I played Daft Punk’s “One More Time” and my four year-old said “this is from the Trolls movie” because I have failed as a father

There’s a mom group that my wife is a part of and they have a book club. Tonight the leader of the club said she’d be later because she’s doing a lice treatment for her kids.

My sister in Christ, simply do not go to book club

Are any of you KC people bad enough dudes to come snowblow my driveway?

All the Seuss adaptations in the past 30 years have been trash, but The Lorax is maybe the worst. Was there a moment around 2015 that I missed where people yearned for more Ed Helms?

I am constantly insulted on this platform

We need more movies to add to the Santa lore. Did he find flying reindeer or selectively breed them? Did he land on the throne by killing a previous Santa? What’s his opinion on Israel/Palestine? These sorts of things.

Headed to the hospital to play a marching snare drum in the maternity ward like the Bible told us to

Out of desperation to be a cool dad I ordered Radiohead shirts for our kids. They finally showed up today. Given the timing I asked my wife if we could put them in the kids’ stockings and she said no because, and I quote, “Santa hates Radiohead.”

Seeking Christmas divorce attorney recs.

IT ENDS WITH US long ago joined Roblox on the “I will never know about this” list. Best or worst of luck to everyone involved

Our kids have never seen commercials. Had to deploy tear gas when How the Grinch Stole Christmas was interrupted by an Outback Steakhouse ad at my mom’s house.

Why is the saxophone such a lusty instrument? Why always played when wearing sequins? Like a hussy?

we can run away together baby. meet me at our special place. yes, i mean the Prince store at the minneapolis airport

How are you people arriving at the airport with an hour to spare? That was the most thrilling experience of my life and I never want to do it again.

It’s the year of our lord 2024 and restaurants are still serving burritos without mixing the ingredients first. Yeah I really wanted one bite of only sour cream. Some of these chefs belong in jail.

I like how British baking competitions done in a tent with tea and good vibes while American baking competitions are predicated on solving a crime

People give Pitchfork a lot of shit but they so bravely awarded Pink Floyd’s Wish You Were Here a perfect 10 after fifty years of it languishing in total obscurity

I am sick today and will be swapping out my business casual work from home hoodie for a more comfortable convalescing hoodie.

I can’t remember the last time I’ve thought a documentary series needed as many episodes as its producers did.