Ngina Otiende | Marriage Coach
@nginaotiende.bsky.social
Writer and coach, helping women address relationship problems with courage so they can thrive. Author of Courage & The Newlyweds. Find me at intentionaltoday.com
My church told me not to "date."
To "court" instead.
What they didn’t tell me was that "courtship" was just dating with more rules, control and everyone in your business.
To "court" instead.
What they didn’t tell me was that "courtship" was just dating with more rules, control and everyone in your business.
April 19, 2025 at 12:47 PM
My church told me not to "date."
To "court" instead.
What they didn’t tell me was that "courtship" was just dating with more rules, control and everyone in your business.
To "court" instead.
What they didn’t tell me was that "courtship" was just dating with more rules, control and everyone in your business.
Judas man stole, lied, and sold out his friend and rabbi. His is not a typical surface-level hurt between good folk.
Christians need to get it right
Read the new blog post "Why You Dont Have to Eat with Your Judas" 👇🏽
intentionaltoday.com/jesus-loved-...
Christians need to get it right
Read the new blog post "Why You Dont Have to Eat with Your Judas" 👇🏽
intentionaltoday.com/jesus-loved-...
April 18, 2025 at 1:02 AM
Judas man stole, lied, and sold out his friend and rabbi. His is not a typical surface-level hurt between good folk.
Christians need to get it right
Read the new blog post "Why You Dont Have to Eat with Your Judas" 👇🏽
intentionaltoday.com/jesus-loved-...
Christians need to get it right
Read the new blog post "Why You Dont Have to Eat with Your Judas" 👇🏽
intentionaltoday.com/jesus-loved-...
If your partner fails to respect your dignity, needs & boundaries, and their behavior does not reflect a willingness to learn & grow, prioritizing YOUR OWN health is an essential next step.
It ceased to be a team when one person chronically injured the other & refused to engage in growth and repair.
It ceased to be a team when one person chronically injured the other & refused to engage in growth and repair.
April 16, 2025 at 2:23 PM
If your partner fails to respect your dignity, needs & boundaries, and their behavior does not reflect a willingness to learn & grow, prioritizing YOUR OWN health is an essential next step.
It ceased to be a team when one person chronically injured the other & refused to engage in growth and repair.
It ceased to be a team when one person chronically injured the other & refused to engage in growth and repair.
For women who are frustrated with bad theology and church culture being used to justify their painful experiences: intentionaltoday.com/courage-refl...
April 12, 2025 at 2:12 PM
For women who are frustrated with bad theology and church culture being used to justify their painful experiences: intentionaltoday.com/courage-refl...
Pandering to one person just so
they won't have to change isn't good for anyone.
Get Courage: for women who are tired of absorbing all the responsibilities of relating while their partner enjoys the benefits. You deserve better. intentionaltoday.com/courage-refl...
they won't have to change isn't good for anyone.
Get Courage: for women who are tired of absorbing all the responsibilities of relating while their partner enjoys the benefits. You deserve better. intentionaltoday.com/courage-refl...
April 9, 2025 at 2:02 PM
Pandering to one person just so
they won't have to change isn't good for anyone.
Get Courage: for women who are tired of absorbing all the responsibilities of relating while their partner enjoys the benefits. You deserve better. intentionaltoday.com/courage-refl...
they won't have to change isn't good for anyone.
Get Courage: for women who are tired of absorbing all the responsibilities of relating while their partner enjoys the benefits. You deserve better. intentionaltoday.com/courage-refl...
In marriage, the answer
isn't always "let's work
through this." Sometimes the answer is "let me explore what
peace and safety looks
like for me." Read the blog post: When a Spouse Won’t Address Harmful Character Issues intentionaltoday.com/character-is...
isn't always "let's work
through this." Sometimes the answer is "let me explore what
peace and safety looks
like for me." Read the blog post: When a Spouse Won’t Address Harmful Character Issues intentionaltoday.com/character-is...
April 8, 2025 at 8:20 PM
In marriage, the answer
isn't always "let's work
through this." Sometimes the answer is "let me explore what
peace and safety looks
like for me." Read the blog post: When a Spouse Won’t Address Harmful Character Issues intentionaltoday.com/character-is...
isn't always "let's work
through this." Sometimes the answer is "let me explore what
peace and safety looks
like for me." Read the blog post: When a Spouse Won’t Address Harmful Character Issues intentionaltoday.com/character-is...
Once we familiarize ourselves with the baseline of virtue that even non-religious people achieve without sweating we’ll start to recognize when spouses have no high values to begin with.
Check out The Newlyweds (for dating, new and maturing couples) here 👇🏽
amzn.to/4gxBdxC
Check out The Newlyweds (for dating, new and maturing couples) here 👇🏽
amzn.to/4gxBdxC
March 29, 2025 at 3:14 PM
Once we familiarize ourselves with the baseline of virtue that even non-religious people achieve without sweating we’ll start to recognize when spouses have no high values to begin with.
Check out The Newlyweds (for dating, new and maturing couples) here 👇🏽
amzn.to/4gxBdxC
Check out The Newlyweds (for dating, new and maturing couples) here 👇🏽
amzn.to/4gxBdxC
I don't "fix" everything I come across but this thinking I see often.
For a healthy, balanced view of marriage and relationships, check out my book! amzn.to/4gxBdxC
For a healthy, balanced view of marriage and relationships, check out my book! amzn.to/4gxBdxC
March 18, 2025 at 12:49 PM
I don't "fix" everything I come across but this thinking I see often.
For a healthy, balanced view of marriage and relationships, check out my book! amzn.to/4gxBdxC
For a healthy, balanced view of marriage and relationships, check out my book! amzn.to/4gxBdxC
I once believed complementarianism was God's design for marriage.
I no longer believe that.
I no longer believe that women are mere followers and men should carry the entire marriage on their shoulders.
Here's why 👇🏽
intentionaltoday.com/are-gender-r...
I no longer believe that.
I no longer believe that women are mere followers and men should carry the entire marriage on their shoulders.
Here's why 👇🏽
intentionaltoday.com/are-gender-r...
March 6, 2025 at 11:55 PM
I once believed complementarianism was God's design for marriage.
I no longer believe that.
I no longer believe that women are mere followers and men should carry the entire marriage on their shoulders.
Here's why 👇🏽
intentionaltoday.com/are-gender-r...
I no longer believe that.
I no longer believe that women are mere followers and men should carry the entire marriage on their shoulders.
Here's why 👇🏽
intentionaltoday.com/are-gender-r...
Gen 2:23 is not an announcement of male superiority. You can create a happy, healthy marriage..without hierarchy, gender roles, 24/7 sacrifice or the death of your personhood. Check out my new book, The Newlyweds! amzn.to/3v0Hf7T
March 5, 2025 at 2:40 AM
Gen 2:23 is not an announcement of male superiority. You can create a happy, healthy marriage..without hierarchy, gender roles, 24/7 sacrifice or the death of your personhood. Check out my new book, The Newlyweds! amzn.to/3v0Hf7T
Just because it’s in the Bible doesn’t mean it’s instructive.
Excerpt, from my book Courage: Reflections and Liberation for the Hurting Soul 👇🏽
amzn.to/3v0Hf7T
Excerpt, from my book Courage: Reflections and Liberation for the Hurting Soul 👇🏽
amzn.to/3v0Hf7T
March 4, 2025 at 12:26 AM
Just because it’s in the Bible doesn’t mean it’s instructive.
Excerpt, from my book Courage: Reflections and Liberation for the Hurting Soul 👇🏽
amzn.to/3v0Hf7T
Excerpt, from my book Courage: Reflections and Liberation for the Hurting Soul 👇🏽
amzn.to/3v0Hf7T
The capacity to be kind, thoughtful, generous, respectful, honoring, helpful & humble is in all, not just some of us.
The Newlyweds addresses patterns of hardheartedness without sugarcoating the issues & offers insights into how kind-hearted spouses can grow AS EQUALS. Check it out amzn.to/4gxBdxC
The Newlyweds addresses patterns of hardheartedness without sugarcoating the issues & offers insights into how kind-hearted spouses can grow AS EQUALS. Check it out amzn.to/4gxBdxC
March 2, 2025 at 12:23 AM
The capacity to be kind, thoughtful, generous, respectful, honoring, helpful & humble is in all, not just some of us.
The Newlyweds addresses patterns of hardheartedness without sugarcoating the issues & offers insights into how kind-hearted spouses can grow AS EQUALS. Check it out amzn.to/4gxBdxC
The Newlyweds addresses patterns of hardheartedness without sugarcoating the issues & offers insights into how kind-hearted spouses can grow AS EQUALS. Check it out amzn.to/4gxBdxC
The strength of a woman is not in how well she adapts to a one-sided marriage or endures a chronically immature connection.
Her strength is not in how sweet and respectful she remains while disrespected and dishonored.
1/4
Her strength is not in how sweet and respectful she remains while disrespected and dishonored.
1/4
February 28, 2025 at 2:38 PM
The strength of a woman is not in how well she adapts to a one-sided marriage or endures a chronically immature connection.
Her strength is not in how sweet and respectful she remains while disrespected and dishonored.
1/4
Her strength is not in how sweet and respectful she remains while disrespected and dishonored.
1/4
Its the women who are supposed to sacrifice their joy, their soul, their integrity, their expectations, their hopes, their dignity, their sense of belonging, their safety. Let's talk about why we need to retire harming marriage narratives👇🏽
intentionaltoday.com/why-viewing-...
intentionaltoday.com/why-viewing-...
February 28, 2025 at 3:05 AM
Its the women who are supposed to sacrifice their joy, their soul, their integrity, their expectations, their hopes, their dignity, their sense of belonging, their safety. Let's talk about why we need to retire harming marriage narratives👇🏽
intentionaltoday.com/why-viewing-...
intentionaltoday.com/why-viewing-...
Love is not self-serving.
Love does not exalt wickedness.
Love is accountable.
Love rejoices in integrity.
Love always shields and keeps from harm.
Our values were never supposed to cause or perpetuate harm.
Read more 👇🏽
intentionaltoday.com/courage-refl...
Love does not exalt wickedness.
Love is accountable.
Love rejoices in integrity.
Love always shields and keeps from harm.
Our values were never supposed to cause or perpetuate harm.
Read more 👇🏽
intentionaltoday.com/courage-refl...
February 25, 2025 at 2:52 AM
Love is not self-serving.
Love does not exalt wickedness.
Love is accountable.
Love rejoices in integrity.
Love always shields and keeps from harm.
Our values were never supposed to cause or perpetuate harm.
Read more 👇🏽
intentionaltoday.com/courage-refl...
Love does not exalt wickedness.
Love is accountable.
Love rejoices in integrity.
Love always shields and keeps from harm.
Our values were never supposed to cause or perpetuate harm.
Read more 👇🏽
intentionaltoday.com/courage-refl...
By default, Christians give the benefit of the doubt:
When we see a struggling marriage, we think, "Oh, they are just dealing with the same issues as everyone else, and if others have overcome them, they can too." When someone is reported as chronically irresponsible, we think, (cont)
1/3
When we see a struggling marriage, we think, "Oh, they are just dealing with the same issues as everyone else, and if others have overcome them, they can too." When someone is reported as chronically irresponsible, we think, (cont)
1/3
February 22, 2025 at 3:58 PM
By default, Christians give the benefit of the doubt:
When we see a struggling marriage, we think, "Oh, they are just dealing with the same issues as everyone else, and if others have overcome them, they can too." When someone is reported as chronically irresponsible, we think, (cont)
1/3
When we see a struggling marriage, we think, "Oh, they are just dealing with the same issues as everyone else, and if others have overcome them, they can too." When someone is reported as chronically irresponsible, we think, (cont)
1/3
Expressing boundaries is effective only if the person with infringing behavior isn't an exploiter, user, or abuser.
A boundary conversation is not safe to have when one person feels entitled to exercise power over (cont')
1/2
A boundary conversation is not safe to have when one person feels entitled to exercise power over (cont')
1/2
February 21, 2025 at 3:39 PM
Expressing boundaries is effective only if the person with infringing behavior isn't an exploiter, user, or abuser.
A boundary conversation is not safe to have when one person feels entitled to exercise power over (cont')
1/2
A boundary conversation is not safe to have when one person feels entitled to exercise power over (cont')
1/2
31 signs you might love marriage more than the Individuals in the marriage;
1. Your only or primary instinct is to reconcile a couple, not check up on their individual health.
2. You believe the marriage institution is under severe attack and we should do everything to keep people together.
1/3
1. Your only or primary instinct is to reconcile a couple, not check up on their individual health.
2. You believe the marriage institution is under severe attack and we should do everything to keep people together.
1/3
February 18, 2025 at 2:09 PM
31 signs you might love marriage more than the Individuals in the marriage;
1. Your only or primary instinct is to reconcile a couple, not check up on their individual health.
2. You believe the marriage institution is under severe attack and we should do everything to keep people together.
1/3
1. Your only or primary instinct is to reconcile a couple, not check up on their individual health.
2. You believe the marriage institution is under severe attack and we should do everything to keep people together.
1/3
4 harmful perspectives on relationships perpetuated by popular Christian marriage authors.
1. Men need unconditional respect. And sex on demand, stripping of a woman’s agency, his word over hers is how he feels respected. (Emerson Eggerichs, Love & Respect)
1/3
1. Men need unconditional respect. And sex on demand, stripping of a woman’s agency, his word over hers is how he feels respected. (Emerson Eggerichs, Love & Respect)
1/3
February 17, 2025 at 2:04 PM
4 harmful perspectives on relationships perpetuated by popular Christian marriage authors.
1. Men need unconditional respect. And sex on demand, stripping of a woman’s agency, his word over hers is how he feels respected. (Emerson Eggerichs, Love & Respect)
1/3
1. Men need unconditional respect. And sex on demand, stripping of a woman’s agency, his word over hers is how he feels respected. (Emerson Eggerichs, Love & Respect)
1/3
You don't need gender-roles and boxes to have a happy marriage. I wrote The Newlyweds to make this process easier for couples just starting out AND at any stage of relationship. Check it out intentionaltoday.com/the-newlywed...
February 15, 2025 at 1:17 AM
You don't need gender-roles and boxes to have a happy marriage. I wrote The Newlyweds to make this process easier for couples just starting out AND at any stage of relationship. Check it out intentionaltoday.com/the-newlywed...
5 marriage truths Christians need to accept.
1. It is possible to have a healthy happy marriage without gender-specific roles, 24/7 sacrifice and the death of your personhood.
2. Hardheartedness is unacceptable.
3. The Creator does not expect partners to tolerate harm.
1/2
1. It is possible to have a healthy happy marriage without gender-specific roles, 24/7 sacrifice and the death of your personhood.
2. Hardheartedness is unacceptable.
3. The Creator does not expect partners to tolerate harm.
1/2
February 13, 2025 at 2:54 PM
5 marriage truths Christians need to accept.
1. It is possible to have a healthy happy marriage without gender-specific roles, 24/7 sacrifice and the death of your personhood.
2. Hardheartedness is unacceptable.
3. The Creator does not expect partners to tolerate harm.
1/2
1. It is possible to have a healthy happy marriage without gender-specific roles, 24/7 sacrifice and the death of your personhood.
2. Hardheartedness is unacceptable.
3. The Creator does not expect partners to tolerate harm.
1/2
If you're tired of hearing that the most important part of marriage is learning how to "bear with each other" (aka for have little to no expectations for growth and maturity) then you want to check out my new book The Newlyweds: Pursuing Mutuality Health and Happiness in Marriage. amzn.to/4gxBdxC
February 13, 2025 at 12:59 AM
If you're tired of hearing that the most important part of marriage is learning how to "bear with each other" (aka for have little to no expectations for growth and maturity) then you want to check out my new book The Newlyweds: Pursuing Mutuality Health and Happiness in Marriage. amzn.to/4gxBdxC
My church taught me not to “air dirty laundry in public.”
Granted, it’s helpful to understand what is suitable for the public and what is not, but I would soon find the pressure to present marriage as overly rosy—plus the lack of nuance in marriage conversations—exhausting. 1/2
Granted, it’s helpful to understand what is suitable for the public and what is not, but I would soon find the pressure to present marriage as overly rosy—plus the lack of nuance in marriage conversations—exhausting. 1/2
February 12, 2025 at 2:20 PM
My church taught me not to “air dirty laundry in public.”
Granted, it’s helpful to understand what is suitable for the public and what is not, but I would soon find the pressure to present marriage as overly rosy—plus the lack of nuance in marriage conversations—exhausting. 1/2
Granted, it’s helpful to understand what is suitable for the public and what is not, but I would soon find the pressure to present marriage as overly rosy—plus the lack of nuance in marriage conversations—exhausting. 1/2