good cop: can you give us any names?

bat cop: *screams at the table to locate his coffee*

saruman needs some fucking furniture he’s just gooning in an empty tower with that orb

Had he really become Death, destroyer of worlds? Or was he just a pest, annoyer of girls?

Meanwhile Samantha was sitting on a bomb of her own, and she was ready to go nuclear.

congrats to drugs on winning the war on drugs!

*i catch my popular jock son trying to sneak out of the house in a letterman jacket again* oh no you don't, mister. this is a goth family

son of a fucking bitch

Learned today that my ex-husband buys his weed from a lesbian dominatrix who banned him from DJing at her sex club because he kept playing his version of "Lean on Me" made entirely of samples of Homer saying "d'oh".