serious and lives in a very serious universe wakes up and discovers that they have been shrunk down to Tiny size and needs to alert everyone that they are now Tiny, but nobody can hear him, and when they do they hear him in a really adorable high-pitched voice. Dromiceiomimus: Perfect story, everyone loves it. Utahraptor: Story two: enemies to lovers to activist investors to nodding acquaintances to lovers again. T-Rex: Tale as old as time! T-Rex: Story three: werewolves but with other animals, vampires but with other bodily fluids, ghosts but with other species, and Frankensteins but with dogs. Utahraptor: I would love a Frankenstein dog! T-Rex: EVERYONE WOULD! T-Rex: If you are an author who is stuck, give your character a dog who is a Frankenstein, and I promise your story just got 10 times more interesting. T-Rex: Fun fact! Why this is NOT done more often is one of the great enduring mysteries in the liberal arts!!
November 7, 2025 at 12:46 PM
qwantz.com
utahraptor! i know this will only hurt me after I'm dead, and yet somehow, I think it's hurting me right now???

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T-Rex: When I die, suppose they want to make a documentary film about my life? But then suppose there's not enough resources, or documents, or film clips... T-Rex: ...and so they bail on the whole project?? T-Rex: This is why I'm determined to leave as many documents and film clips of my life as I can! T-Rex: I want the first thought after "I should make a documentary about that cool dude T-Rex" to be "Oh sweet, this will be easy, so I will definitely do that previous idea I just had." Utahraptor: So you're going to live your entire life in service of your death? T-Rex: Only a little! Utahraptor: Hmm. I think if I were a filmmaker, I wouldn't just use the mega-biased sources you left behind for post-death aggrandizement. In fact, I'd probably look to see what others who knew you best thought about you. Utahraptor: ...Which reminds me: I need to go write some things down. T-Rex: Wait, good things?? Off panel: You'll find out after you're dead! T-Rex: NO I WON'T!!
November 6, 2025 at 1:48 PM
qwantz.com
you can't say you'd get used to them because they're giant skeletons with angry eyes!! and if that doesn't convince you, maybe i can remind you that these are giant DINOSAUR skeletons?? check and mate

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T-Rex: It took us DECADES to develop the technology to have giant plastic skeletons in our front yard for Hallowe'en. T-Rex: But, now that we have it... T-Rex: ...what are we going to do with it? Dromiceiomimus: I mean - decorate our yards with giant plastic Hallowe'en skeletons, presumably. T-Rex: No, see, the first use of any new technology is to emulate the old ones - taking plastic skeletons and making them bigger. That's where we STARTED. Utahraptor: But where will we END? T-Rex: Exactly!! T-Rex: 100 years from now, what will this technology of LARGER-THAN-LIFE WEATHERPROOF SCULPTURE be used for, beyond spooky skeletons? Utahraptor: Perhaps... giant plastic signs? For when trucks keep hitting a low bridge, for example. T-Rex: I love it!! Narrator: BUT THEN, FIELD TRIALS DEMONSTRATE THAT GIANT SKELETONS HOLDING A "LOW BRIDGE" SIGN ARE EVEN MORE EFFECTIVE: T-Rex: Huh! T-Rex: Got it in one, I guess
November 3, 2025 at 1:09 PM
qwantz.com
are we to shorten it even further, to "Halloween", without the apostrophe? no, you'll pry that contraction marker from my cold dead hands... which is, at least, on theme

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T-Rex: I have an idea for the spookiest night of the year! We shall call it... T-Rex: ...THE DAY BEFORE ALL SAINTS' DAY! God: NAME COULD USE SOME WORK T-REX T-Rex: Fine! T-Rex: Seeing as I am unable OR UNWILLING to move it from the day before the day Western Christians honour EVERY ONE of the hallowed saints of their church, what if we call it... "The Evening Before The Solemnity of All Saints"? God: AGAIN THAT DOESN'T REALLY SAY SPOOKY TO ME T-Rex: Well if that's the case, I don't know what will!! Utahraptor: "The Night Before All Hallows Day"? T-Rex: "All Hallows' Evening"? Utahraptor: Oooh, I think we're getting close. What we make more and more of the name optional, turning "All Hallows' Evening" to "(All) Hallow(s') E(v)en(ing)"? T-Rex: "Hallowe'en"? Hmm. I like it!! And we can go door-to-door getting CANDY! God: ALSO YOU CAN GO BOBBING FOR APPLES WHICH IS A FUN WAY TO GET YOUR FACE WET WHILE BITING AN APPLE OTHERS HAVE TRIED TO BITE FIRST T-Rex: I think that part's less important but sure
October 31, 2025 at 1:02 PM
qwantz.com
this is why true pros go on "hikes", which are walks in wilderness areas where there aren't any stores so you can't buy ANYTHING and can also sometimes DIE

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T-Rex: Okay - time to go for a nice walk! T-Rex: And maybe I'll stick my head in some shops along the way?? Narrator: LATER: Dromiceiomimus: Hey, how's that walk going, T-Rex? T-Rex: I realized it wasn't a walk at all! It was a shopping trip that I just did on foot. I pranked myself! T-Rex: But now, Dromiceiomimus, I am going on a REAL walk. NO COMMERCE, baby!! Narrator: BUT THEN: T-Rex: Dang it, I got some food! Utahraptor: What's up? T-Rex: I'm trying to enjoy a nice walk but INSTEAD, I keep buying things! Have I ever ACTUALLY gone for a walk without buying ANYTHING? Utahraptor: Only you can answer that. T-Rex: Well, I'm starting now!! Narrator: LATER, AT EVEREST BASE CAMP: T-Rex: Wow, NOBODY here knows about the Everest Eliminator, the mysterious being secretly responsible for all so-called "mountaineering accidents" up on the peak?? Off panel: Who ARE you
October 29, 2025 at 12:04 PM
qwantz.com
okay teeth are probably worth it but COME ON

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T-Rex: Ah yes, time for a nice cup of tea. God: TEA STAINS YOUR TEETH T-REX T-Rex: What?! T-Rex: Is God a DENTIST now?? God: I MEAN I'M THE ALPHA AND THE OMEGA THE BEGINNING AND THE END AND SOMEWHERE BETWEEN THOSE TWO POINTS ARE DENTISTS SO YEAH T-Rex: Okay, well, instead of tea I'll just have some stupid coffee. Is THAT okay? God: COFFEE ALSO STAINS YOUR TEETH T-REX T-Rex: Dang it!! Utahraptor: What's up, bud? T-Rex: Oh, God's a dentist now. Utahraptor: Oof. T-Rex: Right? EVERYTHING I propose to use my teeth for, HE'S against. What if I drink coffee or tea, AND alternate each sip with a rinse of water to prevent staining, AND brush my teeth immediately afterwards? Utahraptor: No-one could object to that! God: WELL ACTUALLY YOU SHOULD WAIT AT LEAST HALF AN HOUR BEFORE BRUSHING AFTER FOOD SINCE ACIDS IN MANY FOODS CAN SOFTEN YOUR ENAMEL T-Rex: TEETH T-Rex: are BARELY WORTH IT
October 27, 2025 at 12:36 PM
qwantz.com
anyway bottom line is i do NOT have experience with successfully getting away with charismatic high-profile heists, so let's all look into someone else before even CONSIDERING me

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T-Rex: Let's say I go and visit, oh, I don't know, THE LOUVRE - T-Rex: - home of the greatest treasures of European art and culture! - T-Rex: - and then, PURELY FOR THE SAKE OF ARGUMENT, there's a super successful heist two days later and they steal the exact gemeralds I took a bunch of photos of. AM I A SUSPECT? Dromiceiomimus: Were you casing the joint? T-Rex: No, I was being a normal tourist doing normal things for normal reasons! But that's just it - being a normal tourist guy is INDISTINGUISHABLE from casing the joint! Utahraptor: Well, you weren't around for the crime itself, right? T-Rex: Not even on the same continent! T-Rex: But I'll tell you this much: if I WERE going to steal jewels, then I would totally recruit a tourist to case the joint, and then, once they left the country, use their intel to pull off my heist. Utahraptor: Huh. Yeah, that does sound good. That's a good plan! Off panel: If you're so innocent, why are you making yourself seem a VIABLE SUSPECT, T-Rex? T-Rex: And now I'm naturally curious how one would go about fencing world-famous crown jewels, but with only a normal amount of curiosity! T-Rex: ONLY THE AMOUNT THAT LEAVES ME INNOCENT, I SWEAR!
October 24, 2025 at 12:40 PM
qwantz.com
Timmy is BACK and ALMOST ON SCHEDULE

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T-Rex: One day little Timmy got a THIRD wish from a genie. But we don't care about him anymore because his wish was that all countries got turned into real live women! T-Rex: Hah hah! Timmy, you're out of control! T-Rex: Anyway, the women that resulted were all precisely what you'd expect: ladies that dressed like and reflected the popular conception of a country. You don't need me for this; you can all imagine it. Dromiceiomimus: Were there some surprises? T-Rex: YES, mainly in the fact that ALL NATIONS WERE NOW WOMEN?? T-Rex: And as most nations claim both the air above them AND the ground beneath them as their territory... Utahraptor: Oh no! T-Rex: OH YES - that transformed TOO! Suddenly the air above nations was GONE - turned into a woman! - along with the ground beneath them and the seas off their borders. CATACLYSM arrived as Earth's core burst out of colossal holes in the crust, killing everyone save Timmy and the women. Off panel: That's a big ending, T-Rex. T-Rex: It's not just that - it's also the beginning of my NEW story, called "Little Timmy and Two Hundred Or So Country Women on PLANET APOCALYPSE." T-Rex: It's WAY more interesting and I really should've started with it, but OH WELL!!
October 22, 2025 at 12:44 PM
qwantz.com
throw in a killer robot, a mamma's boy, and a sprinkle of mean girls, and we are in BUSINESS

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T-Rex: My new story is about an absent-minded professor, whose life is fine... T-Rex: ...until a wacky, ANNOYING neighbour moves in next door! T-Rex: Of course, things don't end there - ESPECIALLY when the absent-minded professor's gay best friend enters the scene! And who could forget bad boy bounty hunter who lives next door (the other way next door I mean) and his wacky and outgoing theatre-kid nephew? Utahraptor: Dude, you've GOT to try harder. T-Rex: Explain! Utahraptor: Every one of these people is a stock character! EVERY ONE, T-Rex. What's next, a sleazy lawyer? A stripper with a heart of gold? An old drunk redneck who's secretly a MARTIAL ARTS MASTER?? T-Rex: Okay, point taken, but that last one is actually pretty cool. Off panel: Ah-HA! That last one was a trap: I merely combined the "redneck", "town drunk", and "elderly martial arts master" stereotypes into one person! T-Rex: DAMN!!
October 15, 2025 at 11:50 AM
qwantz.com
my new calendar presupposes earth's orbit has been adjusted from the old style (the planet taking a full 365.2422 days to complete a single orbit around sun) to the new style (a comfortable yet zippy 7)

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T-Rex: We've got a calendar with some months of 30 days, some of 31, and one of 28 - and sometimes 29?? And "December" is the TWELTH month, despite having "ten" right there in its name? T-Rex: WHAT are we DOING? Dromiceiomimus: What we're doing, T-Rex, is not messing with calendar reform, because it's only been successfully done a handful of times in history, and the last time we did it with ANY success was in 1582 with the Gregorian calendar, and that took a whole-ass POPE to pull it off!! T-Rex: Not even a half-ass pope? Dromiceiomimus: NOT EVEN! Utahraptor: And even THAT'S a lie because it still took HUNDREDS of years for everyone to get on board! T-Rex: Hmm. T-Rex: So what I'm hearing is, change needs to be FORCED. Thus, if we - and by "we" I mean "I" - ALTERED Earth's orbit, then all current calendars would be INVALID, and people would be eager for my new calendar! Utahraptor: Hold up - how are you going to alter Earth's orbit?? Off panel: ...I'm serious, I want to know! Off panel: You can't just stand there motionless and think I'll walk away. I won't do it, T-Rex!! Off panel: JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU INTEND TO DO AND HOW YOU INTEND TO DO IT
October 13, 2025 at 12:05 PM
qwantz.com
*scarf* it's for science, so i can *om nom nom* like them a NORMAL AMOUNT

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T-Rex: I just had a butter tart... T-Rex: ...and it was REALLY good! Dromiceiomimus: Hell yeah! That's the nature of butter tarts, T-Rex! T-Rex: No, no, you don't understand - it was EASILY 75% better than any other butter tart I'd ever had! It had raspberries and coconut in it, and somehow - SOMEHOW - this elevated the whole deal to an entirely new level of BLISS. Utahraptor: You sound like you're angry about it. T-Rex: I am angry about it!! T-Rex: Utahraptor, every NORMAL butter tart I have from now on will NEVER BE AS GOOD. This one Fancy Tart ruined me for all others, giving one moment of sublime bliss in exchange for a lifetime of small disappointments to come. NOBODY HAS WON HERE - least of all me! Off panel: Solution is obvious: gorge yourself on Fancy Tarts until you can't stand them anymore. T-Rex: Of course! Once again, science says I must eat butter tarts till I puke! T-Rex: *sigh* T-Rex: AND ONCE AGAIN I SHALL
October 10, 2025 at 12:08 PM
qwantz.com
IT'S LIKE SENDING A LINK, BUT MORE WORK

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T-Rex: UTAHRAPTOR! I have exciting news! T-Rex: Utahraptor! Where ARE you? T-Rex: Have you seen Utahraptor? I have - Dromiceiomimus: - exciting news, yes, I know. On account of how you've been hollering his name everywhere! Dromiceiomimus: I think I saw him back the way you came. T-Rex: UUUUUTAHRAPTOR! Utahraptor: Yes, T-Rex? T-Rex: GAH! T-Rex: Utahraptor, there you are! I have EXCITING news! Utahraptor: What is it?! T-Rex: Guess what...! Narrator: THIS PANEL INTENTIONALLY LEFT BLANK SO YOU CAN ADD IN A RECENT NEWS HEADLINE OF YOUR CHOOSING, AND THEN SEND IT TO SOMEONE WHO YOU WANT TO BE AWARE OF THAT RECENT NEWS HEADLINE
October 8, 2025 at 12:49 PM
qwantz.com
the best unpopular opinions make everyone mad but nobody hurt: a truly victimless crime

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Narrator: T-REX SHARES HIS MOST UNPOPULAR OPINION: T-Rex: I think the cave paintings are pretty crappy! T-Rex: I'm sorry, but it's true! T-Rex: Their use of perspective is nonexistent, and sense of place is sketchy AT BEST!! Dromiceiomimus: Of COURSE they don't have good perspective: that hadn't been invented yet! They're CAVE PAINTINGS, T-Rex! T-Rex: I just think they could've tried harder to make good art, you know? Dromiceiomimus: THEY WERE LITERAL CAVE PEOPLE WHO HADN'T YET INVENTED PAINT! They were trying harder than any previous cave people in history!! T-Rex: I hear you, and I respect you, but you have to admit: they're HELLA amateurish. Utahraptor: What?! Utahraptor: Of course CAVE PAINTINGS are amateurish! They're done by people who haven't even invented HAVING JOBS yet, much less the job of PROFESSIONAL ARTIST! The WHOLE WORLD was amateurs!! T-Rex: I'm just saying - they could be better. I could do WAY better, no problem. Off panel: You have the benefit of literally THOUSANDS OF YEARS of EDUCATION and KNOWLEDGE and TECHNOLOGY!! T-Rex: YES! And you know what those thousands of years of education, knowledge, and technology tell me?? T-Rex: These guys SUCKED
October 6, 2025 at 11:44 AM
qwantz.com
utahraptor pay a guy to fix it. utahraptor you have to pay a guy when you mess up real bad

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T-Rex: I replaced a deadbolt on my front door and it was actually really easy! T-Rex: Then I replaced the kitchen faucet and THAT was a breeze too! T-Rex: I spent YEARS thinking these things were hard, but it turns out - nope! There's a whole UNIVERSE of easy-to-accomplish things, and I had NO IDEA. T-Rex: THE END. Utahraptor: I tried to replace a bathroom faucet and it was a NIGHTMARE! T-Rex: Oh no! Utahraptor: Thing after thing went wrong! It was a nightmare from start to finish!! T-Rex: So: there's ALSO a universe of hard-to-accomplish things, and it is impossible to know which is which until you start doing them. T-Rex: Much to consider. T-Rex: Actually there wasn't THAT much to consider: the universe is a mystery and I'm out here exploring it!! Off panel: Same, only I'M doing it while at the same time having a broken bathroom faucet back at home! T-Rex: Neat!!
October 1, 2025 at 12:14 PM
qwantz.com
as the saying will soon go: in the land of the omni-blind, the double-blind man is king

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T-Rex: When given the choice of chocolate bars, you might ask yourself, "self, which of these is better"? There's only one way to find out... T-Rex: ...a taste test! Dromiceiomimus: Well, I know that in beer people are said to "drink the label", meaning they've to some extent already decided how much they like the beer before tasting it. We should do a BLIND taste test! Close your eyes before tasting the chocolate bars so you don't know which is which! Dromiceiomimus: Unless... the person feeding you the bars might unconsciously bias you too? Utahraptor: She's right! We have to do a DOUBLE-BLIND taste test, so NEITHER of us knows what you're eating until later! T-Rex: Huh! T-Rex: But suppose: later when we DO know, what if we go rogue and bias ourselves by sending that information BACK IN TIME into our own brains?? Utahraptor: DANG, that IS a credible scenario. T-Rex: Double-blind is not enough: we must invent and perform the OMNI-BLIND TASTE TEST! T-Rex: That's where the results are locked away until anyone with an interest in them is long dead! Off panel: Our gift to future generations: reliable knowledge that one guy DID, in fact, like almonds enrobed in a chocolatey coating. T-Rex: Um, SPOILERS??
September 29, 2025 at 12:56 PM
qwantz.com
We deserve and demand a special zone to be scrubbed clean in by patient machines, and I dare say it's criminal we are denied.

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T-Rex: I have a machine that washes my clothes... T-Rex: (I DO SOMETIMES CHOOSE TO WEAR THEM!) T-Rex: ...and I have a machine that washes my dishes... T-Rex: ...but why is there not a machine for the thing I wash EVEN MORE OFTEN?? I speak, of course, of my body! T-Rex: I WANT A BODY-WASHING MACHINE. T-Rex: I want to enter a DARK BOX and just SIT THERE whilst machines get me clean! T-Rex: And to be clear, I want nothing more than what we already grant dirty ware, both glass- and under-! Utahraptor: But - T-Rex: Let me just add: I know "wear" and "ware" are different words. But they SOUND the same! Utahraptor: That was my only concern. A flying car may be unreasonable, but a WET SUDS CHAMBER with NIMBLE, GENTLE, and GENEROUS robot arms is NOT. Narrator: MEANWHILE, IN A BETTER UNIVERSE: T-Rex: I come home exhausted and fell asleep in my wet cleaning box for EIGHT FULL HOURS! Off panel: What happened? T-Rex: I merely got SUPER extra clean! Off panel: Frig, I love this universe!!
September 26, 2025 at 12:34 PM
qwantz.com
when a story sounds THIS good, you have to say "oh shit"

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God: T-REX WHY DO YOU READ BOOKS T-Rex: Because I like stories! God: AND WHY DO YOU LIKE STORIES T-Rex: Cool things happen in them more often than real life! God: AND WHY DO YOU LIKE COOL THINGS T-Rex: They're better than bad things! Dromiceiomimus: What are? T-Rex: Cool things. Dromiceiomimus: Oh. Heck, no argument here! God: WHAT IF THERE WAS A STORY WHERE THE COOLEST THING EVER HAPPENED IN IT T-Rex: Then I'd read it! Utahraptor: Huh? Utahraptor: What's "it"? What would you read? T-Rex: A story where the coolest thing ever happens in it. Utahraptor: Oh shit, me too! Utahraptor: Sorry for saying "shit" but this story sounds so awesome!! God: LAST QUESTION T-REX DO YOU THINK A STORY WITH A SINGLE TALKING SNAKE WHO LIES ABOUT FRUIT IS THE COOLEST THING EVER T-Rex: ...No? God: AW DANG IT
September 24, 2025 at 1:11 PM
Reposted by Dinosaur Comics!
Here's the sticker on T-Rex's computer (10 minutes in Inkscape)
September 22, 2025 at 4:21 PM
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this comic brought to you by Dinosaur Comics brand dinosaur comics

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T-Rex: How many times am I advertised to in a single day? LET'S FIND OUT. Narrator: TWO MINUTES LATER: T-Rex: OH NO. T-Rex: Oh no!! T-Rex: Dromiceiomimus, LOGOS count as advertisements, and I'm SURROUNDED by them! I stepped outside and saw SIX of 'em! Dromiceiomimus: What, immediately? T-Rex: On cars! And on bikes and on clothes and on EVERY SINGLE GOOD SOLD THROUGH RETAIL?? Utahraptor: Damn, that's a lot of ads. T-Rex: It is, objectively, a lot of ads! T-Rex: Then I went back inside and suddenly noticed the logos on my TV, my FRIDGE - they're everywhere! We're SURROUNDED by the names and images of companies, and now that I've noticed it, I CAN'T UNSEE IT! I'm AWARE of the marketing around me and it's only made my life more irritating!! WHAT HAVE I DONE TO MYSELF? Narrator: LATER, T-REX NOTICES HIS COMPUTER HAS A STICKER ON IT SIMPLY TO DISPLAY THE LOGO OF THE COMPANY THAT MADE ITS PROCESSOR - A THING WHICH WOULD OTHERWISE BE INVISIBLE: T-Rex: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
September 22, 2025 at 2:19 PM
qwantz.com
"what you say with irony i say with sincerity" is a paraphrase of captain picard talking to q. but you are always allowed to paraphrase captain picard talking to q; it's always morally correct

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T-Rex: Time for me to spend some time doing my favourite hobby: learning... Off panel: Nice! T-Rex: ...about PLANE CRASHES! You didn't let me finish, Dromiceiomimus! Dromiceiomimus: You uh - you ENJOY learning about people dying, T-Rex? T-Rex: They don't ALWAYS die! Besides, what I'm really learning about is SAFETY and TECHNOLOGY. Every time a plane crashes we discover what went wrong and then change technology, training, AND/OR systems so that can't happen again! Utahraptor: I guess that could be reassuring! T-Rex: It IS!! T-Rex: The first crashes were all "Oh the wings SHOULD stay on, whoopsie, our bad" but today a whole SET of things all have to go wrong, IN PARALLEL, AND in some novel unforeseen way, for a crash to happen. Utahraptor: But - they still happen, dude. T-Rex: AND WE FIX 'EM!! T-Rex: We decided "no plane should ever crash again", and we've trying our level best to make that happen ever since, and that is BEAUTIFUL. Off panel: I'll think of that if I'm ever on a crashing plane. T-Rex: ME TOO!! What you say with irony I say with sincerity!
September 19, 2025 at 11:56 AM
qwantz.com
twinkle twinkle little star, i'll just wait

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T-Rex: When you look at the stars and planets, you're looking through a bunch of atmosphere that's moving around! T-Rex: This is why stars twinkle: the rapidly-changing refractive index of moving air! T-Rex: And yeah, it's pretty, but if you're trying to see space stuff in any detail, it suuuuuuucks. Dromiceiomimus: Eight letters u? T-Rex: Seven, but remarkably close - well done, Dromiceiomimus! Anyway, air moves and that means any photos you take will be all distorted in different ways. Utahraptor: The result is blurry pics! T-Rex: The result is SUPER blurry pics! T-Rex: But sometimes - by pure chance - the distortion is minimal, producing a LUCKY PIC. And eventually we were like, wait, if we took a TON of photos and threw out all but the lucky ones, we could average those to increase image quality! And now "lucky imaging" is a standard astronomical technique. T-Rex: In conclusion, LUCK is REAL and we use it to EXPLORE SPACE! Off panel: I feel bad for unlucky astronomers. T-Rex: I don't! T-Rex: Unlucky astronomers can stay the HECK away from my telescope, for legitimate science reasons!!
September 17, 2025 at 2:20 PM
qwantz.com
personally i love to chow down on what is effectively just a straight-up bowl of cottage cheese. yeah baby, hop in, we're going full Muffet on our cheesemaking byproducts tonight

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T-Rex: You are probably familiar with Little Miss Muffet, who, famously, sat on a tuffet - T-Rex: - don't worry about what a tuffet is right now - T-Rex: - eating her curds and whey! But are you familiar with others in the Little Miss Muffet expanded universe? Like Little Jack Horner, who sat in a corner, eating a Christmas pie! Dromiceiomimus: Little Poll Parrot, who sat in his garret, eating some toast and tea! T-Rex: Little Tom Tacket, who sat on his cracket - half a yard of cloth will make him a jacket! Utahraptor: These are all real?? T-Rex: There was a trend of making up stories about wee folks! Utahraptor: On or about things that rhyme with their last names, and the foods they were eating. Less often: the clothes they could be wearing, had they the proper supplies. T-Rex: And people say the past is boring! Could a culture that spent their time doing THIS ever be DULL?? God: T-REX IT'S FINALLY TIME TO WORRY ABOUT WHAT A TUFFET IS T-Rex: It's a version of "tuft", ie: a bit of grass or a small mound! God: OKAY PHEW
September 15, 2025 at 12:20 PM
qwantz.com
mistakes were made... or WERE they

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T-Rex: It's time for me to throw... T-Rex: ...THE ULTIMATE PARTY!! T-Rex: The ultimate party clearly lasts ALL DAY, has BANGING TUNES, and has SEVERAL tasty meats being roasted on a spit for the whole time. Dromiceiomimus: Hmm, I'm less into that last bit, plus I like some downtime. I think we might have different ideas of the ultimate party! T-Rex: *gasp* T-Rex: But if different people have different ideas of what the ultimate party is... Utahraptor: ...yes, T-Rex! Utahraptor: THEN THERE CAN BE NO ULTIMATE PARTY. There can only be the ultimate party for a subset of people - a party which, AT THE SAME TIME, others will find to be SUBultimate, or even - dare I say - MID?? T-Rex: Well frig. Looks like the answer is to give up on pleasing others and to please only myself!! Narrator: LATER: T-Rex: I need some friends to help me eat all these rotisserie chickens, and pork, and lamb. T-Rex: ... T-Rex: ...or DO I???
September 10, 2025 at 11:57 AM
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EASY SOLUTION: age the baby up and give them a job at sea. it'll be like taking candy from a matey

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T-Rex: Sherlock Holmes scoffed - this latest case was his easiest yet! T-Rex: It was so easy, it was like taking candy from a baby! T-Rex: Only in reverse, since Sherlock wasn't a criminal. So I guess it was like GIVING candy to a baby? Dromiceiomimus: Wait - that WOULD be even easier than stealing it from a baby! Why don't we say that instead? Dromiceiomimus: Wait, why is STEALING FOOD FROM BABIES an idiom in the first place? What the hell? Utahraptor: Dromiceiomimus is right! What does that idiom say about us? T-Rex: I don't know!! T-Rex: We wanted to say "this task is easily accomplished" and our first step was GRAND THEFT CANDY (INFANT BASED)? How did the first person to ever say this get away with it? I would FULLY re-evaluate my relationship with anyone who busted out "it's so easy, like that time I stole from a child" in front of me!! Floating Batman head: t-rex you forgot about your sherlock holmes story! T-Rex: Oh yeah! Thank you, Tiny Batman Head! Floating Batman head: i'm only reminding you because it's MY turn to have a story about ME next
September 8, 2025 at 11:59 AM