Pearly.
@pearlylondon.bsky.social
My mum always insists she doesn't have a 'favourite' child.
Which is pretty upsetting because i haven't got any brothers or sisters.
Which is pretty upsetting because i haven't got any brothers or sisters.
Talking of ending sentences, I Presume MEGA is followed by the word CUNT on the back?
May 27, 2025 at 12:33 PM
Talking of ending sentences, I Presume MEGA is followed by the word CUNT on the back?
Media telling us Katy Perry had her first trip into space today, but come on, she must've already been living on a different planet when she married Russell Brand, right?
April 14, 2025 at 5:04 PM
Media telling us Katy Perry had her first trip into space today, but come on, she must've already been living on a different planet when she married Russell Brand, right?
When you flick the heated seats on & grandad thinks he's pissed himself again....
March 12, 2025 at 4:15 PM
When you flick the heated seats on & grandad thinks he's pissed himself again....
The phrase "galentines" is up there with holibobs and Friyay.
Stop it.
Stop it.
February 14, 2025 at 11:22 AM
The phrase "galentines" is up there with holibobs and Friyay.
Stop it.
Stop it.
Great response from a supplier when I chased up an overdue delivery yesterday...
"Apologies for the delay, we experienced a problem within our dispatch department.
The problem was, they forgot to dispatch your order."
🤣🤣🤣🤣
"Apologies for the delay, we experienced a problem within our dispatch department.
The problem was, they forgot to dispatch your order."
🤣🤣🤣🤣
January 15, 2025 at 11:36 AM
Great response from a supplier when I chased up an overdue delivery yesterday...
"Apologies for the delay, we experienced a problem within our dispatch department.
The problem was, they forgot to dispatch your order."
🤣🤣🤣🤣
"Apologies for the delay, we experienced a problem within our dispatch department.
The problem was, they forgot to dispatch your order."
🤣🤣🤣🤣
Suppose that's me banned from X then...
January 6, 2025 at 6:19 PM
Suppose that's me banned from X then...
Just tried to pay for my pick 'n' mix at Cineworld with a fifty pound note & got told they don't accept them?
So I had to give her two twenties & a ten instead.
So I had to give her two twenties & a ten instead.
January 5, 2025 at 9:19 PM
Just tried to pay for my pick 'n' mix at Cineworld with a fifty pound note & got told they don't accept them?
So I had to give her two twenties & a ten instead.
So I had to give her two twenties & a ten instead.
Meghan Markle's new lifestyle show, where she whips up picture-perfect meals in a pristine kitchen, looks great on screen. But any parent of little ones knows in reality, pots are bubbling over, the smoke alarm is going off, & a toddler is probably wiping a bogie on your leg.
January 3, 2025 at 9:59 AM
Meghan Markle's new lifestyle show, where she whips up picture-perfect meals in a pristine kitchen, looks great on screen. But any parent of little ones knows in reality, pots are bubbling over, the smoke alarm is going off, & a toddler is probably wiping a bogie on your leg.
Why the fuck DRY January?
Pie January has a much better ring to it.
Pie January has a much better ring to it.
January 2, 2025 at 8:19 PM
Why the fuck DRY January?
Pie January has a much better ring to it.
Pie January has a much better ring to it.
I enjoyed a lovely New years day walk earlier.
I strolled through the living room into the kitchen to retrieve the last tin of Quality St.
I strolled through the living room into the kitchen to retrieve the last tin of Quality St.
January 1, 2025 at 6:42 PM
I enjoyed a lovely New years day walk earlier.
I strolled through the living room into the kitchen to retrieve the last tin of Quality St.
I strolled through the living room into the kitchen to retrieve the last tin of Quality St.
Please remember the correct way to pour your Christmas bucks fizz out this morning.
At first, you've got to speed it up & then you've got to slow it down.
At first, you've got to speed it up & then you've got to slow it down.
December 25, 2024 at 9:28 AM
Please remember the correct way to pour your Christmas bucks fizz out this morning.
At first, you've got to speed it up & then you've got to slow it down.
At first, you've got to speed it up & then you've got to slow it down.
I hope for your sake fellas, if your lady said she didn't want anything for Christmas, you weren't gullible enough to actually believe that.
December 24, 2024 at 7:12 PM
I hope for your sake fellas, if your lady said she didn't want anything for Christmas, you weren't gullible enough to actually believe that.
You know your usual weekend booze consumption is getting a bit out of hand when the cashier asks if you're "stocking up for Christmas?"
December 20, 2024 at 1:06 PM
You know your usual weekend booze consumption is getting a bit out of hand when the cashier asks if you're "stocking up for Christmas?"
Martin Lewis on my tele for an whole hour, giving out tips on how to win at board games this Christmas.
I can tell you that in under 2 seconds, mate.
Cheat.
I can tell you that in under 2 seconds, mate.
Cheat.
December 17, 2024 at 8:04 PM
Martin Lewis on my tele for an whole hour, giving out tips on how to win at board games this Christmas.
I can tell you that in under 2 seconds, mate.
Cheat.
I can tell you that in under 2 seconds, mate.
Cheat.
If I replied to your message at 2am when I was 18, I would've been just heading out to a club somewhere,
If I reply to your message now that I'm 50 at 2am, it's because my bladder has woken me up & I can't get back to sleep due to chronic heartburn.
If I reply to your message now that I'm 50 at 2am, it's because my bladder has woken me up & I can't get back to sleep due to chronic heartburn.
December 16, 2024 at 10:28 AM
If I replied to your message at 2am when I was 18, I would've been just heading out to a club somewhere,
If I reply to your message now that I'm 50 at 2am, it's because my bladder has woken me up & I can't get back to sleep due to chronic heartburn.
If I reply to your message now that I'm 50 at 2am, it's because my bladder has woken me up & I can't get back to sleep due to chronic heartburn.
December 10, 2024 at 11:43 AM
Spent the majority of the morning fretting I was going blind because I suddenly had blurred vision & couldn't see clearly. Only took me 2hrs to realise the problem was I had put my daughter's glasses on instead of my own.
I hold down a responsible job, in case you're wondering.
I hold down a responsible job, in case you're wondering.
December 9, 2024 at 9:18 AM
Spent the majority of the morning fretting I was going blind because I suddenly had blurred vision & couldn't see clearly. Only took me 2hrs to realise the problem was I had put my daughter's glasses on instead of my own.
I hold down a responsible job, in case you're wondering.
I hold down a responsible job, in case you're wondering.
This blasted wind is a nightmare.
It's just blown an entire bottle of wine down my throat. Tsk!
#StormDarragh
It's just blown an entire bottle of wine down my throat. Tsk!
#StormDarragh
December 7, 2024 at 6:44 PM
This blasted wind is a nightmare.
It's just blown an entire bottle of wine down my throat. Tsk!
#StormDarragh
It's just blown an entire bottle of wine down my throat. Tsk!
#StormDarragh
Offices up & down the UK are now 80% coughs, naff Xmas jumpers & open tubs of celebrations with just the bounties left in them...
December 6, 2024 at 2:37 PM
Offices up & down the UK are now 80% coughs, naff Xmas jumpers & open tubs of celebrations with just the bounties left in them...
I wore a kilt today & I'm not even Scottish.
December 5, 2024 at 2:31 PM
I wore a kilt today & I'm not even Scottish.
Guy at work just opened a Twix, ate one finger & then wrapped the remaining finger back up 'for tomorrow'...
Fucking psychopath.
Fucking psychopath.
December 5, 2024 at 1:24 PM
Guy at work just opened a Twix, ate one finger & then wrapped the remaining finger back up 'for tomorrow'...
Fucking psychopath.
Fucking psychopath.
I had a considered breakfast this morning.
I considered eating a healthy bowl of low fat muesli but ended up having a kit-kat.
I considered eating a healthy bowl of low fat muesli but ended up having a kit-kat.
December 5, 2024 at 9:29 AM
I had a considered breakfast this morning.
I considered eating a healthy bowl of low fat muesli but ended up having a kit-kat.
I considered eating a healthy bowl of low fat muesli but ended up having a kit-kat.
My dear old grandad always used to say, "Keep 'em guessing about your next move."
Fantastic man, terrible driving instructor!
Fantastic man, terrible driving instructor!
December 4, 2024 at 4:16 PM
My dear old grandad always used to say, "Keep 'em guessing about your next move."
Fantastic man, terrible driving instructor!
Fantastic man, terrible driving instructor!
Imagine Gregg Wallace's disappointment when he heard reports he was going to get pulled off, only to realise they meant off air.
#Masterchef
#Masterchef
December 3, 2024 at 7:16 PM
Imagine Gregg Wallace's disappointment when he heard reports he was going to get pulled off, only to realise they meant off air.
#Masterchef
#Masterchef
Ah, I did wonder where Prince Andrew's PR's person went to work after the Newsnight interview...
December 1, 2024 at 9:11 AM
Ah, I did wonder where Prince Andrew's PR's person went to work after the Newsnight interview...